need help sex trouble wife

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by jdsjett, May 3, 2008.

  1. jdsjett

    jdsjett New Member

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    Problem

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    can't seem to get past this. years ago when i first dated my wife we had sex she was a virgin after a couple of months she said she wanted to wait till she got married because it was speical and she wanted to stop

    We stoped we were fighting alot about it and thins

    we broke up and she right away dated a guy and had sex with him because she felt guilty that it hurt his feelings that she had sex with her last bf

    long story short we got back together a few years later were friends the whole time

    We got egaged but she said she wanted to wait till we were married. I was hurt and mad but she told me she stopped having sex for the last 4 years and only had sex with the one guy after me. She dated 4 other guys when we were friends and didn't have sex with them it caused a few break ups

    We got married and now have sex but it still hurts me I was not the last person to have sex with her before we got married and that she had sex with that one guy cause she felt bad that it hurt his feelings.


    how do i get over it. We don't have alot sex now but because she has a few phscal issues that she is getting over. I knowI am being a child about not being the last guy she slept with before we got married I just feel sad that she consider that guys feeling when he complained at not mine thanks
     
  2. Lollirot

    Lollirot New Member

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    Ego; The mistaken notion of "I", a separate self, from which all confusion and suffering arises.
    Jealousy; Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival.

    It is a jealous ego, to hold something like that so high in your conscience. She obviously did not do it to harm anyone. And, I am rather sure she is very sorry it ever happened - though in the long run she has NO reason to be.

    She is with you. She married you. She loves you, I will venture to assume. So it should not matter what is in her past - at all. Because you are present and future.

    No one can really tell you how to get over it. You have to find your own peace with it.

    Just really - keep it in mind. She is your girl. What she did in the past is not going to change that unless you make it change what you have now.
     
  3. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    You...

    ...do? Honestly? Well, that's a start. Usually, boys come on here and feel, somehow, that they are justified. You're well ahead of most of these kids if you actually recognize your behavior for what it is.

    Cheers!
     
  4. Dreama

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    Dude: she married YOU. Think about that for a minute.:coocoo
     
  5. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    Look...

    ...if you're gonna start interjecting logic into this, I'm reporting this post!

    :phat
     
  6. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Oh no, not another one.

    Dude...either get over it or divorce her. The choice is yours. And it IS a conscious choice. AND, only you can make that conscious choice. If you want all sorts of explanations and what not, go look at the past series of threads on this same topic...I'd say do a search on "damaged goods" and you'll get all three.

    BD
     
  7. Kanto

    Kanto Member

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    It sounds to me like you've got a really special gal there.

    You mentioned that she had sex with another guy, but only because he felt bad that she'd already done the same with you. Now she's with you, and it bothers you that the last guy she slept with was this other guy.

    Be careful that you don't turn into this 'other guy'. After all, she left him for you.
     
  8. Dreama

    Gold Member

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    Yeah, that's usually not my place, what with the logic and all, but sometimes, I just want to say, "Damn, kids. Grow up!" And I'm pretty young, myself. We seem to be getting a LOT of these topics on and off all year long. I'm beginning to wonder if all young men have absolutely no critical thinking skills.
     
  9. cook74

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    "We got married and now have sex but it still hurts me I was not the last person to have sex with her before we got married and that she had sex with that one guy cause she felt bad that it hurt his feelings."

    :eyes

    Exactly what I was thinking BD...

    At least JDSJETT realizes that he is the one with the problem and not his wife. That is a positive.
     
  10. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    Oh god, not again.... :eyes

    Dude, we are all sexual beings. We have sex. That's what we do. You do not now, nor did you ever own your wife's vagina. Being married usually means you have exclusive rights to each other's genitalia. However, what your wife did and with whom when the two of you were not a couple is absolutely none of your concern.

    Especially if YOU were also sexually active during that time.
     
  11. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Yes, definitely agreed! Realizing you are your own problem is at least half the battle.

    BD
     
  12. Joe

    Joe
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    :eyes
    I hate to say this, because I know you're already sad, but you're not likely to get much sympathy from this crowd. Children are not allowed on this board.

    Do you have any idea just how childish you're sounding? Geeeeeeezzzeeee.... I have no idea what to suggest other than, grow up.
     
  13. jdsjett

    jdsjett New Member

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    I was not looking for sympathy I was just looking for input. Though I think splitting up at least for now is the best thing for both of us.

    My wife is against it but even though I try to understand her she has to remember she did not understand my feelings either when she did this

    Thanks for the input
     
  14. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    I can understand how the situation might bother you...really, I can. Is everything else in the relationship good? If it is, are you really going to split up over something this small? I guess it's a self-correcting situation here....if something this small would split you guys up, then you're never going to make it anyway, so why waste anymore time? Best of luck in your decision and it's execution.

    BD
     
  15. saml

    saml New Member

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    Ok first off, please consider counseling before doing anything. If you loved her enough to marry her, you should love her enough to try to make yourself better.


    (going on a rant now not necessarily aimed at the OP, didn't get to in the other threads of this genre)
    Second off I do not understand these guys' problems with their spouse having relations at a time when they were not dating. My wife was not with alot of guys before we were together (3, 2 of them was some form of rape :yell). But the one she was with she had told me was huge, did that scare me off? Hell no, why? because she sure was enjoying being with me. If she wanted a huge one she never wouldv'e left the guy (or continued with me after seeing my "average" one :lol). These guys need to grow up or just never enter into a serious relationship...

    Oh and as Chris Rock says, they get it offered 50,000 times a day, if men got sex offered to them that much we would never get anything else done.
     
  16. loveit247

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    You married her KNOWING that she had slept with someone else and now you want to divorce her for it.

    Ok mods, feel free to reprimand me for this - YOU BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  17. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    I'm not a mod, but I'll take action on that request. C'mere Loveit...:spank
     
  18. loveit247

    Gold Member

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    :lol Only if you wear those knickers!
     
  19. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    You mean the animal-print loin-cloth in my avatar pic? There's no knickers under that, baba...I'll go put the loin cloth on for ya right now...:dgrin
     
  20. Drakonnen

    Drakonnen Member

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    Ok, look, I was in a similar situation of sorts at one point, and rather than repost the details let me just say this:

    Learn to get over it, learn to even like the idea.

    If you trust her enough, you should realize she is with you for a reason, and if you love her enough, you should be happy for her that at one point in her life she was able to enjoy herself with another guy, because it doesn't really matter in the long run when you think about it as long as she is with you now.

    My wife and I (then GF) were able to open up our sex lives further by just talking about it and what things she and I had both done in our past (even though she had done more than I had), and this led to other fantasies and a lot of exciting nights in bed. Use it as spice.

    And you know what you're going to discover? Its actually really cool, and a lot more fun to have a woman who is in touch with her sexuality that likes sex enough to have had it with other people, rather than some stuck up, virginal prude that views it like some kind of chore. ;)