[Ask a Girl] Need help making love

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by joebrisas, Aug 2, 2011.

  1. joebrisas

    joebrisas New Member

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    Hi Ladies, after 25 years of being married to my wife ( the only woman I've had sex with) informed me that it's just sex we're having and that I've never made love to her. I do love her but I guess I don't know how?? She says it has always been very mechanical and when I cum we're done. She is right about that. So after I thought about it a bit she's right. I haven't ever "made love" to her. So I've made a pledge to fix that and I need your help. She has told me what she likes but having never been made love to, she doesn't really know what it's like either. How do I make love? As I have only been with her I've never had anyone to teach me. I've looked at books and such but no real concrete answers. Also, she has said that it would be nice to go all night, but I have never been able to do that, although I would like to. Any tips on that would be great too. I just want to give her the best love making session ever. Any serious help is very appreciated ladies.

    Thank You
     
  2. Meee

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    You can "go" all night if you leave your penis out of it. Spend time giving attention to every part of her body, and use more of your body too besides your penis. Your hands and lips, of course, to start with. Make a decision that you won't cum until sunrise, no matter what's been going on. That means keep your penis out of the way. And then finish some other way besides intercourse. Her hands, mouth, feet, breasts, or whatever. Give her a chance to make love to you too.
     
  3. joebrisas

    joebrisas New Member

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    Thanks Meee, great info! I like the part about not cumming "til sunrise. Just a quick question though, how come I finish another way besides intercourse?
     
  4. Meee

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    It breaks old patterns, makes you and her be creative, and gives her a chance to be more active. In my humble ( :eyes ) opinion, the fastest way to open up a sexual relationship is to ban intercourse. Then you have to explore other things.
     
  5. joebrisas

    joebrisas New Member

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    Ahh, that makes sense. The bummer with that is then she doesn't have an orgasm, as intercourse is the only way she has one. I've tried oral on her but she says it does nothing for her, but that's probably cause I don't know how to do that either. She has remarked on how women say how great oral is but she says it doesn't do it for her. Any tips on that would be appreciated too. Thanks Meee for taking the time to help me.
     
  6. Barbwire

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    You can use a dildo on her as you eat her, hubby does that to me and it drives me nuts.
     
  7. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

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    Forget specifics, the answer isn't going to come from us, it's going to come from her. Listen in a way that 25 years would never lead her to expect. Particularly this might involve being focussed on figuring out what she wants without what you want distracting you from that mission.
     
  8. wrf450

    wrf450 New Member

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    I have done that in the past with my SO and it drove her nuts also
     
  9. Alwayslearningsex

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    True here but giving ideas is not bad either. I second using dildo while doing oral, try anal too, stimulate her g-spot, find out if this is her trigger.
    A guy here but once again I don't listen well.
     
  10. Meee

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    One thing to remember is that this isn't going to happen in just one night. You and your wife have a lot to learn and a lot to adjust to. Experiment. Talk and plan. Go back for another experiment.

    You also can't expect her to be satisfied with one night of romance and then back to the same old thing. She told you something that built up for 25 years. This is a big chance to have your relationship grow.

    My humble ( :jerkit ) opinion is that oral probably isn't the best way to start if you're trying to help her have orgasms a new way. Hands and toys might be better. You can see what you're doing and you can talk about it. Does she masturbate? Maybe she can show you how she does it.

    Let me rephrase that. She masturbates. Maybe she can show you how she does it.
     
    #10 Meee, Aug 2, 2011
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2011
  11. cbrmale

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    We seem to have a disconnect between making love and the wife's orgasm. Making love is all in the mind, and to some extent you have it or you don't. To a large extent it comes from experience, especially making love with women who are naturally sensual. This is why I cannot stand the one partner for life scenario, because 25 years later you find yourself in the situation that you only know one way and your partner isn't satisified!

    My wife cannot make love to me if her life depended on it, but I can and do make love to her. But what I do is my style my way, and it wouldn't fit a man on a forum asking for advice. I can also do raunchy, kinky and a few other ways, so we mix it as a couple.

    I am sorry I cannot offer advice only that I let my romantic side take over and ravish her like she's the most wonderful and beautful person in the world.
     
  12. joebrisas

    joebrisas New Member

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    First of all, let me say thanks to all of you for your help. I appreciate it.
    Unfortunately I don't think the dildo approach will work. We tried one years ago and she didn't like it. She has said that she doesn't like anything else inside her besides me. So that shoots that down. As far as positions go the only way she can have an O is traditional missionary. Believe me I would love to try new ways/positions/things but she's not really open to it. Now you guys see what I'm up against. While I do believe the possibilty exists that at some day she could get into other things, I need to crack the shell first. I believe a lot of her atitudes towards sex could come from the fact that she has never been made love to. She very well may have liked a lot of the things that some of you have mentioned if they were brought into the picture a long time ago when/if she was taught/trained properly in the art of making love, but that is not the case. It's kinda hard to retrain both of us after 25 years but I'm trying.

    ***Meee, I totally agree that this will not get fixed in one night. I have actually talked to her about having a couple of "dry runs" with no intercourse at all and see how that goes and she's very open to that. Oh, and believe it or not, she does NOT masturbate. I know that's hard to believe, but really, she is not that sexual of a person. A lot of that may stem from me, cause early on in our relationship she was more sexual but I think after so many years of not being fulfilled she has kinda turned that switch off. I just hope I can turn it back on.
     
  13. Barbwire

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    Not to harp on the whole sex toy thing but, if you only bought one once and tried it seveal years ago, you have not even dipped your toe in the waters of marital aids. If the one thing you tried on her didn't get her off, I would not give up altogether. Get her a Hitachi Magic Wand. they rock, really they do.