Need Help in the Room

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Shorty022585, May 1, 2007.

  1. Shorty022585

    Shorty022585 New Member

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    How do I get my drive back?

    I'm 22 years old and I have a 3 yr. old. Ever since i had her my sex drive went down to nothing and my relationship is suffering because of it. Is there anything I can do to fix it? I really need help with this one!!!
     
  2. heelfetish

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    Kids have a wonderful way of doing that to a couple. I know my wife and I are going through it too. I don't have much advice for you, except for you both to work at it. Spend some time alone if you can... Get the housework done early (with his help!) to make sure you can fully relax and enjoy each other.

    We're struggling with it too, some days are better than others. But we are working at it, and it is slowly getting better. There is hope!
     
  3. Shorty022585

    Shorty022585 New Member

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    I posted a thread in another forum but I havent had any responses. I'm really having trouble when it comes to WANTING to have sex. My drive has just went down since i had my daughter. When I have sex with my boyfriend I do enjoy it and he does take care of business. Just lately I just dont even want to bother with it. I dont know if I'm bored or if there is something wrong with me. If you have any ideas or hints to get my drive back please respond. I REALLY need help with this one!!!!
     
  4. Shorty022585

    Shorty022585 New Member

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    Thanks. Spending time together isnt a problem. This problem also started when he started working nights( 5:30pm - 1:30am). We are also haveing timing problems. It's hard to time everything so it'll work out.
     
  5. Pride

    Pride New Member

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    Well it could just simply be due to the fact you might be stressed out or overworked which just makes you too tired to really get going into it.

    Although you want to your body just might not feel the same way.

    Btw around what area in Michigan are u in. Im originally from Battle Creek. sorry for the question :p
     
  6. Shorty022585

    Shorty022585 New Member

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    south of detroit
     
  7. cbrmale

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    Shorty,
    I had a long-term low-level illness that ran through my body for several years. Being perpetually sick and yet working full time drained my energy to an unbelievable level, looking back it was hell. And yet our sex life never faltered, and now I understand why. I like sex, it is pleasurable, and even though I had zero sex drive I enjoyed the pleasure that sex gave me. As well as that I love my wife, and I wanted to share my love with my wife, and she deserved to have me share my love with her.

    I understand what it is like when a person's energy levels are down because of something, but I also know that when a person makes the effort regardless of how they feel, it is worth it. I know that if I had stopped having sex for those seven or eight years, I would regret it today. Instead I look back on those years of illness and see the sexual pleasure I shared with my wife as being the highlight of a bad time.
     
  8. RubyRed

    RubyRed New Member

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    Some people recommend scheduling a "sex date" with your partner. I know, it doesn't sound very romantic, but it's been known to work for a lot of people.

    Try setting aside at least one night per week for you and your partner to be intimate. Take it slowly - start out by massaging each other. Or ask your partner to draw a bath for you and wash you all over. Be creative!

    The important thing is to set aside time for intimacy and stick to it. I think you'll find that even if you're not at all in the mood in the beginning, some gentle persuasion can be very effective.

    And remember, you need time to relax and to simply revel in life's simple pleasures, and sexual intimacy is certainly one of life's greatest pleasures. Indulge yourself :)
     
  9. BigDPhilly

    BigDPhilly New Member

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    Have you tried anything really radical like a threesome or sex club or even sex therapy?
     
  10. Joe

    Joe
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    Pregnancies bring about hormonal changes. I'd suggest you talk to your gyn about your lowered libido and see if she has any suggestions. It's fairly common for this to happen after giving birth, but that doesn't mean it can't be changed.
     
  11. Shorty022585

    Shorty022585 New Member

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    Thanks for all the input. I will try some of the ideas and hopefully it will get us somewhere. Thanks again.
     
  12. Bluesy

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    My thoughts exactly. Smart guy, our Joe :tup
     
  13. cbrmale

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    When our children were young, my wife and I scheduled sex dates, and it worked well. When I was unwell, we continued the sex dates, for which my wife must have been very grateful. Even though our children are grown and I am well, we still tend to have sex at certain times like weekend mornings and Tuesdays after work, so the sex dates are still there. They work really good once you get used to them.
     
  14. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    When I was dealing with low libido, during my child-rearing years, I noticed that if I went ahead and had sex (rather indifferently, I must admit) - but once it started, it was great, and a wonderful stress-reliever. It was also a noticable re-confirmation of our need for each other, even though we (or I) did not 'feel' like it at the time.

    Someone already said it - it's a struggle... and sometimes your body and head and body just aren't into it. but if you can force yourself past that point, it will become enjoyable. And also, once the 'toddler' stage is over, and you can organize your days better, the sex drive will come back.

    Often, we would work at verbal and soft-core foreplay for a day or so beforehand. Being teased a bit, then allowing the notion to settle in your imagination can work wonders toward getting you excited - even if it takes a day or two. Hopefully you have a partner who is compassionate toward your problem, and is willing to work with you.
     
  15. Shorty022585

    Shorty022585 New Member

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    I have explained how I feel the best way I can and He does understand. We are both working together on this little issue. He has even looked on here for things he can do to help me.
     
  16. Joe

    Joe
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    Excellent!!!! It's so very important that you talk it out with your partner and that you recognize it as a problem and are trying to find a solution. Keep it up. :)
     
  17. msduncan

    msduncan Active Member

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    Go see the doc. You might have hormones out of whack.

    And remember that sex is the man's love language.... so he needs it to feel close to you. And he needs it now more than ever since you had a baby with him....
     
  18. Shorty022585

    Shorty022585 New Member

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    Why?


    I don't understand why he would need it more now. My daughter isn't his, she is from my previous relationship.
     
  19. cbrmale

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    My wife admitted the same thing, there were times when she wasn't in the mood, but was always swept along by the moment and always ended up enjoying having sex. The enjoyment of sharing each other was the key, that memory stayed fresh for her for next time.

    It was a LONG time ago, but from what I remember our sex during that time wasn't quite as good as before we had children, but it wasn't bad either. And as a typical man, I need sex as an affirmation of her love, so it was a wonderful boost for me and kept our marriage alive and healthy. Too many marriages, if they don't fall apart, suffer irrepairable damage as a result of this type of thing.

    Beware: some men are generous, some will cheat, some will leave, some men will build a resentment that will last for the rest of the relationship (she could at least try just for me / she could have tried for me). The outcome can never be predicted, it depends on the man.
     
  20. Bluesy

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    OMG, that is psychological coercion! If you don't do this, THIS TERRIBLE THING MAY HAPPEN, so you'd better think twice before deciding not to! It's a frickin' fear tactic. If he cheats, leaves, or resents her, she's better off without the creep. (If he were to do any of those things, he'd be a creep; I'm not saying that he is one.)