Need general tips

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Pride, Oct 6, 2008.

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  1. Pride

    Pride New Member

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    So a girl i recently started seeing basically is VERY open sexually but there are some issues/limitations we are coming across.

    There are a couple of things so i will just number them and explain.

    1. Well i love anal and what is really nice is that she really wants to do it. BUT the issue is that it always seems painful for her she is willing to try as i said but im not sure how to go about it. I know you have to work your way up but it seems that even fingers sometimes hurt, she put it in the way of she thinks maybe she just tenses up and has to allow herself to just relax and that sounds about right but i guess im just at a loss with it. And if we both want to do it then how do you suggest going about it?..Obviously lube but what kind would be good...like i dont want it to burn or anything i mean.

    2. She has a VERY hard time dealing with my size..i cant really go all the way in i do occasionally but of course going very slow while doing it. But basically my question is will this be something she can get used to? Or how does that work..i mean even just missionary hurts her..but she is REALLY into other postions such as doggy but obviously these can't really happen if its going to be painful.

    I admit that i might sound stupid here but i have never came across either of these exactly i mean not in the same situations....i mean she says "i guess ill just have to suck it up because i want you to be happy and enjoy it" Honestly this is a great thing to hear in some ways but its not right and i dont agree with it.

    And basically im telling her thats not how it works and she should not have to be in pain...i mean i understand that there might be a little pain involved at first with things such as anal...but it shouldnt be anything that should bring her to tears...and tell her that if its going to be that painful to her than idc what i want because its just not going to happen that way.

    Sorry i didnt explain things very well...if you need details just say so.
     
  2. heelfetish

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    Anal sex should never hurt, so long as you're doing it right. It sounds like you are not. It sounds to me that she is doing these things for YOUR pleasure, not her own. To that end, she may not ever be able to fully enjoy it. Then again, I could be wrong...

    I'm starting to sound like a broken record. Anal sex is something you have to work up to. Foreplay is paramount. Relaxation is key. Take it slow and easy, using lots and lots of good lube. Water and spit are NOT lubricants when it comes to anal sex. I'd recommend a silicone-based lube such as Eros or Wet Platinum. DO NOT use any pain numbing lubes!

    Starting with something very small (pinkie finger, tiny vibrator, etc), play around the anus, and then gently enter it. If there is any pain, stop, and go back to foreplay. Otherwise, continue. Keep going with this small object until she asks for something larger. Or stop there and wait again until next time. GRADUALLY work your way to larger objects, taking it slow and easy. Stop at the first sign of pain.If she is tense, it's going to hurt, and could possibly do real damage.

    Don't expect to get your penis in her after just one session of this. If you do, great, but I would be surprised of it would be possible. Some people have tighter sphincter muscles than others, and really need to work at getting those muscles to relax.

    Over time this will become easier for you both. But only if you take it slow and follow those directions. Rushing into this is only going to cause her pain and prevent it from happening in the future.

    As for regular sex being painful, it sounds as if you are hitting her cervix. The vaginal opening is not usually very deep, some women are deeper than others. It sounds as if her cervix is rather close. Some days may be better than others, but YOU need to be mindful of your depth. I don't know any woman that enjoys their cervix being pounded into oblivion. Think of each thrust into her cervix as a kick to your junk. Not nice, eh? Keep that though in your head the next time you're slamming into her balls-deep.
     
  3. FlirtyChick

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    Listen to Heely, Pride. And I give you kudos for saying that hurting her is not right!
     
  4. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Pride...here are some additional thoughts. Make sure she's well evacuated, lube up, have her push out as you slide in (just as if she were having a BM...of course, she's already evacuated, right?). If she feels any pain at any point in time, you both should stop. The pushing out part is crucial...it uncurls the sphincter muscle, thus opening the anus.

    I'd suggest you try anal on yourself with a toy the same size as your schlong, then you can better tell her how to do it, and you can experience how it feels.

    BD
     
    #4 BassDude, Oct 6, 2008
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2008
  5. Pride

    Pride New Member

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    oh well i never thought about having her push...

    but i am going to have to pass on trying it myself..i have had a finger there becuz a girl wanted but thats as far as im going..and btw that was far from doing anything for me...
     
  6. FlirtyChick

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    So, therefore, you should not try it on her if it does nothing for her.....I know you will heed this advice, because you really want to be a nice guy don't you? It sounds like she is just trying to please you. If it hurts her, don't do it!
     
  7. wawoo

    wawoo New Member

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    Man, you got me laugh so badly,:bow:bow:bow
     
  8. Pride

    Pride New Member

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    Wait what?..no she does want to do it..i said having something in MY ass does nothing for ME...

    I am the one who keeps stressing to her over and over again to not worry about what I want..and that its not a big deal to me...

    ...but apparently the back story also which i didnt say because i didnt feel the need to...is i guess sometime around august or something she was literally raped...but not vaginally...she says though it actually did feel good in some ways but of course not entirely as...imagine being anally raped thats not going to be good...

    But she as i figure that if it felt a little good at all...then if done correctly and at her discresion it could be something she really enjoys.


    I'm sorry but i come here asking for simple questions sometimes and i have already pointed out all the the BS that you guys keep saying..i pointed that out in the original post...and yet you guys insist on being total well...assholes at times about stuff its just ridiculous and uncalled for...yes i did ask for help but with the exception the first section of BD post...nothing else is even in the "helpful" catagory as i have already stated that i know it shouldn't be painful and she should only do it if SHE wants to...and that should not be influenced much by me..and TRUST me i am nothing of a forceful type...and have not even tried to sway her in anyway beside admiting to her that yes i do like anal...she is the one that brought up trying it at that...


    Now im sure im going to get scalded for this post but honest i dont really give a F...



    And FC i just want to point out that this in no way is aimed at just you...or you at all in general...its a generalization of a few select members that seem to do it. And im not saying that it is even intentional...but still i feel i need to let my opinion be known.


    Also Heelfetish did say some helpful things but that was only AFTER he critized me wrongly. And once again just said many things like i had NO idea about even though i did once again explain many things in the original post.
     
    #8 Pride, Oct 7, 2008
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2008
  9. cbrmale

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    My experience of anal sex was soley with women who had a lot of experience with anal sex before me, so for my partners it was never a painful experience, except one for a moment on penetration (I saw it on her face). I am big, thick rather than long, and I used positions that were known to be suited to my size. The best one was a type of missionary position, partner on her back, one leg flat and one knee near her shoulder, me above. It was brilliant. Another that worked well was partner flat on her stomach, me above.

    For most of my partners we never tried anal sex because they felt I was too big. I respected their decisions on this.

    I suggest you try some of the suggestions, perhaps my positions, but if it doesn't work just give it up. I haven't had anal sex in God knows how long, but my sex life is still fantastic.

    In terms of pain during intercourse, I have been here and I know it's unpleasant. My size is 7.5" long and 6.5" girth. I've rarely had problems with partners who were aroused and ready, but one girl just couldn't take me without some pain. No matter how aroused, how much play, how many orgasms, whatever position, it always was uncomfortable for her. At least you seem to be getting somewhere with some positions, so be thankful for what you've got!

    The old 'if she's aroused it'll be okay' advice doesn't always work. For sure it works 99% of the time for larger guys, but not always, as seems to be your dilemma at the moment.

    I understand and sympathise with your issue on a certain posting, because pain on intercourse doesn't come from 'slamming into her balls-deep'. For some of us we're too big no matter how slow and gentle we go. It's an awful thing to be part of, and very frustrating on a relationship too.

    No advice I am afraid, but my experience from the past may help you come to terms with what can be an awkward experience.
     
  10. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    It doesn't seem like an unreasonable request. :)
     
  11. heelfetish

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    Pride, all we have to work with are the details you provide. :sf is about more than: insert Penis 'A' into vagina (or asshole) 'B'. The relationships behind the sex are just as important. I'm sorry you took my post as 'insulting', it wasn't meant to come across that way. We're just trying our best to help out.

    I'll be sure to skip over your questions next time.
     
  12. Dreama

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    Pride, sometimes I can't believe you're as old as I am. One mark of immaturity is getting pissed off every time someone gives you advice you don't want. Well, how's this for advice? Stop asking for it, if you don't want it.
     
  13. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    I dunno bro... I had several friends who were raped and it took years for them to get over... and if this girl was anally raped, that has to be extremely traumatic for her.

    This just happened in August man... you gotta think about that. There is absolutely no way she has healed emotionally from that right now - believe me.

    Girls that age as I told you before are going to tell you things because they think it is what you want to hear. They will go along with what they know you want - just to try and please you.

    You gotta man up and not have anal sex with her. Don't ask her if it's ok and all that bullshit, because I can guarantee you this girl wants that pressure off her.

    I'm sure you aren't in love with her yet, but you still have to be mature and think about how your actions are effecting this girl. Every time you are together she is probably secretly thinking "please don't let him ask to put it in my ass".

    Ya you may be thinking "what the fuck ever man, she says she wants to, you don't know shit."

    I was just like you a decade ago and as you mature and learn about women, you start to understand them much MUCH more then when you are 19, 20 years old.

    You gotta take it upon yourself to put your need, lust, whatever for anal sex aside and NOT do it with this girl. She was anally raped bro... that's so uncool to try to have anal sex with her less than two months after it happened.

    I know it pisses you off to read stuff like this, it would piss me off to. But if you are honest with yourself, you'll see the light.

    I'd bet all I had that in 10 years you will look back on the advice people are giving you in here and be extremely thankful if you are smart enough to take it to heart.

    Don't get pissed off when you hear something you don't like - use it to your advantage.

    Don't be just like every other young guy out there... be different. Use the advice from people with more experience to your advantage. I sure as hell wish I had a place like this to help me when I was your age - it would of saved me a lot of trouble.

    There are tons of things you can do together sexually for months without even doing the same things twice - without ever having anal sex.

    Be cool, be thoughtful, and take the pressure off her and don't ask or try to have anal sex with her.
     
  14. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Ah...then perhaps she feels the same way, and maybe you shouldn't do it to her if she gets nothing out of it. ;)

    BD
     
  15. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    :bow As usual, our highly mature and totally-hot-because-of-it Dreama hit the proverbial nail on the rhetorical head.

    Pride...there is absolutely no value in someone telling you what you want to hear. Dig? But, if you are so insecure that the only way you can feel validated is for all of us to agree with you, then in the future do this:

    1) Post your question.
    2) Along with the question, tell us what you want the answer to be.
    3) We'll all post and give you the answer that you want to hear so we don't activate the "early teen" collection of insecurities that you haven't grown out of yet.
    4) After you've read our responses, post and confirm that you're not mad at any of us. We'll all be highly worried and anxious about that, and will want to make sure that we haven't ruffled your feathers.

    Would that be better? Or do you want sincere and candid advice even if it's not what you want to hear? (Hint on the right answer: Be a man, not a boy.)

    BD
     
  16. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Bingo, bingo, bingo. Flite has his heart in the right place...listen to what he's saying. I know three women who have been raped, and it's not something they recover from quickly and easily.

    Think about it Pride...how would you be feeling about anal sex right now if you had been ass-raped by Bubba in August. It's not something you want to try on yourself, as you've mentioned...do you think there might be any emotional trauma that you'd be dealing with?

    Now, who knows...maybe she wants to try some very gentle anal sex as some way of helping her heal from the emotional aftermath of likely very painful anal rape? If you actually have any kind of relationship with this girl, why don't you talk to her about that and find out why she's offering? But even if she's offering, I agree with Flite that you shouldn't take the offer...it might be a very emotionally painful experience for her. You don't want to emotionally hurt someone who likes you enough to give you sex with her, do you?

    BD
     
  17. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    I'd suggest you try anal on yourself with a toy the same size as your schlong, then you can better tell her how to do it, and you can experience how it feels.

    It was sincere. You don't know how something feels to someone else until you've experienced it yourself.

    BD
     
  18. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    I got hit in the face with a puck and almost lost my eye years ago.. it took me months to get over the fear of being back out on the ice without constantly worrying about it happening again... and that was NOTHING compared to being anally raped.

    So I just find it impossible to imagine she isn't going to relate any form of anal sex with something bad right now.

    It's just too early for her to of healed emotionally from that...

    If he does talk to her, she is just going to most likely play it down because she doesn't want him to feel like he is with a girl who has emotional issues tied to an act he enjoys.

    In the end he has to man up and not ask or bring it up - period. Is that going to be hard - hell ya... but caring sex takes responsibility and acts of selflessness.
     
  19. Pride

    Pride New Member

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    I just want to give you a HUGE thanks, because you were the only one who TRUELY seemed to read that original post, and then help accordingly and not accusing me of being forceful on her as its far from the case. And you did give some very helpful tips. Thanks again.

    I agree on all accounts...but what i am trying to get through to people on here that just dont seem to read for comprehension is that i am not even the one who brings it up..she asked a question or 2 about anal b4 and i answered honestly was all. And then she was the one who went on to tell me that she really wants to do it and find out if she enjoys the act. As i said she did admit to feeling a little pleasure in it before but of course she was being raped so it was very painful at the same time and not something she WANTED at the time, but whatever her case i have talked to her about it and all i can do is take her for her word and what she says is true about her intents and reasons.

    But as i said i have NEVER EVER once even said anything about trying anal with HER...she is the one who brings it up...and says lets try it..and we do a little of trying to get her used to it..only once did i actually even attempt to stick my cock in and it was because she told me to..and i pulled out EXTREMELY quick when she said "it hurts" the head wasnt even in all the way so i did go slow.
     
  20. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    I know where you are trying to come from, but you just gotta believe me when I tell you to back off the anal sex with her.

    If you aren't sure how to have anal sex properly, this is NOT the girl to practice with. I can't stress that enough.

    Girls know most guys like anal, so it isn't that surprising that she asked you. I'm assuming you said that you are down with anal sex and like it etc.

    So she is going to feel pressure to do it with you now based on your answers. Remember - most young girls pretend to like things they don't to make their b/fs happy. It's a self esteem thing and it is very real.

    A young girl is going to feel like if she doesn't do things the guy likes, that he will go find a girl who will. The fact is, it is probably true with a lot of guys, especially ones your age.

    So she is most likely feeling that she has to learn to like anal sex to keep you and her future partners happy...

    I practice what I preach bro... it isn't like I'm telling you to do anything I haven't done. My g/f isn't into anal sex and I am... so it is something I had to learn how to handle in a mature and loving way. I just let it go and I don't ask or ever pressure her.

    She knows I like it and every so often if she is really horny, will want it. But it is rare.

    It's just something you gotta learn to deal with because the chances are REALLY good that you may fall in love with a girl who isn't down with anal.

    So if you don't learn how to deal with it now - it will cause major problems in future relationships.
     
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