?Need Analogies and Metaphors for your SF post?

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by jgood4u, Sep 7, 2007.

  1. jgood4u

    jgood4u New Member

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    Every year, English teachers from across the country submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners.....

    1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

    2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

    3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse, without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

    4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

    5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

    6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

    7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

    8. The revelation his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

    9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

    10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

    11.From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00pm instead of 7:30.

    12. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

    13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

    14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36pm traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19pm at a speed of 35 mph.

    15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

    16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

    17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

    18. Even in his last years, Grand Dad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

    19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

    20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

    21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

    22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

    23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

    24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

    25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
     
  2. cook74

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    They are all very funny, my favorite was...

    4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

    :rofl:rofl:rofl
     
  3. jgood4u

    jgood4u New Member

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    Pick your favorite....

    Good Idea! Pick your favorite....
     
  4. clamUp

    clamUp Active Member

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    #9 sounds almost exactly like someone who isn't Douglas Adams.

    Depending on the context, #18 might be a good line found in a rather decent story.

    Not just any six-foot, three-inch tree, either! They're all funny in some way, but #7 made me laugh like a nun in a proctologist's office. ...I have no idea what that means, but somehow it fits.
     
  5. Melissa29

    Melissa29 New Member

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    LOL!

    One of my favorites *not really related but funny anyways* is from the "hall of fame" exam answers from grammat schoolers:

    Background; the question was to describe what made Magellan important... the answer was that he was the first to sail around the world, also called circumscribing, and the boats were called clippers...

    "Magellan was the first person to circumcise the world with a 100 foot clipper"

    :)
     
  6. jgood4u

    jgood4u New Member

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    Fits right in :lol Thanks!
     
  7. Joe

    Joe
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    That's F-U-N-N-Y!

    (Not the kind of funny that your stomach feels just before you puck, but funny like when your boss can't get the mustard to squeeze out of the bottle onto his hamburger, so he keeps squeezing harder, but it still won't come out because he forgot to turn the nozzle open, and then the whole top pops off, and it explodes mustard all over his new tie, and you fall off your chair laughing kind of funny.)
     
  8. cook74

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    Now that would be funny Joe!!:lol

    Mind you my boss would blame a subordinate so someone would have to pay:(