Need alcohol to enjoy sex -- why?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Benni, Mar 22, 2012.

  1. Benni

    Benni Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2012
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    West Texas
    All my adult life, I've had to have a couple drinks before sex. I used to have high anxiety and needed it to relax.

    I don't have much anxiety anymore but still need 2 drinks before participating in sex. I thought it was because I was nervous during the first few encounters with someone new, but I've recently hooked up with an old family friend who I am very comfortable with and I still can't enjoy sex without the alcohol.

    Could it be that it's just a habit for me after all these years?

    The second best way for me to enjoy sex is to have wake-up sex (no alcohol involved). I love being woke up from a dead sleep with caresses/kisses that lead to sex.
     
  2. igor

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2006
    Messages:
    4,110
    Likes Received:
    163
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chicago area
    A little booze always helped me to reduce inhibitions. Nothing wrong with that if it helps relax as long as one doesn't overdo it.
     
  3. 33stack

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2011
    Messages:
    546
    Likes Received:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    baltimore md.
    Have ur so suck on ur clit for about 20 mins. if u still cant enjoy sex, see a therapist. ;)
     
  4. Dragon_Fire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2009
    Messages:
    1,893
    Likes Received:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    I think it sounds like quite a bad habit.
     
  5. Alwayslearningsex

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2010
    Messages:
    2,248
    Likes Received:
    790
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canada
    For me without alcohol, maybe have some, so I remember everything, and too much affectas my erection so I want my cock hard and feeling good, and to orgasm, and mostly for my partner to enjoy my erection, no half hard or soft.
     
  6. Texas_Red

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2010
    Messages:
    2,313
    Likes Received:
    14
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Austin, TX
    I'm voting bad habit. The fact you can do sex when waking up sans alcohol seals it. It's in your head and you've got to work on reversing that.
     
  7. Benni

    Benni Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2012
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    West Texas
    Thank you all for the feedback. :)
     
  8. Benni

    Benni Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2012
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    West Texas
    Actually, after thinking about this for a while -- I think the drinking relaxes me just as I am relaxed when woken up with sex. So, that may be the whole dynamic -- the point that I am relaxed completely, no tension and no anxiety.
     
  9. Dragon_Fire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2009
    Messages:
    1,893
    Likes Received:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    If you were in a new relationship and wanted daily like new lovers often do, two drinks each time would push you over the recommended safe limit for women.
     
  10. Benni

    Benni Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2012
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    West Texas
    I don't think I'd have to worry about that. With my schedule, I would only be with a lover twice a week plus it would be at night only, so 2 drinks at night for those 2 nights wouldn't pose a health issue for me.
     
  11. Dragon_Fire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2009
    Messages:
    1,893
    Likes Received:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    That's okay then. I personally would drink more than 4 in an average week anyway.

    It still would be good if you could learn to enjoy sex without it though.
     
  12. princedominic

    princedominic New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2012
    Messages:
    37
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
  13. backcheck64

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2010
    Messages:
    3,433
    Likes Received:
    1,040
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Missouri
    Try yoga. My wife is in a high stress job, then add keeping up with two kids involved with everything under the sun and she finds yoga far more relaxing than anything else, back massage is second. I'm with Red, bad habit...possibly combined with the wrong person.
     
  14. Benni

    Benni Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2012
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    West Texas
    Thank you all for the feedback. I feel I need to clarify something -- I expressed my question with a poor choice of word. Enjoy is the wrong word. I enjoy sex without alcohol but I just stay so nervous from the first move until well into the act before I finally relax and really get into it. So, I'd rather have a couple drinks beforehand and be relaxed throughout.
     
  15. pbs

    pbs
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2011
    Messages:
    881
    Likes Received:
    441
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northeast
    My wife needs a mood altering substance for her to connect and be on equal terms with the rest of the world. She is the last person on earth anyone would ever think would do this, but she really needs something to help her to let go. IMHO, what ever helps is fine, because life is short, and happiness an elusive goal. Fast lane, slow lane, drunk, stoned, or sober, we all are free to chose.
     
  16. Mittimer

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 3, 2010
    Messages:
    7,517
    Likes Received:
    4,447
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Fl
    I haven't weighed in on this discussion for various reasons but I'll throw my two cents in here now.

    Your forming a nasty habit of drinking prior to sex. To NEED alcohol to calm down to really enjoy sex without being nervous is a nasty nasty habit that you need to break. You're using a substance to cover up an underlying mental/physical/emotional issue that you have with sex.

    Rather then turning to alcohol for this, why not confront it head on and ask yourself why you always feel nervous and why you feel the need to have mood altering substances etc.

    If you use alcohol for getting over an emotional/physical/mental barrier for sex, eventually what else are you going to rely on it for? Saying "oh I'll never do that" is mute, because you're doing it now and it only takes that small tip over the edge for it to trickle down onto other facets of your life.

    Food for thought.
     
  17. RawDog

    RawDog Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2011
    Messages:
    177
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Colorado
    For what it's worth, I'm in roughly the same boat. Totally straight I have a great time with sex. If I'm slightly out of it, my libido's through the roof for hours (or as long as I'm somewhat chemically altered).

    I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to self criticism. I think too much and sometimes my mind has to let go and be in the now.

    Hope that made sense.
     
  18. Dragon_Fire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2009
    Messages:
    1,893
    Likes Received:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    My thoughts exactly, just expressed a lot better.
     
  19. backcheck64

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2010
    Messages:
    3,433
    Likes Received:
    1,040
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Missouri
    Sounds like you're not comfortable with your partner then.
     
  20. pbs

    pbs
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2011
    Messages:
    881
    Likes Received:
    441
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northeast
    Mitt,

    FWIW, I've known many people, especially women, who have "racing minds," and have difficulty turning them off, even to sleep, let alone relax enough to enjoy sex. I call this "the Michael Jackson syndrome," where it took a lethal dose of sedatives just to quiet his mind enough to allow him to sleep. Being artistic, my wife has this problem - her mind goes all the time, looking at every side of every issue, and creating new ways to do the things she loves to do. The ONLY way she's ever found to calm herself down is chemically, for sex, for sleep, or just to relax. Her racing mind isn't something that she has any control over - it controls her. She doesn't have any underlying issues that need to be dealt with, she is a happy and joyous person, and is in no danger of becoming addicted or abusing meds, including alcohol.