Need Advice: Should I ask?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Mongatron, Jul 28, 2011.

  1. Mongatron

    Mongatron New Member

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    At the pharmacy that I frequently use, there's a tech that I've always found attractive. He is always very nice and beyond helpful. Over the past couple of years I find myself thinking about him more and more and I eventually developed a sort of affinity towards him. I want to approach him and find out if he would like to maybe talk and see what happens, but I am not sure if he is gay or not (obviously, I am). I think it's very possible that he is.

    I've thought about maybe leaving a note (but say what?), or maybe ask one of his co-workers who I know pretty well, about him.

    I really can't shake this 'crush'. Should I dare attempt contact? If so, what would be the kindest way of going about it without potentially offending him? I have to see this guy fairly often, so I don't want to make an uncomfortable situation, but I'm having a hard time just calling it a crush a leaving it be. I just want him to know, but I don't want to embarrass myself.

    Advice?
     
  2. KimRN

    KimRN New Member

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    You could look him up on Face Book, friend request him and start from there. You wouldn't have to risk the embarrassment of asking him or a co-worker about his sexuality, you'll most likely get your answer from there. Then you can start getting to know him that way. It's a thought...
     
  3. Texas_Red

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    Hrm, a tough situation to be sure. I would have to defer to KimRN's idea and try using Facebook as a starting point.
     
  4. Mongatron

    Mongatron New Member

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    Well, I don't know his last name. I would have to ask.
     
  5. zombieguy13

    zombieguy13 Member

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    I wouldn't suggest Facebook stalking. Hasn't worked out well for those I know that have tried it, or for me for that matter. I would say just talk to him. If he's gay then great, have at it. If not it's still a compliment and he could find it flattering. That's just the risk you take when it comes to relationship situations.
     
  6. Kermit

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    Don't ask him his sexuality right away, even if he is gay, he might think all you wanna do is bone him, and that can be offensive to any orientation. This isn't the quickest route, but befriend him if he's receptive. And when he's ready (or just plain open to it) hang out outside of work. Sex may eventually come up, and his orientation will come out and even if he's only mentioned sexual interest in women, you can mention your orientation in passing, but not really an expression of desire for him but to put it out there. By then he knows you and what you're like and won't be as easily offended as you just say "i'm gay, are you, cause i wanna fuck ya!" or something nicer than that lol.
     
  7. Mongatron

    Mongatron New Member

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    Kermit: Okay, I follow you. But, how do I go about even asking if he would like to talk? I mean, a customer asking his pharmacy tech to be friends? I'm really afraid of rejection here. I really don't know anything about this guy, so how do I explain why I would want to befriend him?
     
  8. Kermit

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    You don't explain why, or ask if you wanna be friends, start with small talk and build from there, just be friendly. A friendship often begins with a "hi! my name is..." really simple shit
     
  9. Mongatron

    Mongatron New Member

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    Kermit: In this situation, it really isn't as simple as it may seem. First, he doesn't always help me at the counter, and if he does there's typically someone else waiting in line to be served. He does know my name. Any time I call and he answers, I only have to give him my first name and he pulls up my account immediately, but then I am a very frequent customer there. I've already fit in as much small talk as possible. I'm past that point. Plus, he seems a bit on the shy side, so I don't think small talk comes easily to him.

    The more I think about this, I'm thinking about talking with his co-worker. His co-worker is very familiar with me and might give me a hint or two. I know he would keep things confidential and such. But then, I just don't know if that's the best route.
     
  10. Kermit

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    Sounds better than a dropping of hte pants and screaming "suck me stallion!" but i wish you the best, sounds like hte best option
     
  11. hornyscot

    hornyscot New Member

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    hello M, if I may call you that> I have a saying, only the brave face their fears. Try not to look upon this person as your pharmacy tech, but as someone you would like to befriend as you would any other, be bold, ask straight out if they would like to be friends, nothing more than that to begin with, if they say yes, you have made a very positive start, if they say no ( worst case scenario) then at least you are out of your misery, painful perhaps, but at least then you know. Good luck with it.
     
  12. Barbwire

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    Scot, I like your style. Listen to him, OP, he's a very wise man.
     
  13. Swunk

    Swunk Member

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    Pretty sure if I went up to a girl at her place of work and said, "hey, wanna go on a date?" I'd get shrugged off. I've had the reverse happen a couple of times at MY work, once with a direct question, but also twice with a couple of girls who liked to come in and be ridiculously, over-the-top, cheesy "seductive" and ask about work schedules, and once with a girl who ran up and gave my friend a number to give to me. Sure, they were nice people, and good looking too, but something that direct, bypassing the friendship stage just isn't that attractive.

    However, saying "hey, I'm going to do ****** with a couple of friends tomorrow evening, feel like tagging along?" is much more intriguing, I think, and at least opens to gate to future possibilities. If nothing else, you gain a friend!
     
  14. Alwayslearningsex

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    So he seems shy, go "easy" but work him.
    Short of being a stalker, check what is the best time to have more time to talk with him, and use it to get more acquainted with personal questions.
    Don't be in depth too soon though, but open his door a bit more to see what your chances are. Go from there.
     
  15. CosmicEye

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    I mean does he look or sound like he would be open to guys? Is he you age. Kinda depends how to ask but assuming you wanna play it safe. I dont suggest FB. I dont really know what to say besides just ask him if he was .. very open sexually, or flat out liked guys. I think you know him better than I do. Hopefully hes a nice guy and knows that there are gay people and respectfully declines, not like a Body Snatchers scream and point.
     
  16. KimRN

    KimRN New Member

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    Okay I'm just reading this and I need to say one thing...I was NOT suggesting he should "stalk" him on facebook. And sending a friend request is NOT stalking. I have a couple hundred friends on facebook and i have not once "stalked" any of them. Sending a simple friend request is just that. It's a hell of a lot better than going to the pharmacy counter and saying..Hey, you wanna be friends? I don't think so...

    K thanks :)
     
  17. Mongatron

    Mongatron New Member

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    I would do the FB thing if I knew his last name. I'm thinking of just asking his co-worker, who knows me pretty well. I'm just trying to get the balls to ask.
     
  18. HardRocker

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    Hornyscot answered for me. I didn't have to read anymore. This sounds, no offense, like a teenage problem. He's a person, ask him if he'd like to be friends, have a cup of coffee and meet each other away from business.


    EDIT: Oh I just saw the possible rub, I didn't realize you were of the guy species. Well, what the fuck, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Shouldn't affect the business relationship.
     
    #18 HardRocker, Jul 30, 2011
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2011
  19. Alwayslearningsex

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    Just like me when younger, the hardest thing to do is cross that line.
    My encouragement is to just do it and knowing that rejection is possible, however chances are that it may work, no try means regret and lost chance if he is too shy to try.
    I recommend against asking co workers, he may be humiliated if he is gay and not ready to open up about it yet .... he is shy remember.
    You need to deal with him, accept your nervousness and being afraid, it's quite normal. Looking back at myself, I was almost shaking, my heart pounding, when asking someone. But it worked! I never asked people around, just straight to the source of my interest.
     
  20. MILF_Rider

    MILF_Rider Member

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    I'll admit up front that giving advice for the homosexual has an awkward feel, but I'll just give the advice I'd give anyone from my own hetero experience.

    I had issues with not being able to break the ice. I think it's normal for guys to have these kinds of issues, but something I don't think you realize is that when you have a crush, you aren't becoming attached to a person, you're becoming attached to the idea of a person. And those are two different things.

    You are always going to get along perfectly with the idea of a person because it's a fantasy you control completely. But what matters is how you get along with who a person really is. And if you don't, the fantasy is not going to change your incompatibility.

    Now, when I step outside the generality, I realize that homosexuals looking to break the ice face a risk that I never faced, so maybe you need to be a little more careful at choosing to break the ice. So I would suggest that you meditate on the difference between fantasy and reality, and then assess whether you're getting signals from him or from your fantasy of him - do this the next time you meet him so you can look with fresh eyes, and not rely on memory.

    If you think the signals are there, then remember that the reality is more important than the fantasy. And go for it. If it works out, then you get to start learning who the guy really is. If it doesn't work out, then you can move on to the next opportunity. And really, it's a flattery to hear that someone else is attracted to you. Just don't lay it on too thick I guess.

    Not to be obvious, but he doesn't have a ring on his ring finger or anything (even a tan line?)