Need advice about casual sex and worrying getting a reputation

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Scythe999, Aug 6, 2012.

  1. Scythe999

    Scythe999 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2012
    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    UK
    I'm a virgin but I'm only one because I worried about people labelling me a slag... because I do get a lot of attention from men but reject them.

    I have a very high which is driving me mad. If I could, I'd have sex every guy that showed interest (all ages and body types etc) or at least blow them. I'm worried that if I did, people I know would find out about me sleeping around and I'll get a reputation - this terrifies me because I'm a very private, dignified person and if I'm flirtatious I do it subtly...

    But I really do crave being in a long term relationship with someone who loves and cares about me and who isn't going to run straight after having sex. It's unlikely I'll be in a relationship anytime soon but I need sex.... badly.

    The main problem with me having casual sex is because I'd lose my virginity to someone I don't know...but does it matter??

    So... if like me you have a high sex drive and have slept with many people, how has that affected your reputation? Did people start labelling you & spreading rumours? If so how did it affect you?
    How highly do you value the 'first time'?
    And if you were me would you just wait forever for the right person and maturbate yourself into a coma in the mean time?? lol
    I don't know how much longing I can take without sex....and just need some advice. Thanks!
     
  2. OverSinged

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2012
    Messages:
    1,217
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    OK
    Other than a few other minor things I could say, the biggest bit of advice is actually quite the meme
    [​IMG]

    Really, so long as you don't do something that'll come and bite you in the ass (like posting nude pics on facebook and such) I'd just do whatever you want.

    By the way, I'm a horrible person for advice, I'm just bored, so take that with a grain of salt.
     
  3. stephen

    stephen Member

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2012
    Messages:
    39
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    To answer your question i will tell you what my wife told me once after we were married. She slept with a few guys when she was younger because she felt she had to if she wanted them to like her. She felt like she was a tramp for doing so. She also had a mfm threesome for a guy she really liked hoping her would like her more for going along with it. All she got was a one night stand from both men and she did everything they wanted and got no attention in return. She got used in the process. I explained to her I was a guy tramp when I was younger, but I did treat the girls with respect. My advice is keep it foreplay and making out with your date or dates and make it fun. If nothing else there is a lot of guys that rather a girl doesnt put out on the first date anyway, sounds stupid but my wife didnt untill about the 5th date and i respected her more for it. My way of thinking is if a girl will give it up for me on the first date she is leanning towards the easy side. I wasnt a virgin nor was my wife but we did find out there was quite a bit of stuff we have done together that neither one of us has done before with anyone. So in a way we were virgins for each other in that respect. Hope this helps.
     
  4. Scythe999

    Scythe999 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2012
    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    UK
    If I started having casual sex it would be FOR MYSELF, not to get attention or love from men or to please them only. I did mention about the high sex drive, I'm a very sexual person and loving pleasuring men. It turns me on a lot giving, as well as receiving. Also I'd never sleep with someone after the first date I'd have to know them well first

    [we don't really do dates in the UK, just hanging out casually most of the time]
     
  5. Victus

    Victus New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2012
    Messages:
    145
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Howard City, MI
    As long as you use protection and aren't flaunting to everyone about who you have sex with and how often, I personally see no problem with sleeping with as many people as you want. If you do get labeled, well, it sucks, but you have to live for yourself.

    Mind you, I'm a complete man-whore myself, and will sleep with anyone who gives me the time of day (Not that I usually have anyone calling on me, sadly =/ ). People in my life know I have no standards, but they respect that I'm my own person and make my own decisions. My life is not theirs to live or judge *shrugs*
     
  6. boobjob

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2011
    Messages:
    2,095
    Likes Received:
    1,109
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    east Coast
    Its a big decision. If you ask the question on a sex board you will be told to go for it. If you ask the question on a religous board you will be told to wait. Try finding a real mentor to speak to. A parent , an older sibling, a cousin, someone who knows you and can give you real advise. Our actions do define us. You need to live your life based on your morals. You sound hesitant enough that I think you should take things slowly.
     
  7. 12barblues

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2012
    Messages:
    5,297
    Likes Received:
    3,744
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    california, USA
    Solid....

    And why do you have to be either extreme? There is a very large area that most of us exist in. It lies somewhere in between slut and celibacy...
     
  8. lbushwalker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2006
    Messages:
    6,963
    Likes Received:
    5,072
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    'Stralia Mate!
    Scuythe999,
    You sound pretty normal to me and have to date kept the action of your rampant hormones in check.
    What to do now?
    Well you could throw it all away for random sex, gain pleasures and experience but also exposing yourself to your worst fears; judgement by those around you.
    Or else you could just hang in there just a little bit......longer until a Mr Right of sorts shows up then go for it uninhibited. Really it is entirely your call that nobody can advise as you know yourself best. Denial or depravity are not the only options as BB above mentions.
    Perhaps you could seek and team up with a very discreet Friend with Benefits and have it all :eyes
     
  9. Scythe999

    Scythe999 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2012
    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    UK
    True... I have given a guy a bj before, he eventually became my boyfriend for... 2 weeks (ha!) Although no one's mentioned it directly to me, I have a strong feeling he told people about it and it made me feel sick with worry at times. I'm just so overly cautious and highly value my privacy. I may try it again with someone a trust though

    I think I might just wait.... because I don't think I'll be comfortable or fully
    enjoy the experience with someone I don't trust. Finding a discreet fwb would be so great....
     
  10. octavius

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2010
    Messages:
    290
    Likes Received:
    281
    Gender:
    Male
    Things can get pretty complicated so I think you are wise to be cautious. It really sucks if they know your family or if you live in a small enough town because things can really escalate if they go badly into other areas of your life. Having said that I have turned down some awesome experiences because of such fears and I wonder "what if" a lot. I've found most women want attachment rather than just to explore their sexuality here in the U.S. Most guys would be thrilled to have that kind of experience though. Hopefully you find somebody safe to have fun with.
     
  11. roberta

    roberta New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2012
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    USA
    Similar problem. Been divorced for 10 years. 6 years ago I met a guy where I worked at and we dated for 2 months; on our 3rd date we were making out and I gave him a bj. After we broke up he told a fellow employee about the bj. When I found out, I confronted him and he said he did not tell anyone (what a crock of BS!). So I told some girls that he had a small cock and he was the laughing stock of the 3rd floor...
     
  12. Essene

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2011
    Messages:
    1,384
    Likes Received:
    75
    Gender:
    Male
    Society, and those moronic enough to subscribe to all of their ideologies, has led many to consider a girl having sex with only one partner a slag.

    Now if you plan on having sex with many people, we do have definitions to certain words for a reason. You'd be a "slut"; but if you don't care and if that is your choice in life. Pardon; but fuck what the rest think/say.
     
  13. Magnum13

    Magnum13 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2012
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male

    I am the happiest person in the world since I learnt the "secret"

    What's my "secret"?

    I honestly don't give a high altitude, flying fuck what the average Joe thinks of me, because it matters little. What matters is ME and my wellbeing and that of the people close to me

    If you really want to and it makes you happy, Fuck your guts out! Just be safe, take precautions and look after your basic needs, who gives a rats ass about other people?
     
    #13 Magnum13, Aug 11, 2012
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2012
  14. lbushwalker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2006
    Messages:
    6,963
    Likes Received:
    5,072
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    'Stralia Mate!
    Applauses!
    Me too; life is way too short to worry about mediocracy and anyway in the big picture what does it matter?

    I want my epitaph to say;
    He loved women,
    He fucked some,
    He wished he could the rest,
    He died trying..........amen.
     
  15. johndeeregirl

    johndeeregirl New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2010
    Messages:
    570
    Likes Received:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Illinois
    I hooked up with plenty of men from AFF

    if you find discretion, there is no worries

    maybe you can find one friend with benefits - not a "slag" if you only have one steady partner :D