My wife's toy and her denial

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by pinotnoir, Aug 27, 2014.

  1. pinotnoir

    pinotnoir Member

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    I've known my wife owns a couple of sex toys for a long time. Nothing special, one of those magic wands with an attachment, and another attachment that doesn't fit, but she keeps in her bag. And I know she uses them because the bag she stores them in is in a different position every couple of days. The sad thing is, we don't have sex (she is never in the mood, too tired, says I shouldn't be thinking about sex "all the time") yet she finds the time to play with herself. I have no problem with that, at least I know there is hope for our sex life.

    Anyway, I was gone for the last 2 days and when I came home I discovered she left one of her toys on my nightstand. It's a rather boring one, a blue finger like thing that may fit on a vibrator (but not on the magic wand). I have seen it in her bag with the vibrator so I know she uses it. She was sleeping when I found it last night, but this morning I had the opportunity to let her know I'd found it. Maybe it would open things up a bit in our sex life. But she was in such denial, it was rather comical, and sad.

    Me: "Hey, I found something of yours" and handed it to her.

    Her: "What is that?" with her expression of surprise

    Me: "It looks like a sex toy."

    Her: "What? I don't even know what it is? Maybe it's yours!" (yeah like I'm gonna use that on myself)

    Me: "Of course it's not mine. Honey, it's ok if you use things like that. I don't mind."

    Her: "I don't even like that..." and she tried to say she doesn't like sex but she couldn't finish the sentence. "Where did you find it?"

    Me: "By my nighstand"

    Her: "Well, it's not mine! I've never seen that before" and she holds it like she is studying what the hell it could be.

    Me: "Like I said, if you use toys, it's really ok. I don't mind at all"

    So ladies. Has your SO ever found a toy? Did you act surprised and were you in total denial? Did you ever come around and finally admit it was yours? Any suggestions on how I can use this to our advantage to re-kindle a sex life? Ours has been non-existent (meaning none) for a very long time. I've told her before that if it doesn't improve I would not stay married to her. It doesn't seem to bother her much. Hoping this opens her up.
     
  2. HotForHoney

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    Guess I have a dirty mind. You said denial and I thought you teased her with the toy - wouldn't let her cum.

    I don't know if she was embarrassed - you found it, she had toys, whatever but I don't think pushing the issue will help if there is no sex.

    Being a bit passive aggressive (bitchy), I'd take her batteries, move the bag or buy a new toy. Not that any of that would help.

    Whatever the issue is, threatening to leave probably won't help at this point.
     
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  3. BlueCollar

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    Maybe suggest something like " hey baby next time you use your toy I'd really like to join you".

    It's not someone else she's fucking. You're obviously aware of that. And she shouldn't take it as so… taboo? It's just masturbation and the thought of including her SO should get her more than turned on.
     
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  4. Doitagain

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    Honestly I wish my SO played with toys. We don't have sex a lot but life gets in the way but I wish I could find a sex toy!

    However with you case there are obviously some issues. And they must be dealt with. I to a point understand the lack of sex for one reason or another and still finding time to masturbate. I also can understand , to a point , denial of a toy but that was very extreme. Maybe she was embarrassed but I personally would be embarrassed trying to lie that much when you have to know you were caught.
    You two have to talk this out. Don't take no for an answer. She is lying and keeping things from you and going out of her way to do it. Good luck to you man
     
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  5. HotForHoney

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    She is lying but you have to tread carefully how you handle her. Men and women are different. She will (probably) push back.

    It might be hard for her to talk face to face. Maybe a journal where you can write back and forth might make her open up a little.
     
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  6. BlueCollar

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    That's a good idea.
     
  7. Ra1nb0wUnderwear

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    I've had SOs and not-very-significant-others find toys. The conversation usually went something like this:

    "Yep, that's a vibrator."
     
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  8. hollydollyrose22

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    She'll never admit it's hers. She doesn't want you know she's horny because you'll ask her for sex. She wants everyone thinking shes a saint of a woman and is above that kind of stuff but in reality shes just like everyone else. She reminds me of my sister to be honest. Apparently my 25 year old sister wants everybody to think shes innocent and pure but i found conversations shes had with her boyfriend on her computer, revealing that she is FAR from innocent and pure. I've even found videos shes taken of herself in the nude for her boyfriend. I dont care, Im glad she has working sex organs, I just cant stand that she pretends to be this innocent girl scout around everybody who is always appropriate and prude like but in reality shes A HORNY BITCH LIKE THE REST OF US. lol
     
  9. lbushwalker

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    I agree also with what others are saying that confronting her is/was not the way to go. It is a deep dark secret that she maintains and in all probability deny even to herself emotionally yet occasionally finds herself weakening and doing those "terrible" naughty things.
    IMHO respect her privacy is the best thing to do in this case. Sex alone does not replace sex and intimacy between partners. For that you need to find another solution.
     
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  10. John W

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    I hid some toys from my wife for a while. I always bought her toys, but she didn't really like them that much until recently. Your wife is probably in denial, so give her an "out" and bring it up as your idea. It may take a while, but trust me, once you are both on the same page here, it is WELL worth it!
     
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