My wife wants me to have sex with other women.

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by peter153, Dec 21, 2010.

  1. peter153

    peter153 New Member

    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London
    I know that the male fantasy of wishing their wife/girlfriend to have sex with another man is fairly common, but I have never read anything about the same fantasy with the sexes reversed. My wife has dropped hints over the last few years, and the other night in bed I asked her (I said "is it okay if I have sex with other women?") and she got really (sexually) excited.

    It's not something I am planning to do in the near future BTW, I'm not even sure where I would get the "other women" from! But it does explain a lot to do with why our sex life has become so boring and why she has been so negative, - that's why I came out with it, because I thought that even if the worst happens it can't be much worse than it is anyway.

    Anyway, she definitely finds at least the thought of it a major turn on, but what is going on in her mind? I have some ideas but I'll see what others think first.
  2. strathmore

    strathmore New Member

    Messages:
    162
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Ontario, Canada
    About 6 or 7 years ago, I was sitting having a quiet after dinner drink with my wife and she just came out of the blue and suggested that I should maybe have sex with other women. To say I was taken aback would be a huge understatement. I made some reply like, "Sure, sure." I spent several days wondering about what she meant and was she serious.
    A couple of weeks later, I was out of town on business and met a very nice looking woman in a restaurant where we were both having dinner. We wound up at her apartment and had sex together.
    I couldn't find the right way to tell my wife about this, as I still wasn't sure whether she was serious or not.
    I met up with my new friend on about 5 other occasions when I was working in her city. Now I was hooked. Whenever I was going out of town, I would make contact with women on dating websites and make arrangements to hook up. This has resulted in a number of sexual liaisons over the years with a variety of women.
    I decided that I would not tell my wife about these affairs. To this day I am still not sure if she really meant it and I don't want to throw it in her face and create a trauma.
    The relationship with my wife has continued to be very good and she has made a few subtle suggestions over the years that I should maybe experiment.
    To address the point above, who knows what's going on in her mind. I still haven't figured it out with my wife. All I can say is that it has been an exciting, mysterious, anxious experience. And I think it has actually made sex better with my wife.

  3. bigpappi

    bigpappi Member

    Messages:
    256
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The PHX
    If she is suggesting it to you she is either already doing it herself or wants to and is trying to get "permission" by saying its ok for you to do it.
  4. blondi

    blondi New Member

    Messages:
    77
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    maybe she wants to watch ;)
  5. Dragon_Fire

    Dragon_Fire Gold Member

    Messages:
    1,894
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    If she is encouraging to sleep with another woman, she either wants to watch as Blondi suggested or she wants to get off on hearing all the juicy details. Kind of defeats the purpose if you go behind her back.
  6. Kermit

    Kermit Gold Member

    Messages:
    1,950
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sesame Street
    Photos:
    32
    Lucky you, my wife's fantasy is to watch me with someone else, unfortunately she wants to see me with another guy.
  7. DarkJewel

    DarkJewel New Member

    Messages:
    459
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    I'll let ya know
    Maybe your wife does just want to watch.Maybe she is really bi and wants to join.Or, maybe she wants to see other men too...there is really no knowing unless you ask her.

    My husband and I recently agreed to have a polyamorous relationship.The thought of him with other women DOES turn me on,but I'm also seeing (another man).
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2010
  8. carmend

    carmend New Member

    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    US
    i think you cheat yourself and yours wife, when your wife will know your affair with other ladies she will did not like.
  9. backcheck64

    backcheck64 Gold Member

    Messages:
    2,386
    Likes Received:
    112
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Missouri
    My guess is she is fucking another guy and wants to justify it. If you have to fuck other people, why are you married. Get a divorce, then you're free to fuck whom ever you want.
  10. DarkJewel

    DarkJewel New Member

    Messages:
    459
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    I'll let ya know
    Once again,your view on marriage is very limited and judgmental! Many couples experiment with this at some point,especially if they have been together a very long time and don't want to break up but want to experience something different.
    Stop thinking your idea of marriage should be forced apon others!
  11. peter153

    peter153 New Member

    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London
    Thanks for the replies. My wife seems to be somewhat sexually inhibited and does not like talking frankly about sex AT ALL. It is likely that she is quite confused inside when it comes to what she really wants sexually. I think that it turns her on, though, to think of me having pleasure with another woman, thinking of the excitement and the jealousy. In this respect I think she is a bit like the man in the far more common situations where the man wants his wife to have sex with other men.

    I don't honestly think that she is thinking that she is seeking permission to have sex with other men, her sexual thoughts and feelings are simply not that focussed.

    Anyway, I will make further enquiries when the time is right and keep you informed.
  12. IloveSex415

    IloveSex415 New Member

    Messages:
    63
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Bay Area, California
    If you love your wife, I wouldn't recommend sleeping with other women. It will complicate things. If your marriage is working don't sleep around.

    Everyone's different. I don't think I would be able to keep affairs from my wife.
    If any cheating was going on I would get a divorce.

    I disagree with experimenting. How long have you been married for? You two are happy? I don't want to assume but, I think seeing other people will complicate things.
  13. cbrmale

    cbrmale Gold Member

    Messages:
    3,147
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canberra
    Photos:
    2
    You have to be there and do it to realise that love and sex are not black and white, and there is much grey. You can have sex with someone, and love and have sex with someone else, and there isn't any effect from the sex with one to the love and sex with the one. If you're like me and actually fall in love with the someone you're having sex with, you will discover that's we can love two people at the same time with great intensity, and this love we feel has no impact on either relationship. So love and sex aren't either / or.
  14. octavius

    octavius Member

    Messages:
    252
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Photos:
    13
    I've read very few cases where this has gone well. It either backfires immediately or somewhere down the road. I wouldn't do it.
  15. peter153

    peter153 New Member

    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London
    I was never seeking advice as to whether I ought to do what she wishes, but wanted rather to try to uncover her deep psychological motivation for wanting such a thing.
  16. It could be a part of a fantasy...she married a man who fucks so good and he knows it so he fucks other women and she still wants to be with him...he's such a stud he does what he wants yet still chooses to be married to her. It could make her feel sexy.
  17. cbrmale

    cbrmale Gold Member

    Messages:
    3,147
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canberra
    Photos:
    2
    Unfortunately, none of us are clinical psychologists, so we can but hypothesise for why she got excited. Probably it's a fantasy, and it could be akin to the more common man wanting his wife to have sex with other men. The reason for this fantasy by men is they want other men to reinforce the desirability of their wife; they want other men to find her so sexy that they want have sex with her. Maybe this is your wife's fantasy, that you're so sexy that other women are going to find you irresistable.

    One way of building on this fantasy in a safe way is through role-play. Role-play, if done right, takes preparation and committment, but can be a great outlet for those who find their sex lives in a bit of a rut. Basically, you come up with a scenario that you both can work to; one we have done is my wife was a housebreaker and I caught her and made her pleasure me in return for me not calling the police. Work out a script, get the costumes, get into the role and take on a different personality for the session. In this instance your wife could play a sexy woman who picks you up in a bar, and you then go to a hotel room where she ravishes you.
  18. DarkJewel

    DarkJewel New Member

    Messages:
    459
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    I'll let ya know
    I have been married for 14 years,thanks for your input,but the thread is not about me and my marriage
  19. DarkJewel

    DarkJewel New Member

    Messages:
    459
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    I'll let ya know
    I agree with this...I fantasize about a lot of crazy things,but it doesn't always mean I will actually want to do them though.
    I have a question for the OP,WHY would you ask her if you could have sex with other women if you don't plan on doing it? Just to see her reaction?
  20. peter153

    peter153 New Member

    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London
    Because she has dropped hints to me ever since we married four years ago. She has for as long as I can remember not been hugely enthusiastic concerning sex and I wanted to see whether that would turn her on, which it did.
Draft saved Draft deleted