My wife sucks big time on bed.

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by coldplayer85, Feb 4, 2013.

  1. coldplayer85

    coldplayer85 Member

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    Hi all,

    I've been joining this site years ago, but only now that I started to post again. I have a highly unsatisfied sex life and today I can't stand it anymore, I have to let it out. Unfortunately there's no one around my life that I can talk to, so here goes.

    My wife SUCKS on bed. Don't get me wrong, I love her so much. Never once I committed any act of disloyalty towards her, an affair or anything alike. She's a great mother to my daughter, a superb boss at her work, and an excellent caretaker for me and my dear daughter. But our sexlife sucks. Big time.

    She hasn't in any way refuse me when I ask for sex, not 'officially'. However the days that I found her too tired for sex is much, much more than I could bare. That comes to our session, and I'll tell you guys how it usually goes.

    When I kiss her, she didn't even reply my kiss. She gave her lips for me to kiss, but didn't even open her mouth. Not even after 5 minutes of kissing. GOD DAMN that pisses me off. And during sex, her hands lay on her side, no matter how long I kiss her whole body, played with her breast, kiss her back, everything you could imagine. They were also times when we make love while the tv was on, I caught her watching THE GOD DAMN tv, and forgot that we're having sex. She wouldn't even hug me, and if I want that, it was me myself that has to put her arms around me, only for her arms to fall back to her side again after 30 second.

    And my penis? She wouldn't even touch it, unless I asked her too. Then she would do it, for like 20 seconds. No stimulation, nothing. She didn't even moan, or make any sound for that matter.

    I usually kiss her lips, then her neck and chest (not breast), while caressing her arms. Then I kissed her underarms, the side of her body, her stomach, ribs, and shoulders. Only after a while that I slowly touch her breast, kiss it, and played her nipple with my tongue or mouth. After that, I turn her over (yes, I, I, I turned her over, she's like lifeless doll), kiss her entire back, sometimes while gently squeezing her breast, kissing her neck from behind, and lay her again to kiss her body all over, again. Usually during this time she's wet and ready. But no sound, no motion, no movement, nothing.

    Then usually I'll open up her legs (yes, I, again, she won't open it by her own). Then I'll fuck her, until she reached orgasm several times, and I know this when she's cramped her whole body. No sound, no motion, no nothing else. Then she'll started to fall asleep.

    Oral sex? She dislikes it, giving AND receiving. If I kiss and lick her pussy, she'll stare at the ceiling. And if I touch her clit after half an hour of foreplay, she'll lose her mood immediately. (WTF?????)

    I'm soooooo jealous of anyone out there who's having a girl that can give you a good BJ once in a while. Once a week would be fantastic.

    And please, don't any of yo give me the 'talk to her' answer, I've tried that more than a hundred times. I've even gave her books and articles on the importance of good sex to a marital constitution. She'd read it, abide by it for 2 weeks, then we're back to square one.

    So to conclude, SHE SUCKS and I can't stand it anymore. But what can I do, it's not that I have a choice or anything. She has a very beautiful face and body, I'm attracted to her today as I was when I first met her. I love her sooo much, and I wanna love her for the rest of my life. But this issue is eating me inside out.

    And for addition, I worked out a lot with my kettlebell, 4 times a week. I have a low body fat, take my bath twice per day, brush my teeth at least 3 times a day, and always clean up my private parts EVERYTIME we're having sex.

    Just wanna let it out. Thank guys for listening. I'm at the phase where I really don't believe anyone could help me solve this, but letting it out helps.

    I guess.

    Cheers.
     
  2. AGFUNK

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    Has she always been like this?
     
  3. lbushwalker

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    Dude you have my sympathies.
    Passive lay of the worst kind; an asexual woman.
    Yes talk to her alright but tell her you need a real live woman to fuck instead of a plastic doll and that you are going out to get one!
    She will probably be relieved not to have to tolerate your kinky needs anymore.
     
  4. coldplayer85

    coldplayer85 Member

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    Yeah she has always been like this. Like I said, except for maybe 2 weeks after I talked to her, then we're back to square one.

    Now, it got worse. Tried to talk to her two days back, and you know what? She asked for divorce.

    DAMN!!!
     
  5. coldplayer85

    coldplayer85 Member

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    Well, good luck to myself.

    LOL!!
     
  6. AGFUNK

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    She might not enjoy sex at all. Does she actually want a divorce or just because you talked to her about her lack of enthusiasm?
     
  7. sandwich

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    There is something strange going on here. If she has "several" orgasms as you said then she must be somewhat responsive to you. I find it odd that you have to move her around...is she on something that causes lethargy? I can't help but wonder what else is going on with both of you. Does she have negative views of sex....like it is bad or dirty?
     
  8. coldplayer85

    coldplayer85 Member

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    No she doesn't want a divorce. We're a happy couple in everything else BUT sex. Well at least I know I'm not happy.

    And yes she would threatened me with divorce or going back to her mother's home or alike, just whenever I tried to talk to her about this. Otherwise, everything's great and running smoothly.
     
  9. coldplayer85

    coldplayer85 Member

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    No lethargy, no nothing, she's perfectly 100% healthy.

    Yes the way I understand from our marriage, for her sex is something like we're experiencing right now, and anything more than that is considered as bad and dirty, yucky and all. You know I once said after she worked out, when she was all sweaty that she looks sexy for me. And I got scold, and said how I have a sick mind.

    And also she's all the idea of "men should start everything", an idea born somewhere around 4000 years ago. Believe me when I say after 5 years of marriage, never once she seduced me to sex. Strip dance? FORGET ABOUT IT, like, COMPLETELY.

    Whenever we're watching the TV, any girl that approach the man that he likes will get the eternal curse from her, she'll calls them 'cheap', 'whore' and 'prostitutes'. I tried to tell her that we're married, those things doesn't apply to us anymore, and guess WHAT? We fought.

    Plus, she doesn't even shave her armpit (seriously, the ultimate turn off for any man), unless I asked her too. When I told her that please take care of herself, she would say that "You're the one who has to remind me".

    So fuck it. F.U.C.K....I.T.
     
  10. almostthere

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    I was going throught the same thing. I was the one who said i would leave and that would ruin our family dynamic. My kid would not be able to go to the school he wants, the house would be sold so i could find a place. That put it in perspective to her. Its ten times better but shes still not what i would want in a lover
     
  11. just4fun

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    Sorry to hear this. This post really made me sad cause as I see it part of my job as a wife is to please my man. I don't think that I would feel like a woman others wise.
     
  12. paintedblue

    paintedblue Member

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    Im probably gonna catch some static for this..but I have to ask.
    Is she very religious or was raised in a religious family?

    Ive dated my fair share of women who were stricken with what is best described as "Catholic Guilt". They all had the same symptoms.. a lack of seduction.. and very judgemental when it came to other women's sexual prowess.

    One woman described it like this:
    "Sex is something you do to have children. You are taught early on that sex is bad.. and dirty thoughts are a sin"

    It sounds to me like she has some guilt or internal struggle that is keeping her from letting go.
     
  13. Cappy_Dick

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    Honestly dude, you have no one else but yourself to blame. You knew she has always been like this, but you chose to marry her anyway. Love is not enough. I also find myself wondering if she actually loves you at all. I'd think that any woman who truly loved you, would put some effort into your sexual pleasure. If you didn't have sex before you got married, then it's your own fault. Kind of like shelling out big bucks for a new car, before you take it for a test drive. Otherwise, how could you know if you'd be happy with it every day?

    I strongly suspect that you are either in an arranged marriage, or your wife married you out of convenience, not love. She has had your child, takes care of the home and let's you inside her, only out of a sense of duty. If her parents made her marry you, or she chose you as a good provider and father, but not for love, this is never going to change. No matter how beautiful she is and what a good mother she is, if she doesn't love you, you will never make her love you. If she is of the mindset that anything other than intercourse is dirty, it is probably deep seated and you won't change this either.

    I do feel your pain. I once deeply loved a woman, but had similar problems with sex. I met her and was totally smitten with her. I had also been through a dry spell, where I had not had sex for several months and was more than eager to have a partner again. I also realized that getting her in bed would not be fast and easy. I romanced her for many weeks before she warmed up to the idea of sex.

    I should have taken this as the first clue. It normally doesn't take long at all to charm a woman in bed, once I have her interest. Not so, with this one. I didn't consider this at the time though, as to me she was very hot and I had fallen in love with her. In hindsight, I do think she did love me, but was never in love with me and there's a big difference.

    Our first time in bed was fairly normal sex for me. We made out and petted. I gave her oral, she reciprocated. We had intercourse. We cuddled, became aroused again and had intercourse once more. She stayed the night. Quite normal and I thought it could only get better from there. I couldn't have been more wrong.

    I soon learned that she didn't like to give or receive oral. I had apparently took her by surprise, going down by her. She only gave me head that one time out of reciprocation. I had also learned that her mother had deeply seeded in her brain that anything but straight intercourse was "dirty sex". Her family was never the kissy/huggy kind, so she wasn't into making out either. I also learned quickly that sex was only ever going to happen when she wanted it, no matter how horny I might get in between. Matters were made even worse, as she wouldn't (with rare exception) have sex, unless we were at my place. As she was more comfortable being fucked there. This I could understand, as several family members lived nearby. They would just tap tap tap and let themselves in if no one opened the door. Since she preferred to spend our time at her place, that made the possibility of sex even less frequent.

    So, sex only happened when she wanted it to and it was totally vanilla. It always went like this...She'd say she wanted to. We'd get naked. She'd touch my cock, until I was fully hard and say "are you ready"? I'd lie back and she'd ride me til I came. She always came, as her big clit rubbed my shaft with every stroke. Since she always came, I didn't feel bad at first. Being inside a wet pussy was so much better than doing myself, like I had been for several months, so I went along with it for a while, hoping things would change. They didn't and I eventually became bored with our sex life. After sex, she'd just get dressed. If we weren't doing anything else after, she'd just go home. I didn't even get the simple pleasure of cuddling and falling asleep with the woman I had just had sex with. Even when we would do it at her place, late at night, she would after always say "I have to (insert excuse here) first thing in the morning, so you'd better go home soon".

    I thought long and hard about it. I realized that I would never be physically happy with her. Even though she had the best feeling pussy of any woman I had been with before or since, I knew that I needed more than that. The hugging, kissing, touching, tasting and exploring are part of who I am. We found another reason to part as friends, but I know on my side, it was largely the total lack of any creativity or exploration with our sex life. I loved her. Part of me still does. But, I let go because I knew I would never be sexually happy.

    So, we come back to you my friend. It is yet again obvious that she is not ever going to be sensual with you. You have three choices:

    1) Leave things as they are and live with the choice you made.

    2) Leave her and find a woman you are more compatible with as a partner.

    3) Stay with her and find a lover. This is preferred to be with her consent. You might be surprised to find she might be quite agreeable to this. She seems quite happy being mother and home maker, while you provide. She might be quite happy to have someone else take care of your sexual needs, while still preserving the life she has with you otherwise.

    The choice is up to you. Think long and hard about what is important to you and choose wisely.

    xx
     
    #13 Cappy_Dick, Feb 5, 2013
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2013
  14. ISOParadiseCity

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    IME, when a woman acts any part of uninterested, or doesn't get involved much, there is a correlation to something being severely wrong in the relationship for her. You mentioned you love her very much. You are married. Everything else in life seems solid. But thre's an albatross there in the bedroom.
    I honestly could not handle that.
    Talking to her doesn't help ? That is too bad.
    I wonder if she truely feels for you the way you feel for her ? Maybe it is time to stop having sex with her. Maybe with a month or two or more no sex time, she will eventually come around and put forth effort ? Maybe she just isnt in sex as often as you? How often do you have sex ? Daily? Weekly? Monthly ?
    I know a guy while in his 20's and early 30's was married to a woman and they had sex once a year. literally. They are now divorced. I think the whole marriage was a mistake to her/them. And my correlation theory between happiness and sex stood with that couple also.
    When everything is great but the sex, a difficult decision is faced. A great relationship, or great sex ? Is the relationship great to her? I would ask that question instead of why she isnt interested in sex.
    And if you want sex daily, and she wants in once a month, well then you two are probably not in tune sexually with each other.
    Good luck, hope everything works out.
     
  15. Anotherday

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    Cappy Dick wrote:


    So, we come back to you my friend. It is yet again obvious that she is not ever going to be sensual with you. You have three choices:

    1) Leave things as they are and live with the choice you made.

    2) Leave her and find a woman you are more compatible with as a partner.

    3) Stay with her and find a lover. This is preferred to be with her consent. You might be surprised to find she might be quite agreeable to this. She seems quite happy being mother and home maker, while you provide. She might be quite happy to have someone else take care of your sexual needs, while still preserving the life she has with you otherwise.

    The choice is up to you. Think long and hard about what is important to you and choose wisely.


    That's pretty much the way I see it as well. The only other option I can think of is to seek therapy if you want to try one more aspect to "change" things. There has to be an underlying issue here.

    You are in a tough position based on your post. You have some tough decisions to make. Hate it for you man, but you are going to have to put a foot forward or live the rest of your lives in misery together.
     
  16. Trond

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    I think this sort of thing is quite common, albeit annoying. It sounds a bit like my situation actually. I love my wife, but I have come to realize that sex will never be really good with her. Iffy situation, but as I said probably quite common. Remember how women during WWI were told to "lay back and think of England"? The fact that many women wanted more than that may have come as a surprise to people of that age, but that doesn't mean that all women are wild in bed nowadays. Of course, same goes for men (several women here have problems with passive men). I guess you have to choose if you are willing to settle for WWI-type sex, find a slightly kinky multi-partner solution, or move on.
     
  17. coldplayer85

    coldplayer85 Member

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    Well thank you everyone, actually I'm surprised by the support and understanding you guys had given me on this issue. Apparently it wasn't a stupid decision to post my sex life related problems here.

    Cappy Dick: No we didn't got married out of an arranged one, nor because of convenience, but I understand if you see that way, our culture is so different in so many ways. However I found that your story is similar, or even worse than mine, but lucky for you my fried, that you've got out of it. Me? I still don't know.

    With regards the solutions you've provided, indeed I've been thinking about the same thing:-

    1) This option sounds 'noble', but hell no its not fair for me. How come that I have to live without good sex, I'm not a Tibetan monk, right?

    2) This also not an option. She doesn't really understand me, and to tell you guys the truth, I've stopped hoping that she will. There are times which I think its possible, but those days were gone after 150 trials of talking to her. But I know she loves me, and like me, she too can't live without me. So it only left me the third choice.

    3) Find a lover, under her own consent. Seriously, whatever it may sounds, I think this is the best choice. The problem is I've already tried this, and it was WW3.

    *Sigghh*

    And also thanks guys for confirming that this is not a small problem. I've never heard anyone around me talking this out, since sex is a forbidden issue here, and people always misunderstood my message. I am depressed, and I am avoiding sex with her. Don't get wrong, my penis is hungry, and I would really love to make a nice lady scream out of her brain right now. But the vast frustration of making love to her that way really made my appetite hide behind my balls.
     
  18. Cappy_Dick

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    Not knowing your culture, I'm not sure how this ties in, as you have not elaborated on this. I was only able to guess by the style of your use of English, that your heritage is not a western one. Many families carry not so good ideas about sex and marriage with them when they immigrated into a western culture. Many are illegal and others are just plain wrong in the society they now live. I am from the USA, but have lived in the UK and Europe and have seen much of this in all these places.

    It's sounds as divorce is unacceptable in your culture and you fear bad things would come of it. Either that, or you do love her that much otherwise, that you cannot leave her for lack of sexual satisfaction. It seems though she is unwilling to work at making your physical relationship satisfactory, she is unwilling for you to have a lover, with her blessings.

    Sexual Therapy might be an answer. I'm however not convinced you'd be able to get her to go. She seems to believe things are fine. As long as she refuses to admit she has a problem, there is no way to make it better. I might be worth a try though, if you can talk her into it. Since you say your marriage was neither arranged, nor of convenience, she obviously has deeply seated sexual hangups. These will never go away without therapy.

    Other than that, seeing as you state that she will not consent to you having a lover and you refuse to leave her, without therapy, you will either have to live with the way things are, or take a secret lover.

    It has been said more often than not, that a person having an extramarital affair, most likely is doing so because their needs are not being met at home. I know I had thought about it many times when I was with my ex wife, but never acted on it. While I did finally have sex with others before we were divorced, it was after we were separated. I don't feel that was wrong, as the marriage was over, other than a piece of paper.

    I will not attempt to tell you that having a secret affair is right or wrong. You have to decide if it's right for you or not. Only you can decide. If she refuses the idea of therapy, you will either have to continue to use her pussy as a jerk off sleeve, have an affair, or give up on sex. Only you can decide.

    xx
     
    #18 Cappy_Dick, Feb 6, 2013
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2013
  19. welshkitten

    welshkitten New Member

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    As a woman might I suggest you find a female friend who can talk to her. There may be something going on in her head that she simply doesn't think she can tell you simply because you are a man. Also the right female friend could explain to her that its ok for her to enjoy sex and how to let you know what turns her on and how to express herself. I have had this kind of discussion with a couple of female friends who professed to 'have no interest in sex' - they have both changed their minds much to the joy of their husbands :). Its got to be worth a try?
     
  20. coldplayer85

    coldplayer85 Member

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    Thanks again guys for all your suggestions. Cappy Dick: Yes I've thought about sex therapy before, and yes you're damn right, it's not that easy to persuade her when she thinks that she's great on bed (yes I'm not lying). And it's also not easy when she thinks that sex isn't something important or should be taken seriously.

    But that being said, anyone knows where can I get online sex therapy?