My wife doesn't let me to lick her!

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by spider69mv, Mar 21, 2008.

  1. spider69mv

    spider69mv New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2008
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Well, as the title say my wife doesn't let me to lick her. I would like to eat her but when I go down she stops me. She say...not now...
    Any advice?
     
  2. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

    Joined:
    May 18, 2007
    Messages:
    2,647
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Tie her up, blindfold her, and go down on her. :dgrin

    Just kidding. :D Talk to her about it...ask her why? Maybe she's afraid things aren't as fresh as she'd like, ya know? Or maybe (no offense intended) you or someone else hasn't given her a good experience with it. Talk candidly about it, ask her to be totally honest and open, and remember to not punish her for being honest and open (even if she says something you don't particularly like, "well, you don't do it so well" or something similar). Figure out what the roadblock is, figure a way to remove it (be that her inhibitions or your techniques), THEN...tie her up, blindfold her, and go down her. :dgrin

    Start gentle and slow, make it erotic, loving, and sensual (not the jump in and eat a buffet like you see in most porn...actually, maybe watch some woman-on-woman cunninlingus...women seem to do it to each other much more sensually than most men do it, at least in porn videos), get feedback from her as you go (either read her body signals, or let her tell you what feels good). Don't even start with her crotch for that matter...lick her whole body and work your way to her crotch...tease her a little, make her anticipate it...she'll likely be ready to explode by the time you get there! Give her more mind-blowing orgasm's with your mouth than she's ever had, and she'll likely beg you to lick her from then on...:brow

    HTH!
    BD
     
  3. spider69mv

    spider69mv New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2008
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    thanks for the advice, I'll try this tonight...but I tried to talk to her but nothing...she only say she doen't want that. I don't know but I'll keep trying!
     
  4. ctown75

    ctown75 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2007
    Messages:
    145
    Likes Received:
    2
    Some have been told over and over again when they were growing up that their privates are unclean,so maybe your wife has that going through her head and you need to let her know you love every inch of her body since she is your queen.Try talking a shower together so she feels clean and when you are eating her let her hear how much you enjoy being there and you don't want to stop.
     
  5. cbrmale

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2006
    Messages:
    3,493
    Likes Received:
    291
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canberra
    Spider69mv,
    This is not a common problem, but it happens. I had a similar problem, and what happened to me was the more I talked about it, the more my wife dug her heels in. I couldn't understand her atttitude (why would someone turn down pleasure?), and she got more stubborn the more I asked.

    I think it is a combination of issues. Some women feel dirty between their legs, and can't imagine tongue to pussy. Some women have a broader picture of sex being dirty, although they share and enjoy sexual encounters. We have a sexual double-standard in the West, which is dying out but not quite dead yet. So in transition, some women are affected by past morality on sex (a secret you don't talk about), and others like you are affected by present liberation on sex.

    What worked for me was a series of lovemaking videos (as they were) from the Sinclair Institute. When my wife was able to view real-life couples making love, she suddenly realised her attitudes were abnormal, and what I was asking for was, in fact, a normal thing. After the first video, our sex life changed, although we watched the whole series together.

    Regardless of where your wife is coming from, I recommend a relevant Sinclair Institute DVD or two for both of you to view together. Not only could oral sex be released, other things could happen as well. However, you need to get her agreement to buy and watch these DVDs, as dragging her into watching something that she is uncomfortable with won't help you much. How I got my wife to the point of wanting to watch those videos is another story entirely.
     
  6. sarah_rslp

    sarah_rslp New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2007
    Messages:
    366
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    south of england
    How about you take no for an answer.


    She's your wife, and you might want to reflect on that before you do anything. So you can take cbrmales advice and convince her that she's abnormal (imagine his wife was being stubburn ! what a drag that can be). Or you can express your love in a way she feels comfortable.

    How about you give her a kiss respect her wishes and get on with your life.
     
  7. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    When I was younger and just exploring my sexuality, I would not let a man put his mouth on my genitalia. I felt it was gross and I was dirty and that the man was nasty for wanting to do that.

    If a b/f tried to do it, I'd push him away and pretty much force him to penetrate me as soon as possible.

    It was not until I dated an older, much more experienced man, that I was able to recieve oral sex with no residual feelings of guilt or self-loathing.

    The man that persisted and would not let me push him away, actually held me down so he could eat me until I came, was not subtle in his technique, but boy did he make me come like I'd never come before.

    I'm not saying force is the answer, but in my case, his demanding to lick me, not giving me a way of saying no, made me surrender to an incredible experience and I will never forget him or that first time.



     
  8. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

    Joined:
    May 18, 2007
    Messages:
    2,647
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina
    I would say definitely do not nag her or pressure her about it...make it a heart-to-heart talk...tell her "I want to give you something that will make you feel really good". Remember, it's actually about HER (although it'll turn you on too), just like her giving you a BJ is or would be about you (although she may get turned on by it too). So, let her know it's something you want to give her, not something you want to do to her. Hope you understand the distinction I'm making.

    BD
     
  9. Dreama

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2006
    Messages:
    3,890
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Female
    I'm a female, and I know what it is like to be uncomfortable with oral sex. I like it, but I usually feel self-conscious. As a result, it happens rarely, and only after I've had a good shower. I dunno...I love giving though. :)
     
  10. Bluesy

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2006
    Messages:
    3,779
    Likes Received:
    14
    Gender:
    Female
    Honey, that's rape. Any type of forced sexual interaction is sexual assault...and never acceptable, under any circumstances. It's not uncommon for a rape victim to twist the event around in her head and make it seem like a positive experience...it's a survival mechanism; the psyche is quite inventive when it comes to protecting us from pain (and it is possible for a rape victim to become aroused and even orgasm during the assault). Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying with any degree of certainty that that's what's happened with you, but...it is a possibility. Some rape victims even deal with the overwhelming emotions by enacting rape fantasies with a partner. The thing is, the emotional fall-out of the act is never dealt with in a psychologically cathartic manner and that shock/pain/outrage continues to exist in the subconscious, where it looks for channels of expression, and potentially harmful ones at that. This is something you may want to discuss with a counselor someday. You can call me a crazy ass bitch, give me a righteous verbal slapping, I don't care because, frankly, I'm concerned about you and it will be worth it to me if it gets certain wheels in your mind turning. *shrugs*
     
    #10 Bluesy, Mar 22, 2008
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2008
  11. Bluesy

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2006
    Messages:
    3,779
    Likes Received:
    14
    Gender:
    Female
    I have to agree with Sarah. One person's vanilla is another's twist cone with sprinkles, and none of us has the right to try to impose our sexual preferences/beliefs onto a partner. It doesn't matter if her sexual hang-ups are the product of controlling and dehumanizing religious teachings, it is still her mind and she has the right to her opinions, and the right to seek the assistance of a professional in addressing these beliefs if and when she feels it's warranted.

    If she was a Christian and you were an atheist, would you feel justified in trying to persuade her to give up her religion? Would it seem respectful and loving to try to convince her that her beliefs were "wrong"? Well, it's no different with sexual ideology. If you want a woman who will let you perform oral sex on her, if it's that important to you, then get out into the dating world and look for a woman who meets your sexual criteria--that is the mature, emotionally healthy thing to do. You do not, however, have the right to try to mold your partner's beliefs according to what you think is appropriate. That is the egocentric, childish (at some point it is considered psychologically healthy to progress beyond the "I want it, so give me!" entitlement phase of emotional development) thing to do.

    Leave her alone and perhaps someday she'll come around (in her own time, when she's ready), and if not, well, you see who she is and if what you see is not to your liking, then perhaps you just aren't sexually compatible and the two of you belong with different partners.
     
  12. ctown75

    ctown75 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2007
    Messages:
    145
    Likes Received:
    2
    take it slow and romantic

    When you are married to somebody the word comprise comes into play a lot on both sides so don't nag but don't tell her its not on your mind either.The divorce rate is high enough without something as small as oral sex to break you up.Maybe look for some women oriented Amateur porno or R movies[there is a good 90s movie with James spader and Susan Sarondon/White palace] that has guys giving oral to women and have a romantic evening before hand.
     
  13. Bluesy

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2006
    Messages:
    3,779
    Likes Received:
    14
    Gender:
    Female
    Oh, gosh, I feel compelled to add that the best way to create resentment in your partner and ensure a dampened libido (sex is psychological for women: we have to feel loved, respected, and appreciated in order to feel inspired to give our all), the surest way to spoil things is to pressure your spouse to engage in an activity she doesn't feel comfortable doing. Women whose partners demonstrate their love and respect by not attempting to transgress those boundaries (and doing so with much sensitivity and compassion) are the ones who know how to fan the flames of their partner's desire...over time, this can (and usually does) translate to a woman who naturally, of her own accord, pushes her boundaries out of excitement and admiration for her lover, and the sort of hungry, passionate devotion that only comes through a strong emotional bond--that is created through understanding, generosity of spirit, and kindness. Now that's a much higher quality of sexual connection, and very few men will ever get to experience it. Will you be one of them? It is most definitely a choice. Apply pressure = resentment and a weakened emotional bond = sex life that leaves much to be desired. Respect for boundaries + strong, healthy relationship = hot, devoted lover who will put 100% of herself into love-making.
     
  14. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    Bluesy, I just reread my account of what happened, and I suppose it came off a bit more dramatic than I intended. When he held me down, there was no ill will on his part, in fact we both were kind of laughing and squirming about. Its not like the guy was hurting me or torturing me, he just let it be known that he was going to get me over my issues. It was a great experience and opened a new chapter in my sexual book of life.

    For the record, I have been raped before, in fact more than once, and I DO know the difference between that experience and what I am talking about here. Thank you for your concern, though.
     
  15. Bluesy

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2006
    Messages:
    3,779
    Likes Received:
    14
    Gender:
    Female
    I'm very glad--and relieved!--that it was received in the spirit in which it was intended :) *Hugs!*
     
  16. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

    Joined:
    May 18, 2007
    Messages:
    2,647
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina
    :bow Boy...I just loooooove how you post...mmm, mmm, mmm..:brow
     
  17. Joe

    Joe
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2005
    Messages:
    1,681
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Rocky Mountains
    I can't believe you're suggesting to Spider that it would be more "mature, emotionally healthy" to cheat on his wife than to encourage her to receive some oral sex. Get real! Someone in her past has almost certainly convinced her that oral sex is dirty, sinful or unhealthy. In my opinion it's her husband's duty to do whatever he can, within reason, to correct that misconception.

    While I certainly enjoy giving oral sex, the reason is far from selfish. I enjoy it because I want my partner to experience the joy of sex to the fullest extent. I see it as an act of giving, but for me to give, she must accept.

    My wife was in her early 40s when we first got together, and while she'd been with a few men before me and been married for 25 years, she'd never had an orgasm from oral sex. She'd given, but never received. I simply had to convince her, verbally and by actions, that I enjoyed giving her head, that I was in no hurry for her to orgasm or do anything else other than just lie back and enjoy. After the first time I never had to convince her again.

    It wasn't until much later that she told me she didn't like giving head. She still doesn't, and I don't try to convince her otherwise, but I'll guarantee you she enjoys receiving.


    Spider, I don't know the answer to your question, but my advice is, don't give up. If she's willing to talk about it, talk. It's a scientific fact that our genitals are cleaner than our mouths. If kissing on the lips is not too dirty, then kissing genitals probably isn't either. Find out what it is that she doesn't like about receiving oral, and go from there. Good luck!
     
  18. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2006
    Messages:
    6,443
    Likes Received:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    I don't think she's at all suggesting she cheat on his wife. She was encouraging him to find someone who was more sexually compatible, but I certainly don't think she meant he should get out there are start dating while he and his wife are still married.
     
  19. Dreama

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2006
    Messages:
    3,890
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Female
    She never suggested he should cheat on his wife. She said, if it's that important, find a new partner. New. She didn't say cheat on your wife to find a new partner.
     
  20. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2006
    Messages:
    6,443
    Likes Received:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    Hehe...Dreama, great minds and all that. :D