My wife communicating with her exboyfriend??

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by BA95TA, Apr 18, 2006.

  1. BA95TA

    BA95TA New Member

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    My wife, in which I found out got her ex-boyfriend and First a job at a place she used to work at, which I didnt like that, but we talked and I told her it bothered me and I didnt want any contact between them anymore. She said there wouldnt be, but that sometimes they may run into each other at an event(political) and if he approached her she would say hello and that would basically be it. I was content with that, but just yesterday I was at her work and she had her email pulled up and he had just responded to an email she sent him. She said it was just about something she found out about his employer and she was just informing him of it, but I told her I didnt care and that its not her place to inform him of anything, because she doesnt work for him. I also reminded her of our conversation in which she said there would be no contact, but here she was emailing him!! She said she had forgotten that she said that, which I believe is total BS, but no I dont think anything is going on between them other than friendship, but he took her virginity and I know he will always be special to her for that and thats what makes me so uncomfortable and I cant understand why she cant understand my feelings. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
     
  2. Joe

    Joe
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    "O, beware, my lord, of jealousy! It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on." -- Shakespeare in "Othello"

    Jealousy is never a good thing, but it's to be expected in situations like this. Your wife probably sees giving a tip to an old friend as totally innocent, but she should understand your feelings and cease communication with him.

    You, on the other hand, should understand that it's normal and good to care about old friends, even if their relationship was a little more than friendly. Try your best to not let it bother you, and don't make a big issue of it. Your feelings of jealousy are much more likely to harm your marriage than is he.
     
  3. haolcatx

    haolcatx New Member

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    BA best of luck to you. I don't think the internet is gonna help you much on this one. Nobody here knows either you or your wife on a personal basis and as such is really hindered, information wise, on what the situation looks like. I hope you find a way to express you feelings to her and that your implied hunch of "she is seeing him" is wrong.
     
  4. BA95TA

    BA95TA New Member

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    I agree, its probably harmles, but it still makes me feel uncomfortable as she has lied to me in the past about him and another guy friend in which she claimed she hardly knew that contacted her through Classmates and they talked through email, IM, phone. So im trying to regain my trust in her from that and when she emails this ex it really hurts me, because I feel I cant regain that trust if she tells me she wont communicate with him and then I find an email she sent:ugh . Im trying not to sound insecure when I talk to her about it, but its hard because the stuff shes done makes me that way, but Im almost to the point of telling her that she stops it, or its over. Is that wrong for me to feel that way?
     
  5. haolcatx

    haolcatx New Member

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    BA you gotta figure this one out with your wife. I know if I was in a relationship or marriage and my gf/wife was having a discussion about our relationship in secret on an interent forum I would really be put off by it. I realize you are trying to vent but reverse the roles. How would you react if your found out your wife was on here talking to people about the woes of your relationship behind your back. How would that make you feel?
     
  6. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    hmmmmmmm.....
    Keenly observant, that Haolcatx! ;)
     
  7. Ryan

    Ryan Gold Member

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    Who broke it off between them? Her or Him? From what you are saing it seems you are being too harsh on her dictating what she can and can not do, that might push her away from you. You married her, so you should trust her?
     
  8. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    Do you not let yourself believe that they are "just friends" and that she "forgot" about the conversation the two of you had. It is difficult to say without more evidence exactly what is occurring but from the sounds of it something more than what she is telling you is happening between them. You have a choice "take her at face value" or stand your ground with her by not accepting excuses. Granted at this point you may not be able to prove more is occurring but it does not mean you have accept excuses either. This is something the two of you need to work out, accept that it happened, and go on from there.
     
  9. Lusty Dreams

    Lusty Dreams New Member

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    Well, I understand your concerns, and I would feel the same way. I wouldn't be as demanding though, b/c that could make her want to talk to him more for some strange reason.

    I would have a problem w/ my hubby doing that. IMO, most affairs happen w/ coworkers, and they already have a road opened up, that they could go back down. I don't think married men and women coworkers ought to have close relationships. It just causes problems down the road.

    I have caught my hubby in 2 major lies in our marriage. And one, I had kinda set him up to see if he would fall for it, and he did. And he lied to my face about it many times, until I confronted him. I hated to do that, but some people need to be put to the test.

    The other lie was that he had started a NASTY habit that could endanger his health and our future, and had been lying to me about it for a long time, until I found it in his truck one day.

    So from here on out, I doubt I will be trusting my hubby on many things, b/c once they lie to you, they will do it again. And it really hurts the relationship.

    Be cautious. Watch your sex life. Does it change? Watch how she dresses, how she acts around friends. Does she seem more "alive" than normal? Is she happier than she used to be?

    She shouldn't be afraid to let you see the emails. If she is, she is hiding something. Don't be niave, and use your gut instinct. You are married to her, you have a right to know her business and vice versa. You have to have mutual respect.
     
  10. Rupture

    Rupture New Member

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    Why do i think you enjoy the thought of walking in on them?
     
  11. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    In my honest opinion I think you are letting emotions and insecurity cloud your judgement of the situation. Granted he may have taken her virginity, so what but she is married to you. I guess things did not work between them. Furthermore I think taking someone's virginity has been blown way out of proporiton especially with groups like the Promise Keepers and Hollywood movies. I have read stats where 40% of those who take the pledge through the Promise keepers still engage in premarital sex anyways. Anyhow getting back to the subject at hand, if they are in the business there will be occasions where they will 'bump into' each other. The main thing here is to talk about it with your wife and clarify the ground rules. It sounds as though there were allot of assumptions about what no contanct meant and it is up to you to clarify it. For right now, I would give her the benefit of the doubt until the two of you can have the opportunity to thoroughly talk through the situation.