My Predicament

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Medri478, Jan 26, 2008.

  1. Medri478

    Medri478 New Member

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    Ok, so I've been going out with this girl for about a year and a half and I love her to death, but the sexual part is just not there really.

    We don't have much time to be sexual most of the time because we're both busy a lot, but when we do it's all about her. At the beginning, I didn't really mind this because I was making her feel good, but now it's like that all the time.

    Whenever we get a chance to be intimate or anything she wants me to either finger her, give her oral or just have sex, depending on the time we have or where we're at. I mean, I can't complain about her wanting to have sex all the time, but I can't help but want her to do more for me. I'm always doing things for her, but she doesn't do anything in return. She realizes this sometimes and says she feels bad that she didn't do anything for me but what am I going to do, be mad at her? I don't think that's the right way to go about it.

    Now, at the beginning of the relationship, we were both virgins, thus she doesn't know how to do a lot of things. She doesn't like giving oral now because of her lockjaw, she says it hurts for a week afterwards. I don't want to hurt her, but the thing is, if it hurts her mouth like that, I'd think she's doing something wrong because she opens her mouth that wide everyday to eat food...

    If she does decide to give me oral, in all honesty, it's not that great, but I still like it because she honestly never does it, probably 5 times the entire time we've been going out, and that was for less than a minute or two. I'm just not satisfied only having sex to get my own pleasure, but even then I feel like when we have sex she only really likes it because it feels good for her and it's just like a bonus that it feels good for me.

    I really just don't know what to do. What are your guys thoughts/suggestions/comments/questions? I mean, I would tell her this, but then I think she might take it the wrong way and think that she's not good at pleasing me and in turn just make her not want to let me show her what to do. I try to give her subtle hints, but she doesn't take them or just ignores them. It's very frustrating. Help!
     
  2. slamd097

    slamd097 New Member

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    Rent an adult movie. Lay there naked together, and watch it. Then both of you go and take a long shower. Show her where you like being touched and where you don't. And not in just the one place, all over. Then have her do the same thing. Have her show you. Then tell her you would like her to give you oral, and then you would like to do it for her. Tell her you enjoy her doing that to you, and that you like watching her...the more you tell her you like her doing the act, the more she will understand that it is important to you. The movie is a way to introduce you and her to field of sex. granted that is only the surface, but she will see the many things that can be done.

    I did this when I first got married. My other half was a virgin, in sexual knowledge. I rented a couple of movies. One on how to suck dick, and one on how to eat pussy. None of these were how too by a long shot, but they were based upon the act its self. We watched and we practiced...:D
     
  3. Dreama

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    Talk to her about it, man. How can you expect her to change, if you never tell her what your thinking?
     
  4. Barbwire

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    I'm doubting the whole lock jaw thing...maybe she just doesn't like doing it and hasn't the nerve to tell you.
     
  5. Medri478

    Medri478 New Member

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    Well, she actually does have lock jaw, I've been to the doctor with her before about it, but I see your point. She didn't like doing it before because she said she didn't like the taste, I'd think that'd be something she'd get used to after awhile, but again, I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable.

    slamd097, thanks for the ideas, I'd actually thought about that before and she's said she would want to do that, but we've yet to do it. Maybe we'll try it soon.

    Dreama, I have talked to her about it actually, not in like a deep conversation because I don't want to hurt her feels or anything, but I try to mention stuff subtly so she hopefully picks up on it, sometimes she does but it seems like she'll only do stuff at that moment and not do it all the time like I'd like.
     
  6. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    WOW! Congratulations!!!

    You now have the select privilege of experiencing what very few men can claim to have experienced!!!

    You now know what it feels like to be a woman. [​IMG]

    :lol - sorry - I couldn't help myself...it was such a famililar scenario... it's just that I've soooooo "Been there - Done that"!

    How about introducing a sexual board or card game to a fun evening at home. Make some light snacks, have her favorite beverage, then light some candles, put on some soft jazz (you see where this is going, right?

    Then just go slow, at her speed, and let the board game bring you both into different erotic pleasures. Just a thought. :)
     
  7. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    Maybe...

    ...get her to log on here a couple times? The trollops around here will have her in worthy lover shape in no time.

    :dgrin
     
  8. Lefty'sLefty

    Lefty'sLefty New Member

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    Dunno, not an expert (just ask the Mrs.)

    But my guess would be like has been mentioned already, fear of the unknown. Maybe you could work out a system of IOU's. She makes "coupons" as do you. Then you trade and redeem when you wish. I'm guessing you really just need an "ice-breaker". Also, like has already been mentioned, show her this site.
     
  9. Barbwire

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    Hey! I resemble that remark.

    I kinda feel like a shit heel for doubting her lock jaw medical condition. I don't know what that feels like, but if her tongue is in working order, and her lips, she doesn't need to open her mouth all that wide to give you one helluva a ride, young man.

    Bring her here, I am sure we can set her straight.

    ON the other hand....if she doesn't want to do it for reasons other than her jaw, then that's between you and her, not us.
     
  10. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    What's a "trollop"?
     
  11. Barbwire

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    I always thought it took one to know one, but apparently, I am mistaken.
     
  12. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    And she repeats (while wagging her blond head from shoulder to shoulder).... "What's a trollop?"
    :lol
     
  13. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    Rose said
    Or, Just take a paper bag set it beside the bed and after sex both of put a note in the bag stating what the would like done to them the next time.
    Then the after a few notes are done start drawing one note before sex
    and do what it says.
    At 43 we still sometimes take on of the notes out of the bag.

    Hiker
     
  14. Thorn

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    Trollop:
    A woman who plays innocent like she don't have sex and she don't like cock, but in reality, sleeps with every dude she lays eyes on. Says things before engaging in a one-night tryst like :"I don't want you to think I am a whore." or "Don't worry, I know what I am doing."
     
  15. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    Ok...

    ...that made me laugh! :lol

    Hint: Buck Cherry sings an ode about one...

    :lol
     
  16. Bluesy

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    This is what I would do: Make up a little Valentine's Day gift basket for the two of you, and put some fun stuff in there like a Kama Sutra flavored massage oil, a game for couples (I think the lovers' dice that have body parts on one die and actions on the other is really cute, and I suppose you could even make your own), maybe a pair of love cuffs and a blindfold...oral lube like Sliquid Swirls (makes BJs easier)...and, the clincher, a couple of sex books, one for you and one for her (that way she wouldn't feel as if she's being put on the spot, and, hey, there's always room for everyone to learn some new tricks!). What I have in mind are Ian Kerner's books: She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman and Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man (it's definitely on my must-have list!).
     
  17. Medri478

    Medri478 New Member

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    I was actually thinking that exact thing the other day! :lol I shall give it a go!

    It's alright ;) But I agree, it seems to me like it would still be able to work. I don't know why should wouldn't want to do it, it's not like I force her to or anything (obviously). I don't think I've given her reason to not want to and I've asked her before and have told her I'm willing to work on whatever makes her uncomfortable doing it, but she never really gives me much of an answer except it hurts her or she doesn't like the taste.

    Thanks! That's actually a really good idea, plus I wasn't really sure what to give her for Valentine's Day, so that works! :p
     
  18. Bluesy

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    Have you told her that she doesn't have to swallow? Maybe if you let her know that you don't have to cum in her mouth, that you could cum elsewhere (or on yourself), that would help provide some motivation. You can alter the flavor of cum, btw, if you're interested in trying it: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=284778
     
  19. Medri478

    Medri478 New Member

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    Yes, I have actually, I've told her that she doesn't have to let me do it in her mouth and she seemed to be more happy with that. I've also tried making it taste better by trying that stuff as well but she doesn't seem interested in even wanting to try so I pretty much just gave up on that idea.
     
  20. Bluesy

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    I'm so sorry to hear that :( I know how put-out I'd feel if a guy wasn't enthused about oral sex (very!). Maybe "Passionista" would actually be the best book for her to read...it's supposed to explain the psychology of why certain things turn men on, and how to take full advantage of them. It sounds to me like she doesn't quite realize how important it is to make an effort in the bedroom, and I think that's an easy trap for a woman to fall into. We're raised to think that men are a cinch to please, you just have to show up. It can be a difficult mindset to break out of (but it can be done!).