My penis is not bonning up : (

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by usernameagain, Jun 5, 2007.

  1. usernameagain

    usernameagain New Member

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    First up i'm 28 years old and have yet to have sex. Don't like the word virgin makes you sound like you have a disease. Anyways the intro is funny but the problem is real and is really messing with me..... I have always had anxiety and deppression for ages but have learnt to live with it. I have never taken medication for this. The way that I have dealt with it is by not getting involved with anyone Fear of not performing being rejected and the embarasement and shame i would feel.My anxiety is strongest when the oppisite sex is involved. Had a shit relationship with mum growing up blah blah blah..... Anyway as you get older you learn to stop being such a bitch and get on with life so i did just that and decided it was time to fuck. So i meet a willing participant (5 months ago) who was all for it and while I'm kissing her get an erection that fades in like 1 minute the rest of the hour or so of foreplay I'm sucking on titties and thinking hey penis when are you going to get into this. By the end of the hour i was thinking about what the fuck is wrong. Never called her again.
    So I get home and start stressing out getting really self conscious about my new found problem. So now not only could i not get it up with this girl now i can't get it up in private. Unless i try for ages and then finally I'm good. I see a Shrink who tells me I gotta stop stressing and gives me some questionaires to work through to relieve my anxiety. I get to relieving my anxiety to a good level some days and otherdays well it's out of control. And all through this i keep wondering how am i going to go next time...... That's the problem.
    The other part of the equation is I just met this girl who is amazing and when we go out it's natural i don't have to try we just get each other. I've never felt like this about anyone. So what do you do when you know at the start of a relationship that it's just attraction that's present and that a limp dicks do not sustain attraction. If she's cool with it i guess i could figure it out if she's not i guess that takes care of that. Any constructive advice would be greatly appreciated. And any guys who have figured this problem out before your experience would be valued.

    help me my sex buddies!!!
    Thanks
     
  2. Halogen

    Halogen New Member

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    Well, I'm a girl, :D but I do have some ideas. First, I think honesty would be key here. Instead of being terrified whether or not your penis will work (which will cause it NOT to work,), why not just tell this new girl "hey, I'm kind of new at this whole sex stuff, so can we take it slow?" Stimulate her for a while. I'd bet after seeing her get so much pleasure, it would take your mind off of your penis problems, and you would have no trouble at all with it.
     
  3. usernameagain

    usernameagain New Member

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    I would definately tell her whats going on otherwise it would be too much pressure to get the show started. good advice!
     
  4. jaguar

    jaguar New Member

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    When you get to the point of having sex with your new gf, tell her the doctor put you on some new anxiety meds that seem to be messing with your erection. And that she my have to help you along, ummm, maybe a few hand stocks or something. I think your getting to worked up, let that big boy out, show it off, let her play with it awhile > remember the medication problem? Good luck
     
  5. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Perhaps if you went back to see your gp , he/she could perscribe you another med that will help with the side effects of the other med, that may help you over all the probelms.
     
  6. Halogen

    Halogen New Member

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    I have to disagree with this. As a woman, I would much rather hear a man honestly tell me "Look, this is what's happening with my penis", other than something he made up - especially about being on medication. (Not that there's anything wrong with being on meds, but that might be something you wait until it's a bit more serious to reveal, that is, if he really were on meds.) I'd be impressed that this guy just laid it out for me and didn't hold back.
     
  7. usernameagain

    usernameagain New Member

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    Good call I have always felt that anti deppresants are required for some cases that are really severe but I manage to function well in my day to day life.It is relationships that i stuggle with and i believe that answers don't come easy but if i work at i'll get to the bottom of this. Part of thre reason i got on the net is that it gets the problem out of my head and allows me to get some perspective on what is a tabbo subject. not the type of thing you bring up in conversation. .....

    Jane: how are you today!!
    Tarzan: Iv'e been hunting lions and tigers and swinging from tree to tree it's been a great day.... Did i tell you i can't get my dick up....... ah ah ah ah ah ah ah (does tarzan scream and continues being king of the jungle)
     
  8. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    A lot of it is the macho image that makes it difficult for males to be honest with females about erection problems , you may well be able to function in life without meds....but is just being able to function good enough ? would you wish to be able to live laugh and have rid of this problem ?


    then meds or a trained therapist may well be your answer to solving all of this , instead of sitting quite and hoping it all goes away in time .
     
  9. usernameagain

    usernameagain New Member

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    You're right about the macho image partly, but i am seeing a therapist to figure out my thought patterns. i understand that it's not about my penis it's about my psycology and thought patterns so i gotta fix that and then it will be alright. An understanding partner would be helpful too.
    How do you not be self conscious is self consiousness the absence of confidence?
     
  10. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    I am not sure about that...


    But i used to have huge erection problems for a few years, so i guess after i got over that problem i was more able to realise it isnt just a few guys that have this its more than we all would care to think about.

    During my time i had help from a female friend a close close friend who did wonders for me , so i ended up being very open with her, and it helped a lot.

    It isnt easy to open up to a member of the opposite sex about this issue, but if your able to it will help lesson the pressure.
     
  11. usernameagain

    usernameagain New Member

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    Valued advise thank you!
     
  12. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    any time , your welcome :) i hope it and other peoples advice helps you..
     
  13. HouseHunny

    HouseHunny New Member

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    I agree with what has been said. Do NOT lie to any female. If she were to find out you lied even in the beginning of a friendship or relationship...that betrayal will just ruin any possibilities of what could be. Like Kronnie said, finding a very close female friend who you can confide in should be excellent therapy for you. She could even perform a little bit of physical therapy on you to get you warmed up to the idea of hooking up with a female.
     
  14. Joe

    Joe
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    Yeah, what others have said -- whatever else you do, DO NOT lie about it. Viagra might give you a little jumpstart to get things going -- to give you the confidence you need.
     
  15. usernameagain

    usernameagain New Member

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    I caught up with the girl i've been seeing and things started heating up. I told her everything no lies no stories and it didn't phase her. it took a while but once i started relaxing there was no problem getting it up. Thanks for your advice guys and gals it helped me out heaps.

    sincerly

    P.S
    we didn't have sex just yet but things are looking up ; )
     
  16. MADDOGHARPER

    MADDOGHARPER New Member

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    Great....

    That's great news, good advice above + remember sex has many forms, you could pleasure her in lots of different ways that don't involve your pecker.

    Maybe you could use these no-show moments to experiment with more fun sexual practices Like sex with food and concentrating on what turns her on, where and how she likes to be touched, maybe a little play, like blindfolding her and using foreplay such as kissing her from head to foot then slowly working your way up again stopping in more sensitive areas to practice your oral technique, find out what really gets her going, I believe penetration is the simplest and easiest form of sex, for which is the main focus of to many guys.

    I believe everyone should from time to time practice non penetrative sex as it familiarises us better with each others bodys and through talking too we get to know what really gets us going and therefore we have better sex. It also teaches us discipline and makes us want it more next time!!!!

    If it is down to your mood and stress levels, I wouldn't try viagra as people do become dependant on it, there are herbal remedies my friends use although I can't remember the name.

    Hope this is helpfuland good luck!!! Mark.
     
  17. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Im glad things are looking brighter for you.... and its great perhaps some of us where able to offer some advice that maybe helped you overcome :)
     
  18. gretorion

    gretorion New Member

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    Hey bro first of all be who you are never stray away from that.And allways be staight up with everyone even the girlfriend .Most macho guys are bitches cause they are a fucked up emotional wrecks rebuilt buy what other dudes think is cool and how they look.You might want to use viagra if your docter is cool with it. I have used it it can be a sweet thing or a disaster.If you take it dont piss the old lady off trust me:brow