My Man Doesn't Want Sex HELP!

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by gypsymantis, Nov 18, 2006.

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  1. gypsymantis

    gypsymantis New Member

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    Hi all....
    I've been lurking here for a while, but decided that I finally wanted to post and got a profile yesterday.
    I've heard you all talk fun, serious and kinky and now it's my turn to ask a question.
    For the time that I was 13 I was always highly sexual. I don't know what it was that caused that at such and early age, and I didn't even enjoy it for many years unless I did it myself, yet I lost count of my partners around 370.
    I was married for 10 years to a man who was very sexual. He had strange fetishes and taught me to be much more open sexually than I ever was. I didn't like that part of him to be honest. I was turned off by him being such a freakin horndog! He did weird things though, like waiting til I was asleep and tieing me to the bedposts face down and fucking me in the ass. I would be asleep many times til penetration because I took sleeping pills for years. It seemed to be almost sinister instead of playful, so I really hated him for it. Yet, indeed I learned to be much more open sexually and now actually like many of the things he did than that made me not like him at all.
    We eventually divorced though, and I was actually alone for almost 2 years. I bought toys to keep me satisfied, but eventually wanted a real partner.
    I was very beautiful when I was young and am still I suppose okay now.... but I am finding that my current lover and friend doesn't want to make love, fuck, have sex, play...nothing!
    I liked when we first met that we both agreed that sex wasn't the most important part of a relationship. I liked that he didn't pursue me like a toy. I have several health problems and he was gentle and kind and I knew he really loved me to stay with me. As I know he loves me now....YET...he doesn't want to fuck me!
    Over the summer, we tried nudist colonies and fucked right in front of people...it was so awesome! It seemed that I was safe than, because if I was feeling like I couldn't get his attention sexually, I could get him to the nudist colony and he would always fuck me there.
    Now....it's getting cold out.....and in too. I'm finally, I believe hitting my sexual prime and he's going down, down downhill....he has no sex drive.
    I am 35 and he's 42, and I have always loved men that were older because they seem to be more controlling. I like to be both in control, yet sometimes I really love someone to totally own me! More of the time than not, I want a man that is forceful and in control, yet gentle and kind in the sack.
    I like to try new things and we've talked about having another woman...but we both really want another man for doubling. Yet how do you find someone for that that you can trust!
    It feels like unless I find something new he's not going to be interested. I freakin masturbate all the time.....but I want him!
    I really love this man, but I need him to want me! Is it my illness'? Am I ugly now? Is there something wrong with him that he won't say? Do I not turn him on?
    He claims that I have a beautiful pussy, and he loves to eat pussy, yet I can't get him down there if I freakin shoved a candybar up there while he's starving! (J/K...didn't try this one!)
    I take care of myself well. I'm shaved and clean and smell nice. I take care of myself like we just met last week. And you know what I mean by that....you're always more conscious of yourself when you first meet someone. I have take care to stay that way for him.
    I rented some pornos last night and some other movies. He chose the other movie and when it was over and I thought we would put the porno in....he walked straight over to his computer and began answering a post on a forum he's involved with! It was so blatantly saying "not tonight"! I said I was going to bed and he came in...said goodnight and went back to his computer.
    OMG I'm going crazy! What can I do to get laid here? He knows I'm concerned about it. It's not as if we haven't talked. But there is no real excuse for it now. We're both off work for 2 weeks....so tired is not an excuse, kids being home isn't an excuse (and btw our bedroom is clear on the other side of the house from theirs) and not having time isn't an excuse.
    The thing that really bothers me too is that when I pursue him and he says no, than I feel like I'm pressuring him and when he does fuck me it will be like out of guilt...so than I feel guilty! And I can tell he feels bad about it too, yet it doesn't get him to do it....and truly I don't want a guilt fuck! I want him to really want me. I never thought that this kind of thing could break up a relationship, but I'm feeling like I've got a roommate, not a partner....and when things get bad between us or financially, it doesn't seem worth it anymore.
    I'm a sick single mom and he is not a wealthy guy. I attempt to continue working and because of my child support do okay, and I know it doesn't feel good to him to take from me, but I'm feeling used. I know he couldn't survive financially without me.... so this no sex thing is really becoming an issue because if he's not truly my partner, than what are we doing?
    Please HELP! :help Is it possible that he's gay and just attempting to live a straight life? A lot of people think he's too pretty to be straight....or seems to fit in too well in that crowd. Which I really don't care, but I want him for me!
    I know I'm very bi-curious....but it doesn't stop me from having a relationship with him. I have never really had a sexual experience with another woman, but really would like to. He has been with other men, but says he's straight. He says he tried it, but didn't like it.
    I'm totally confused than! If anyone has any ideas or has been through or is going through this....please do tell me!
    thanx a bunch guys.....
     
  2. cbrmale

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    I suggest you talk about this open and honestly without accusation. The way to discuss important issues is to use the 'I' word, not the 'you' word.

    For example: I loved the sex we used to share when we first got together and now I miss it and I was wondering if there is anything I can do? Using the you word becomes an accusation, and will make him defensive.

    If this doesn't work, and you want to keep the relationship going, then perhaps a physical medical check-up because you never know what may be draining his physical energy. Beyond that, seek professional counselling with a qualified psychologist, psychologists are used to dealing with sexual issues between couples.
     
  3. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    Gypsy I copied this from your post
    quote:Over the summer, we tried nudist colonies and fucked right in front of people...it was so awesome! It seemed that I was safe than, because if I was feeling like I couldn't get his attention sexually, I could get him to the nudist colony and he would always fuck me there.
    end quote

    I believe the answer is right their for you to see, Get him to go to swing parties with you, You don't really have to fuck other people at a
    party (I fucked my wife many times at swinging parties)
    from your post it seams that he gets turned on doing it to you in
    a public place, So do it and also most of the women that swing are bi
    so that may take away some of your yearning for another woman.
    Have you talked with him frankly and asked why the nudism
    turned him on. Try it you just may open a few doors.
     
  4. gypsymantis

    gypsymantis New Member

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    Your ideas.....

    I believe the answer is right their for you to see, Get him to go to swing parties with you, You don't really have to fuck other people at a
    party (I fucked my wife many times at swinging parties)
    from your post it seams that he gets turned on doing it to you in
    a public place, So do it and also most of the women that swing are bi
    so that may take away some of your yearning for another woman.
    Have you talked with him frankly and asked why the nudism
    turned him on. Try it you just may open a few doors.[/QUOTE]

    Yes we have talked.....and it's just his thing I guess the naked, outdoors thing.
    We have also talked about swing parties, yet don't really know how to get hooked up with the right people. And would we be accepted?
    As far as me and other women...that would be so awesome! I know that would turn him on too.
    Finally got him in the sack last night :woohoo , but until it happened, I felt again like I was pressuring him, so I just acted indifferent until I could tell that he was in the mood too.
    Thanx so much for the posts guys!:)
     
  5. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    To get into swinging just type "swinging clubs" on Google search
    litterly thousands will cum up.
    Then once you join a club that has plenty of people you can write to
    anyone that is listed.
    Their will be plenty that say they wish to have sex in front of other people
    or if you wish just have sex with a single guy while hubby watches
    Their is probally a hundred things that you can do to get him turned
    on.
    I have for one done them all and my wife loved it as she is an exibitionist
    and it got her motor running as well as mine.
    PM me and I can give you a lot of clues to ways to turn him on.
     
  6. gypsymantis

    gypsymantis New Member

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    :bow to you all! Especially you hiker!
    Problem solved! :cool
    Because I'm so sick...one of those problems including a papaya sized mass in my uterus, he really thought I didn't want him right now!
    He thought he would hurt me even if I wanted to make love.
    OMG has life been good since we talked!
    :tup
    Thanx a bunch!
     
  7. AnonymousOne

    Gold Member

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    Communication = Gratification

    -Thus sayeth A1
     
  8. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    Why are they not removing the mass, my dear?
     
  9. gypsymantis

    gypsymantis New Member

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    I have been having some insurance issues...of course. I'm seeing a new doc on the 1st and more than likely it will be removed quite quickly after that. More than likely they're saying I may have to undergo hysterectomy for which I'm not too pleased about tbh. But it sux feelin like I'm carrying a baby too. They did talk about a thing where they cauterize the blood vessels in the mass forcing it to die naturally, but the shear size and location could be a factor. Location meaning how it's positioned itself in the uterus.
    I'm feeling a bit like a lab rat lately!
     
  10. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    I imagine so. That can't help the libido and romantic mood much either....for either one of you.
     
  11. cbrmale

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    You have a uterine fibroid, and you should avoid a hysterectomy at all costs because it can have all sorts of post operative issues and may well ruin your sex life, prolapse of the vagina once the uterus is removed is not uncommon, as is nerve damage and the impact it can have on orgasmic capability.

    There are two options, the cauterising the blood vessels mentioned above and a procedure called a myomectomy, where the fibroid is surgically removed with the uterus left intact. Myomectomies can be done for quite large fibroids, but you may need to find a surgeon who specialises in this procedure.

    I have first-hand evidence that a myomectomy is a good thing, after two weeks or so recovery time there was no evidence that she'd ever had it. Full recovery, no complications, uterus and vagina totally intact, as orgasmic as she'd ever been.
     
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