my girlfriend's orgasm is a rarity

Discussion in 'Sexual Foreplay and Techniques' started by DoomzDayz, Jan 4, 2007.

  1. DoomzDayz

    DoomzDayz New Member

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    first off, we arn't having sex, i am talking about oral sex (sometimes with fingering). however, i have read many guides and had lots of input but it is to no avail - i have only gotten her to orgasm once with her help. and it took hours.. literally.

    now, before i even touch her down there, there is tons of foreplay. she is already very very wet and shoves my head down there. in addition, we've been together a while and are very comfortable with each other - we communicate very well. she's told me what feels good, suggestions on what to do, we've slept together naked, masturbated infront of each other. however, i still can't get her to orgasm (again). i am a pretty coordinated guy with lots of endurance and can do the same thing for long periods of time, soft or hard. even doing this for hours has not so good results - even though she gets so wet that she drips.

    she has said that it feels good to the initial touch, like the first lick, but then her body gets used to it and it becomes insensitive. when i mix it up, it feels a little different, sometiems good, but the same thing happens. if i go too much or too hard, it hurts.

    again i've read several guides, used fingers, tongues, combinations of both, come hither, alphabet, vacuum, long licks, etc, all at different tempos and strengths. all with teasing her LOADS(kissing her everywhere, kissing from the knee up to her vagina but skipping over it). she is EXTREMELY horny before i touch her vagina.

    now, when she masturbates, she puts on her panties. this is even after she is very very wet, including her clit, and is naked anyway. in addition, she usually takes 15 minutes+ (going on to an hour even sometimes) to get off just herself. and well she said it has been getting boring, even with me doing various things to her while she masturbates.

    i'm the first person that she has let do these kinds of things to her, i've done it to one other person before and she was really easy to get off.

    what can either of us do to remedy this problem?
     
  2. cbrmale

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    It isn't your job to get your girlfriend off, she has to relax and enjoy what you are doing too! I've had girls who were easy to get off, and some who were harder, but the longest is about half-an-hour with success at the end. I often use g-spot pressure, which is a more specialised form of fingering. You may want to try it and see what happens, there are plenty of on-line resources on where or what it is, but you won't find it until she's a bit aroused to start with. Once aroused, it is a rough spot about two knuckles in, and if your girlfriend is on her back, picture a clock-face with the g-spot being anywhere from ten to about two, but usually at twelve (straight up).

    If you do try it, press it or stroke it not-too-heavy, and see if she enjoys it, and see if it hastens her arousal.
     
  3. DoomzDayz

    DoomzDayz New Member

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    i know it's not my job, she says it too and that it doesnt matter to her, she just wants me to be happy - but i still really want to give her orgasms. it's a big ego breaker.

    i've experimented with g-spots, probably too hard, i will try it lighter next time.

    i've been considering getting her a rabbit vibrator - do you think this would be a good idea or am i just dooming myself? also, is the clit stimulator adjustable length wise or usable without the dildo portion?
     
  4. Bluesy

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    She wears panties to masturbate? And you said that oral sex is sometimes painful for her... I'm thinking that she might have an unusually sensitive clitoris. You could try decreasing sensation by using a dental dam (or two) for oral. I know you can "numb" the clitoris through overuse of a vibrator, but I don't know if the same could happen with a tongue. Weird. Is she on any medications that could have that effect? Some antidepressants have a numbing effect on the genitals.

    The only other thing I can think of is that for some reason or other she become unaroused during oral.
     
  5. cbrmale

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    I once had a mistress who was soooo sensitive. She was old enough to know she was different and she told me our first time, so I went really cautious and gentle and - you know - it worked. It was doing oral with much less than half the pressure. And when she came, you couldn't penetrate her for quite a while because her clit was even more sensitive. I did g-spot and light oral on her, the first time someone had done that, and it worked.

    Other women I've been with who use vibrators too much go the other way, they desensitise themselves and you struggle to get anywhere.

    Every woman is different, which is why oral is a two-way street. When your partner interacts in some way (telling you up front or at least giving some body language or something on the way), as a man you've got something to work with. If they don't interact much, then you end up fumbling around and not getting very far.

    With some quiet girls, I used to get them to show me how they masturbated, and then mimic the place they rubbed and the pressure they used, but you've done that already! So, apart from the g-spot thing, I really don't know. Good luck, and perhaps talking more may help.
     
  6. DoomzDayz

    DoomzDayz New Member

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    thank you for the responses - the pain might be referring to very hard fingering. she kinda likes pain. what is a dental dam? like a flat condom?

    the only medication she is/was on was for her pain in her shoulder. she hasnt taken it in quite a while.

    and i don't believe she becomes unaroused, she continues to do stuff to me that she wouldn't normally do, without having me to drop hints at all. and she is (still) pretty wet, but i guess that has no where to go.

    we interact a lot and talk a lot (perhaps we just dont know the correct information to exchange, we are both new at this). its become more of a she tells me what to do but it isn't working. i did watch her masturbate but i didn't get a gauge as to how much pressure she was applying.. i usually start off light to get her used to it but then go harder - she asks me too. she says that feels nice (but maybe just at first?)
     
  7. DoomzDayz

    DoomzDayz New Member

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    update:

    so this is whats been going on. since this thread i've been able to make her come once or twice. yes, just once or twice. one night i watched her play around with her clit stimulator:

    -she did it without any panties on and with it on top of her clitoral hood.
    -she varied in intensity of vibration and circular motion pretty randomly (she claims so herself) going from 1 to 3 to 5 to 2 to 8 to 3 to 10 to 5 to 4 etc etc (from intensities 1 to 10) with random moments of using the circular function
    -she says there is no way that she is able to communicate exactly what she wants to me when im going down on her.
    -she says its her that is the problem and we will probably try to find a sexdoctor sometime.
    -took her over 15 minutes but reasoning being because she thought i was bored watching her. we are extremely comfortable with each other now.

    opinions or cheap decent sexual health doctor in the baltimore/washington area?
     
  8. MikeDog

    MikeDog New Member

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    I agree with cbrmale the combination of tongue and fingers on g-spot is great. I use both tongue and fingers at all times. Pretty much any type of additional sensation from fingers is a good thing. Another good finger one is spreading your 2 fingers apart once inside into V shape and moving them in and out.
     
  9. DoomzDayz

    DoomzDayz New Member

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    i've done many variations of tongue and fingers but it usually ends up feeling really good then ok then hurting, perhaps i should go at a decreasing speed/intensity with my fingers. i've messed around with expanding my fingers as well but i got no descernable reaction from her and im not trying to get her used to something wider than my dick!
     
  10. cbrmale

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    One mistake guys make when a girl gets aroused is to get excited and get carried away and pushing too hard. Once you get it right, you just do it over and over again until she comes.

    Oral is better than fingers, because the tongue is moist and soft and fingers are dry and hard. If it is going to take a long time, relax your tongue, and just stay with it. Relax your tongue, feel her response so you know the right spot to rub and the right pressure to use, and just stay with it.

    Also do research in g-spot, the mistress I referred to had many lovers prior to me, and I showed her a new style of orgasm with that one. If you google g-spot, you can explore with the tip of one finger, and when you find it press and gently rub with that finger. If oral and g-spot combined doesn't get her off, I will be surprised.

    You're a good bloke for staying with this, and I hope your persistance pays off in the end.
     
  11. DoomzDayz

    DoomzDayz New Member

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    i used to do the too hard part but i make sure i maintain around the same strength and intensity and frequency but it still gets to hurt. i've stayed with oral for long times (like an hour or more) but now she usually stops me because it isnt going anywhere. apparently she likes a lot of randomish intensities (see my post before my last post entitled update:).

    i've experiment a lot with the g spot, any time i stick my fingers in there i attempt to stimulate it. experimented rubbing hard one time, tapping more gently, etc, but it is still the same.

    thank you, i really love her and want her to feel what i feel. it has been paying off, she has been grateful
     
  12. onesandzeroes

    onesandzeroes New Member

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    first - don't make her feel like something is wrong with her, the anxiety and pressure could just make it harder. We all progress sexually, but it's not about the progress right? it's about the journey there, you have alot of time, so take it. dont' be in a rush. Treat this as another thing that would be fun if you guys could do it, but not a big deal if you can't.

    Everyones experiences are different, but this is what I'd recommend.

    Watch her masterbate, and then try to mimic the motions with your fingers - ask for directions as to if there is too much pressure or too little, or too fast or too slow.

    After using your finger becomes easy, then work on oral. Fingers is easier because your fingers are more agile and tire slower than your tongue. Plus, you can talk to her - which you can't do when using your mouth obviously. I would focus on clitoral stimulation first, if that's what she uses to come when masterbating.