My girlfriend stopped having sex

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Donrite, Jan 3, 2008.

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Ref:My girfriend stopped having sex

Poll closed Jan 13, 2008.
  1. She's cheating

    10.0%
  2. She want me to marry her

    40.0%
  3. Should I cheat because I want her too

    10.0%
  4. Should I leave her

    40.0%
  1. Donrite

    Donrite New Member

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    Hi all, need help and or advise. My girlfriend of 2 years and 1 child wants to stop having sex as her new year's resolution. She says because we're not married and that she's not living a godly life. So my question is should I call it quits or just cheat.


    I really don't know what to do. I could understad this better if the relationship started out that way, no problem. But she cutting me cold turkey.
     
  2. Dreama

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    Don't cheat, man. If you have to cheat, you shouldn't be in the relationship. Perhaps her religious values are very important to her, and she needs someone to be understanding. Now, having said that, I don't really see the sense, but them, I'm in no way religious. But, if you do not plan on being married to this girl, and sex is more important than your relationship, get out of the relationship. But, if a person doesn't want to have sex, you can't make them. So, you have your options. I hope you make the right choice. Just please, don't cheat. That's just not cool.
     
  3. Donrite

    Donrite New Member

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    Thanks, it just hard i'm devasted I didn't even see it coming but oh well. If it wasn't for our child it would be a whole lot easier. Because I could just turn around kick rocks and never look back. But because of the child me and her will always cross paths no matter what and he's only 2yrs old. I wanna make it work but she decided something that effects me aswell. Do the math what if your guy tells you that tonight how would you feel. Thats what i'm going through. Thanks
     
  4. Dreama

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    If that's the way my man felt, I'd have to adhere to that. I love him, and I'd stick with him, and there was about a year where he said that we weren't having sex, because I wasn't on birth control. Fair enough, I got on it as fast as I could, and it's alright. I don't think it's fair to her or to your child to cheat on her. If you want to cheat, drop her. If not, you need to be talking with her about this. Chances are, you can at least make some sort of compromise. There is such a thing as masturbation. If you ever do plan on marrying her, you could wait, if you care enough about her. If not, you need to talk with her and make sure she knows you're not going to marry her. But cheating is really not the answer here.
     
  5. Joe

    Joe
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    Two years and a child, and NOW she's cutting you off? Are you living together? It so it sounds to me like she's forcing the issue of a wedding... or wanting you to leave.

    I agree with Dreama. Cheating isn't the way to maintain a relationship nor to leave one. If you need sex, leave her and then have it. I waited 12-14 years for my ex-wife to realize revirginizing wasn't a realistic goal. I gave up, divorced her, gave her mostly everything I had, then borrowed more money to give her. The cost of that divorce was the best money I ever spent.
     
  6. Dreama

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    Yeah, and if it's like Joe said, and she's trying to force a wedding, you should seriously let her know that isn't alright, and talk about it.
     
  7. Donrite

    Donrite New Member

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    we live together On 1/1/08 after she told me that she's done with the sex and that she wanted to live a spiritual life I said lets get married then. Her reply was we're not ready yet. She also said that I'm not helping out as much with our son far dicipline. He's only 2 and I also work long hours. She also just recently got on preg pill in October. So somewhere between Oct. & Dec 31 something went wrong. It doesn't make sense. So right now I'm playing it by ear. I'm not gonna even mention it to her. Last thing I said was that She made a decision with out sitting down and talking to me about it. She says im being selffish and that im only thinking about myself which is not true it affects both of us but she does not relieze that.

    But I'm glad but not happy that this is a big topic. Because by reading each post, I see that I'm on the same boat with others but not happy that this happening to us. I'm reading that its frequent with married couple than singles. I can't even I'm still devestated this came out of left field for me, didn't even see coming. I'm more hurt because we have a kid 2yrs boy. If it wasn't for that, I wouldn't be as hurt because I could just kick rocks and not look back. But dunno I'll be fine. A day at a time.
     
  8. Donrite

    Donrite New Member

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    At that time I was angry, mad, sad, crazy after hearing the news. But couple guys at work said that give it couple of days she will turn around. But in the mean time I'm having a hard time acting normal. She's acting like everything is peachy. I'm giving her til next week and i'm moving out but not breaking up. My excuse is going to be I can't lay in bed next to my girlfriend and not touch her. Not only I'm a tocuhy feelly type of guy, she has big tits. Thats my next move. Thanks
     
  9. Dreama

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    Well, I think that although you love her, she does need to know that this is serious. If it takes you moving out for her to see that, then so be it. I don't think it's fair to trap someone like that. It's a sucky situation, but I hope it all turns out in the end.
     
  10. Donrite

    Donrite New Member

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    guys head up please. This soap opera is beyond real and I think I've found the answer.
    Check out what someone sent me, And I think I'm gonna use it.
    Your taughts please.
     
  11. Donrite

    Donrite New Member

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    guys head up please. This soap opera is beyond real and I think I've found the answer.
    Check out what someone sent me, And I think I'm gonna use it.
    Your taughts please.
     
  12. ~emm~

    ~emm~ New Member

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    in my opinion, sex is a way to express love and feelings for each other, and of course the relief and pleasure. I've tried a relationship without sex and i found myself very frustrated which of course caused the relationship to end. if you can't handle the frustration (if any) then it will be very hard to keep the relationship steady and calm. if u can handle it then go for it
     
  13. Donrite

    Donrite New Member

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    hahahaha... some women man and thier tactics..

    I hope you're not seriously falling for this.. that's not a REAL new years resolution.. she wants sex, more than YOU do buddy.. that's such an obvious cry out for you to marry her..

    If I were you, i'd just let her know "my" new years resolution (was to get married to you by the end of this year).. but ever since I herd your new year's resolution (I don't think I want to get married to someone like that).. so "my" NEW resolution (is to have sex this year, even if my girlfriend doesn't want to have sex; just because SHE doesn't want to have sex, doesn't mean I don't want to have sex, and it doesn't mean i'm going to stop having sex, maybe i'm not going to have sex with HER, but i'm still going to have sex)

    And on that note.. tell her, "ever since you told me about your new year's resolution, I realized you're not the kind of person I thought you were; and I simply can't marry someone like you, so since this relationship isn't heading towards marriage, there's no point in us being together.. don't get me wrong, I love my child, my child has done nothing wrong, I just don't love you, not after what you said.. goodbye, there's nothing left to say between us"

    BAM! nice, simple, quick, counter-bull-sh*t..

    Want to tell her you mean business? Go over to Chios one day; go into a woman's store.. spray some purfume (strong purfume) on your shirt, on your crotch, on your cheek, don't over-do it.. go talk to one of the ladies there and tell them you're looking to buy some lipstick for your wife; you want to suprise her (they want to sell you stuff), so just ask for what the "hottest color" is right now.. and they'll give it to you.. buy it.. smudge just a little over your lip (either top or bottom; preferably bottom/side "the end of your lips".. and then go back home..

    She'll think you actually cheated.. and you'll act like nothing happened.. in fact.. if she asks you what happened; you should just tell her "nothing".. deny it.. the more you deny it.. the more she'll think you seriously went with another woman.. or women! and POOF.. her perceived sexual power over you is gone.. now she'll be lost.. she'll think to herself "fcuk; I have no sexual control over him, he can easily get other women to sleep with him, and now he's going to break things off and leave, and i'm going to be stuck with this kid, I fcuked things up bigtime with by bullsh*t.. what do I do?"

    Let her ponder this a couple of times as you keep going to Chios or to slightly distant places to keep doing "nothing".. (just remember to toss out any lipstick you have on your, or receipts, etc.. she'll be searching.. buy condoms.. lots and lots of condoms!! and start taking them with you.. fill your pockets with them.. and as you come home every night.. throw 1-2 of them in the trash before you get home..

    It'll finally hit her.. "I better cut this bullsh*t out and say sorry.. I don't want him to leave me and live a man's life having to do actual work to provide for my family.. it's much easier to just have sex with him and b*tch at him occassionally so he can do that man stuff.."

    After she comes to her senses; she's going to want to know what you were doing, she'll try desperately to make you say it.. she'll first try to force you, then she'll make you feel like it doesn't matter to her anymore.. just stick with your story "nothing".. until she stops asking.. if you let her know what ACTUALLY happened; she'll never take your threats seriously in the future; and CREDIBILITY is a valuable tool.. so don't lose it.. it sounds to me like you're going to need it in the future..
     
  14. Bluesy

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    Playing fucked-up head games with your girlfriend because you disapprove of her lifestyle choices is an unbelievably childish and ethically repulsive thing to do. But, hey, if you're trying to provide her with the right incentive for dumping your ass, acting like a jerk is the way to go.

    People change, that is life. If you don't like the decision she's made, be a man about it and say so. Give her an ultimatum even: I can't exist in a sexless relationship, so either we resume having sex or we go our separate ways. The two of you have just become incompatible as partners: deal with it.
     
  15. AnonymousOne

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    Right so ... you've really gotten yourself in it haven't you?

    Well aside from sounding like a complete tool in the last post I'll still give you my advice.

    You're rather stuck ... children are ... complicated and make the decision harder. You have an obligation to that bundle of DNA which is half yours. At the same time you have had a diametric shift in life philosophies with the person that you had that child with.

    I think you need to sit down and be completely honest and rational. Bullshitting her will only create greater problems down the road and what might be a speedbump now will be a giant concrete wall in the future. You can go over the speedbump now, crash into the wall later, or turn tail and run.

    Up to you.
     
  16. FlirtyChick

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    I agree wholeheartedly with Bluesy, and have more to add. I am a spiritual person. There is no way in hades that she made this decision overnight unless she is a kook. Have you not been paying attention??? You should not cheat, or play games, or move out based upon the fact that four days ago the woman with whom you fathered a child decided to act upon her religious beliefs. Furthermore, to quote A1:

    "Right so ... you've really gotten yourself in it haven't you?

    Well aside from sounding like a complete tool in the last post I'll still give you my advice.

    You're rather stuck ... children are ... complicated and make the decision harder. You have an obligation to that bundle of DNA which is half yours. At the same time you have had a diametric shift in life philosophies with the person that you had that child with.

    I think you need to sit down and be completely honest and rational. Bullshitting her will only create greater problems down the road and what might be a speedbump now will be a giant concrete wall in the future. You can go over the speedbump now, crash into the wall later, or turn tail and run.

    Up to you."

    You need to grow up, talk to her like a man, and be considerate and loving of her feelings and beliefs. I don't know you or her, and she could be playing you so you will marry her, but she at least deserves your respect. If you are only in it for sex and your child was an oops, then you need to consider what the best thing to do for all three of you is. And I tell you another thing. I don't care how much you work, or what excuses you have, you have a responsibility and obligation to your son to help with raising him, i.e. discipline, providing care and love, shelter, food and on and on. (Whether you are with his mother or not) My husband helps me with every aspect of running our household and with interacting with my child, and we both work full time and volunteer at church.

    Get your head together, get a babysitter, go to a nice coffee shop and talk it out. If you love her, work for a compromise; if you don't, split. But don't cheat, or fake cheating, or do anything else selfish that will compromise your integrity in the face of your son. Trust me, he is old enough to get clues, and he deserves better than that.

    Sorry for the slam, but I am in just in a soapbox kind of mood. I hope it works out for you!!!
     
  17. Joe

    Joe
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    I agree with Bluesy and the others... playing games isn't the answer. That MAY be what she's doing (probably not), but it's not smart in any case. Heart-to-heart talks are the only way. If you can't agree to a compromise, just leave. Moving out without breaking up isn't a bad idea either. Can you both afford to live separately? You should help her (your son) with living expenses either way.
     
  18. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    In all honesty she is having a major issue with having premarital sex, having a child out of wedlock, and living with you. Please do not take me wrong it was her decision too. I have dated a few women like that and the relationship is very much an emotional roller coaster. Chances are someone is feedling a line of guilt and making her feel bad about her choices. Even though you have a child with her you are probably better off living a part than together.
     
  19. Donrite

    Donrite New Member

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    Well guys and gals i've each and every single posts. You all are right. I'm gonna play it by ear and talk to her heart to heart.
    Thanks.
     
  20. ctown75

    ctown75 New Member

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    Do not get married for this

    For the babies sake its better to have an stable relationship single with the mother instead of one where you are fighting and together,so after you have your hart to hart and she if she is not willing to compromise then you need to walk. If there is no compromise and you stay, you will be thinking about this all the time and it will get bigger and bigger in your relationship and you will either get enough years later and leave of just give in and hate the relationship your stuck in.
    A couple is two,so she has been very insenitive making a decision without any input from you on such a meaningful thing in your life,no matter if she found religion.