My first casual hook up - advice please!

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Sigh, Apr 27, 2015.

  1. Sigh

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    So last Saturday I decided to have a drink with a guy I met after a gig a month ago. It was fun talking to him and hanging at the bar for a drink or two. He then asked if I wanted to go to his place and I declined immediately! We added each other on Facebook and were talking often like friends.

    Then on Saturday I was craving a drink with good company so I asked if he wanted go out for a drink. We had a lot of fun, good conversation and I did end up going to his this time. It felt natural. I hadn't had sex since October last year and I found him attractive. We had sex two or three times and weirdly he'd cuddle me and hold my body in really affection and loving way. He was slowly stroking my hair, my face and holding my hand which I wasn't expecting from a hook up but went along with it as it felt great.

    Then we had sex twice in the morning, drank champagne throughout the day lol. I planned on leaving immediately, as everyone seems to advise, but he didn't seem to want me to leave and said 'you don't have to' kind of thing. So for the whole of Sunday (yesterday) we just hung out at his, talking about music, life, work, everything, listening to music and having sex. The strange thing is after sex we'd just cuddle in bed for... 30 minutes or an hour and we'd take a nap together... I thought that was too intimate but still was lovely.

    I decided to leave at 7:30pm ish and we hugged goodbye. I don't think I have the capacity to get attached or hurt feelings now that I've finally tried casual sex but I would just love advice on what I experienced. Should I have left as soon as I woke? Was that too intimate for a normal hook up? I mean if a guy wants to fuck you on the same night of meeting you, surely he doesn't want a relationship?

    Thanks
     
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  2. Alwayslearningsex

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    Open talk with him. Be very blunt what you want and don't want.
    Maybe you might want to have him open up on those points first to see if it fits you or not.

    I had 3 FWB so far and each time on our part there was kissing, cuddling, sleeping together. It was always wanted for both.
    The other 2 I had to leave either for life taking us in a different direction or one was getting freaky on me.
    the last one is very adamant we don't aim for love, I never go to her place, but kissing, snuggling, all that is very wanted for both of us.
    I am the type who takes the FWB experience for all its worth in closeness, with that line. Loving and attraction is there,
    but relationship is not on our radar. If my take helps.
    I fell in love with the first one, it was painful on the heart, she did too, but we didn't fit, and her family life made it necessary to go separate ways for those 2 reasons. So for the last part, if you think love could play a part, take a close look first.
     
  3. Amature

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    I would be like your newfound friend I'm afraid. I don't think I could be intimate with someone, jump out of bed and go my separate ways until I was horny again. My wife and I started out just going to do that. But we fell in love after we met, one thing lead to another, and now we are married. I'm not being judge mental. Some people can, some can't. I'm one that can't, but wish I could.
     
  4. lbushwalker

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    "We had sex two or three times and weirdly he'd cuddle me and hold my body in really affection and loving way."
    idk but to me that sounds like perfectly natural behaviour!
    Sounds like the OP is afraid of this budding relationships as still not fully overcome a previous one.
    If she is not ready and only wants to be mercenary then time to bail or someone is going to get real hurt.
    I don't think the dude felt it was simply a "hook up" event and probably intents was not made clear from either side but still it would be clear that far from kicking her out of bed he was trying to hold her back.
     
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  5. Doitagain

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    Well sounds like a fun and interesting time. I just think you are over thinking it and making assumptions and a plan. It's early , go with the flow , no matter what if you are with this person for some time your thoughts will change a bit one way or another. He could be thinking all the same things.
     
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  6. HotForHoney

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    Only you can decide what's right.

    Figure out what you want and talk to him about what he wants.
     
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  7. billytk1977

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    Me and my wife started out just hanging out and messing around. In the beginning neither of us had expectations of eachother or where it would end. After a few weekend getaways and some mid week nights together we talked and things got more serious. What i learned from that, and i am the kind of person that likes to Be in control of things, is sometimes something or someone will pop in when you leadt expect it. You don't know where it will go or if it will end, enjoy the moment if you enjoy his company and if he enjoys yours. Let it take its course. You answer to no one but yourself in the end so enjoy life and ride the wave.
     
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  8. Sigh

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    I wasn't expecting to receive so many replies because of the length so thanks everyone!
    So from what I've read it seems the affection I experienced is quite normal. I guess I just have a very black and white mindset where relationships are all about intimacy and love, and casual sex is simply sex with a bit of friendship. I think my main worry is misunderstandings and hurting his feelings. I just need to talk to him about it. Other than that concern, I thoroughly enjoyed every second of it!

    @Alwayslearningsex I agree, communication is important, which is something I'm not the best at! I'll be taking on your advice :)

    @Amature He may be like you in that sense, I don't know, but it's true. Some people can't separate love and sex easily and just detach themselves like that.

    @Ibushwalker That would surprise me if that is the case since he wanted to have sex with me roughly an hour after meeting me! Better to be safe than sorry though. I'll have to set things straight and talk to him.

    @billytk1977 Although true I do not what a relationship at all. I'm not someone who would hook up with someone thinking 'this is a hook up but it could always be more'. I'm taking it for what it is, not what it could be (as well) if that makes sense. Who knows, something might change that but doubt it!

    x
     
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  9. billytk1977

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    Thats the thing about being human, we can go do things without these expectations. Do what makes you happy so long as no harm is caused. If it feels good go for it, use caution with his feelings.
     
  10. Candela

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    I dont think you did a wrong thing,In fact I think you done something very deserving for yourself!,You built up your confidence being able to have them feelings again for someone,sometimes,Even if you only know them for 1 hours,You have a connection and seem like you have spent forever together,Everything clicks and he makes you feel good..That my friend is the beginning of a wonderful relationship.

    Cherish that feeling as it doesnt come around often..Good Luck to you xo
     
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  11. Sigh

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    A wonderful relationship ('-') ... well I hope not lol. Oddly enough there was this silent understanding of each other and the way we are personality wise. Even in silence there was no awkwardness. I do cherish the feeling and moment but it was just a moment and good sex.
     
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  12. cbrmale

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    Always with casual sex if the woman I was with was into it, I would be close, affectionate and loving. Even if it was just a moment of good sex not to be repeated, that didn't mean that it couldn't be genuinely warm and affectionate while it was happening. Those close and intimate casual sex encounters are the ones I remember the best.
     
  13. mikeylikesit23

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    Just be honest with him. He probably likes you. Sex on first date is more common today. It doesn't mean he just wanted you for sex. Most men are affectionate but he must have felt comfortable to show you. Most men wouldn't out of fear of scaring you off.
     
  14. jdm320

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    I agree with most of the posters, talk to him, let him know how you feel.
     
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  15. Alwayslearningsex

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    You said it right, I would not be affectionate with someone I am not at ease with, ... I like being affectionate even if it was someone I like but will never meet again. Like, as in trusting and connecting with.
     
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  16. Sigh

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    I agree. I'm not saying the affection wasn't genuine, I just don't think it means that they could have feelings towards you or want more than sex or friendship. I'm not sure what wrong with me lol but I can be really affectionate with someone, have sex, bond through conversation and spend time with them and be OK with never seeing them again or them seeing other people... I'm not sure if this is normal.
     
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  17. Sigh

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    OK I wouldn't know :) I think it's because he knows a lot of girls in the bars we meet up at so I don't think he's serious with me. That being said he's a decent and respectful guy and he told me personal things about himself which surprised me a bit. Well I guess that just says that he's comfortable with me.
     
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  18. fbbg

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    I've had both FWB that have left pretty much straight away (or I have left straight away) and then I have the current girlfriend, who started out as a FWB but we both enjoyed a bit of a cuddle and she would stop the night and I would drop her off at hers the next morning (she only lived about a mile away). Its all about how well you get on with the person and what you both want. The FWB where we didn't stay the night etc were more just like causal friends, that you could have a beer with but not spend a lot of time with each other (i.e. you wouldn't want to go on holiday with), and the ones where we stayed over etc there was more of a friendship there where we could talk for hours and there was more compatibility and it is easier to spend more time together. I guess that's how me and the girlfriend got so serious as we found we just worked really well together and we were both happy with the way things progressed. Try not to be too black and white about it. Enjoy it for what it is so long as you are both on the same page and going at the same speed then life is good :)