My drive is high, what do I do?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by lovinlife84, Nov 26, 2013.

  1. lovinlife84

    lovinlife84 New Member

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    Well I'm not really sure sure how to begin with this, since I have never posted on a message board before, but I read on them a lot. So I guess here it goes. Please be kind and please no bashing.

    Well my husband and I have.been together for 15 years, his sex drive has came and gone through out our relationship. However the past few years have seemed like nothing but a struggle for me. I have never been able to experience things in the bedroom with him on a regular basis. The first thing that I noticed was that foreplay went out the door (I accepted that because we do have 3 children which are now 10, 6, & 5.) Then it was he didn't care if he finished anymore. I made it very known that I had a issues with that. Of which he replied, all I care about is you finishing. Why it bothered me I dealt with it for a while. Then he started with this "you play with yourself and I'll play with myself", I threw a fit. But to please him I did it, I just thought it was a phase. Then it was no not tonight. All in the mean time I'm buying outfits, setting the mood, getting dvds, ect.*

    Then it seemed like he snapped out of it and was into me again ( I was excited and hopeful ) and things have been going ok for the past 2 - 3 months.*

    Here we go again, he says I rub him raw, so I bought some lube (actually 3 different kinds**because I didn't know what one was best) so know he seems into sex but the rubbing him raw excuse is putting a hold on it. He says he doesn't want to use lube. Why? Whats wrong with lube? If it keeps him from raw who cares.
    I'm into all kinds of positions, oral, foreplay, ext. I'm not unattractive, I have a decent body, and c breasts. I show him love and compassion daily, along with building him up by saying things like how good he makes me feel, how much I enjoy being with him sexually, and random text messages about me give him oral sex. He talkes it up on text but at home he seems to always have an excuse.

    What do I do? How can I keep him from getting raw? (Do guys really get raw)
    Or do I just sit and wait like I did before?*

    Cheating isn't the issue, we have a great relationship other then the bedroom.*
    Guys any advice would be greatly appreciated.*
    Lady's any advice on what to do or if you have had to deal with this would also be greatly appreciated.
     
  2. roundabout

    roundabout New Member

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    If you are not getting much pleasure from things and it gets a slight bit stagnant at times.. it can cause a little rub burn but it usually effects both parties... It honestly sounds to me like he has taken up a little bit of porn on the side and you are catching him after he has relieved himself of any sexual tension... Over the course of a guys life (speaking from experience) foreplay is fine and all, but constantly rubbing a woman down before getting to the fun part can at times be tiring and a turn off... Im not saying this happens all the time but you have to find a balance between just straight fucking... and preheating the oven. The problem with women is if they dont get turned on first sometimes the penetration doesnt do it for them and it gets pretty saharaish down there... Another issue maybe the kids in the house... given the kids age it may somehow be an issue of getting caught and having to explain it... or he could just have a shitty job like the rest of us and not really care to partake in sex (although its a great stress reliever and should be used as such :) )

    Keep in mind this is a lot of speculation and should no way be considered truth about your situation... some guys just turn off to sex when they get older...
     
  3. lovinlife84

    lovinlife84 New Member

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    [ QUOTE =roundabout;407189]If you are not getting much pleasure from things and it gets a slight bit stagnant at times.. it can cause a little rub burn but it usually effects both parties... It honestly sounds to me like he has taken up a little bit of porn on the side and you are catching him after he has relieved himself of any sexual tension... Over the course of a guys life (speaking from experience) foreplay is fine and all, but constantly rubbing a woman down before getting to the fun part can at times be tiring and a turn off... Im not saying this happens all the time but you have to find a balance between just straight fucking... and preheating the oven. The problem with women is if they dont get turned on first sometimes the penetration doesnt do it for them and it gets pretty saharaish down there... Another issue maybe the kids in the house... given the kids age it may somehow be an issue of getting caught and having to explain it... or he could just have a shitty job like the rest of us and not really care to partake in sex (although its a great stress reliever and should be used as such :) )

    Keep in mind this is a lot of speculation and should no way be considered truth about your situation... some guys just turn off to sex when they get older...[/QUOTE]


    I understand that the kids could be an issue the garage has been turned into a man cave so just like a second living room since there's no car access I've even tried to please him oral down there with him doing nothing to me and he's not interested. Yes he has a stressful job he is a welder at a local canree. however we're pretty financially well off with money in savings he's off for 4 weeks and the whole porn thing I've tried to get him to watch porn because it doesn't bother me and plus it gives you ideas and men enjoy it and he's not really into that either. I've downloaded movies on my phone and send them to him and he says he likes them but he's not interested. I've let him video tape us he says he watches them all the time but still not interested in me. As for the foreplay that is not always a have to do you think he knows that.
    What else should I try any suggestions.?.
     
  4. roundabout

    roundabout New Member

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    If this was me in that situation... simply ask him what the fuck is going on lol. Other than that I cannot really see anything unless he is just having problems with his plumbing... How old is he just out of curiosity?
     
  5. lovinlife84

    lovinlife84 New Member

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    He also always says that he likes it when I play with myself. He always says that he wants to catch me but then when I do it he never does I can even give him the very distinctive hints that that's what I'm going to do just go he will catch me and he never does.

    Can you tell me what it is about a guy watching his wife play with herself or catching her does and why?

    I don't mind doing it I just don't see what it does for the men?

    He is 31 and I'm 29 we've been together 15 years in January. We've also had a few 3somes with both men (he doesn't touch them tho) and women a total of 5 times over the years nothing recently that I should be worried about we have a very open communication but this issue is not getting any better.


    We also have toys that I don't mind playing with but he never seems interested in them.
     
    #5 lovinlife84, Nov 26, 2013
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2013
  6. roundabout

    roundabout New Member

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    I am 30 and my wife is 25 and i have asked her on occasion to play with herself or even when i come home from work have that puppy ready for me to dive right into... I guess its just a guy thing.. the kink in it being a "socially taboo" thing to do i guess is a harmless turn-on in my book. I honestly do not know what his deal is but perhaps a few others on here could give you pointers.... id be naked in bed waiting for your ass to come in if that was the case here... lol But then again i have a much higher sex drive than my wife so..
     
  7. Essene

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    Masturbate more.
     
  8. lbushwalker

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    Perhaps getting his hormone levels checked?
    Dammit Loveinlife84 you sound like the perfect partner!
     
  9. ginger

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    You have it appears tried everything, time to start finding out what’s going on in his head sit him down and try an have a long soul searching talk....I’m no expert but worth a shot..

    Good luck
     
  10. Dogooder

    Dogooder New Member

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    Best advise I can give is to have him checked out by a Dr for testosterone. I'd also suggest a sec therapist. Your situation is not unique. Some guys have physical issues that need addressed. Others for some reason get a mental hang up. I'm guessing its mental. I'm not saying he's disturbed but maybe something happened that is creating an issue. Maybe those threesomes messed with his head or childbirth did. Get help.
     
  11. alwaystry

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    Wow , I am a guy but I am in your situation right now.if you figure it out let me know! As far as getting raw it has happened before but that was without lube and another time it was because I masturbated myself raw and then sex burned. So I thinkhe is making excuses. I know its better said then done but you have tohave a long discussion. It hasn't worked for me in my situation but I also do not know what else to do.
     
  12. alwaystry

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    As far as watching the wife play , I do love it. Itswatching her in pleasure, maybe learning something. Its just differant, love to see them get off. But, if I know they are only doing it for me it takes away from it.
     
  13. ply

    ply
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    Could be some of those welding fumes. They are not god for you. Especially galvanized. If he won't see a Doc to check for a physical problem ask him if you can get what you need on the side.
    No reason for you to go without just because he's having a problem
     
  14. ISOParadiseCity

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    Sometimes my cock can get a lil sore.
    When I was in my 20's, it never really stopped me, but trust me, sometimes it was sore as hell.

    You have three kids, perhaps dude is also really tired. Even though only 31 ish, 3 kids and work and he may be tired and afraid to admit it.
    Do you two use lube for the raw bit ? how wet do you get when you have sex? Are you REALLY wet ?
    15 years together is a long time.
    I once had a LTR with a woman who had problems getting wet, and it got to a point that lube was mandatory EVERY time. If we skipped it, my cock would get quite sore.
    Frankly, not that I'm old, but at 36 and now that I'm not a 21 hormonally insane guy anymore, I don't know if I would want sex every day. And I dont have kids.
    Perhaps if I had a gf or live in gf, I would go back to wanting sex daily, but honestly, I dont even know if I would need sex daily anymore.
    Probably depends on the woman also, is she seducing me, is she making me feel like a sexual creature? Or am I always doing the seducing ? That makes a differwnce.