My dilema.

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by ianmoone, Mar 10, 2011.

  1. ianmoone

    ianmoone New Member

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    So here's my dilema: I have been married for 27 years to a sweet woman the last 7 of which have been sexless. She has a medical condition that makes sex painfull (prolapsed bladder I think) that she has yet to see a doctor about. But I understand that it hurts her and if the doctor told her she couldn't have sex anymore, it would be difficult but I would deal. Since she hasn't seen anyone about it it tells me that my sexual needs are not important to her. So my dilema is this... Do I just suck it up and accept that my sex life is over,do I leave her to find someone with a higher sex drive or do I find a sex buddy to fill my needs? Please I need advice.
     
  2. awakened

    awakened New Member

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    I would just say "Listen here, I will go to the Dr. with you, just go get an opinion and see if there is a solution"
    There is a surgery that fixes it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  3. igor

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    Probably only you can see what is best for you. I know where you are coming from. Basically it has been almost 7 years for me too (except for a couple very brief "flings").
    With us it's not a pain issue but meds making it impossible for her to orgasm, and Alzheimer's, making her not give a shit about anything. So far I am just sucking it up.
     
  4. lbushwalker

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    Awakened, truer words never been uttered.
     
    #4 lbushwalker, Mar 10, 2011
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2011
  5. Trond

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    Oh boy, do I know about what you are going through, except that we have only been together for nine years (married eight). My wife also complains about all sorts of discomfort. We will try some different options, but I am more and more fearing that she will just have to live with our relationship being a bit more open....Not that I know where it is going right now. Anything is possible.

    In your case, it is a bad sign if she is not that interested in fixing it, but there may be relatively easy medical/surgical solutions if I understand it correctly. Good luck!
     
  6. cbrmale

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    We only live once and we never know what the future may bring. My epiphany was when I was aged 26 and I developed an illness that caused swelling around my spinal cord that could have led to paralysis above my waist. Fortunately it didn't, so I can live a normal life. But this caused me to think that we never know what the future may bring, and time is not to be wasted. Certainly not 7 or 8 years of time!

    So my advice, having faced what I did, is to all of you who have responded, don't waste years and decades! You all know how good sex with a partner is, or you may even remember how good it is. I certainly do, having had lovely sex with my wife just yesterday afternoon. To enjoy what I enjoyed, the delightful sensations of her smooth soft skin against mine, the warm, wet tight pull of her pussy against my cock, her whimpers of delight, her engagement with my building arousal, her connection to me when I orgasmed, our embrace when it was finished. If your wife can get her problem fixed but chooses not to, then find someone who can share these special, wonderful, intimate moments with you.
     
  7. AGFUNK

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    She needs to go to the doctor and have it checked out for her health to make sure it is not something really serious. Talk to her about it, myabe she's scared to go to the doctor, go with her to support her.
    As for the sex issue there is more ways of being intimate with your wife than just intercourse. Try mutual mastubation, touching and using your mouths. You shouldn't leave her after 27 years of marriage just because your sex life is lacking. There is so much more to relationships than just sex.
     
  8. cheeze

    cheeze New Member

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    question
    1, is she open to oral / anal?

    2. Tell her that she needs to see a dr about getting that problem sorted out because you are worried about her health. If she gives you crap tell her that you're not ready to give up your sex life yet, and she shouldnt give up on hers

    3. If she doesnt want to budge ask her if she would mind you sleeping with other people

    That will get her to move

    You are not being unfair at all relationships are about two people your needs are also important.
     
  9. need4more

    need4more New Member

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    See if you can get her to open up to you and tell her you will go with her.. What about oral??


    But sex is a huge part of being close and feeling close to your partner. It doesn't make you love them any less, but love them in a different way. But leaves you feeling alone in a sense
     
    #9 need4more, Mar 11, 2011
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2011
  10. andretti

    andretti New Member

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    I had the same questions that others have. There are plenty of ways to be intimate with someone other than intercourse. That fact that it's not even mentioned as a "back-up plan" seems odd. You never asked? She never suggested?
     
  11. ianmoone

    ianmoone New Member

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    Thank you all for your advice. I appreciate it. As far as oral, anal or manual goes: I have brought those ideas up and she won't have any of it. She won't do anal, hates oral, and the last time we did mutual masturbation after she came she told me to ''finish it myself''. That was the last time we were intimate. 7 years ago.