my boyfriends sexuality - - - please help!!!

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by bliss0027, Dec 9, 2008.

  1. bliss0027

    bliss0027 New Member

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    I have been with my boyfriend for about 6 months....we have said I love you, spend practically everyday together and he's incredibly affectionate towards me. I was very secure in our relationship until I found out from a mutual acquaintance (who didn't know we were together) that he has had sex with men before, as recently as right before we got together. I'm pretty sure he's not cheating on me now as we are always together and i simply can't see where he'd have the time to do it. I'm not uncomfortable with the fact that he's bisexual, if in fact he's truly bi. Lately however it's been eating away at me and i kind of freaked out..... and feeling super insecure i went and snooped on his computer. I found that he likes to look at transexual porn....which kind of took me by surprise.....but only makes me more confused.
    The more I examine our sex life the more i see how it is routine for him......he never gets really horny and just wants to fuck me.......it seems nothing i do can compel him enough to want to sleep with me.......i feel like i cannot seduce him.....or entice him.........in the end i usually just straight up have to ask him...can we have sex? The sex is not bad, but a lot of the time i can tell he's not there, and it's happened on more than one occasion that he goes soft halfway through.

    I talked to a very close mutual gay friend about the situation and he was quick to dispel my notions of him being gay...."he sounds bi" was his answer based on the whole tranny thing.....explaining most gay guys are NOT into transexuals. but still i'm sooooooo confused. My boyfriend practically hangs off me.....we are so close, he's so touchy feely....and if we were to spend only a day apart he talks about how much he missed me.....as well i was recently in a bad financial situation and all he wanted to do was fix it for me.........offered to pay for my expenses and still does........yet it seems that he has no sexual attraction to me............in past relationships when I've had guys crazy for me, we barely got out of bed.

    Now this is all can think about.........i've tried on many occasions to have a conversation with him about sex, our fantasy's, etc. but he's oh so very generic.....and it usually always reverts back to me and what i like. It pisses me off! I know he's a kinky boy..........hell I'm a really kinky girl.........I wish we could share this aspect of our lives together, but i can't find a way to broach the subject.......all this time we have both been pretending we are this regular, boring couple, when in fact we are both really open and freaky

    how do i talk to him about this.....considering we've never opened that door?
    do you think all of this just means he's gay or could he truly be bi?

    please.....i seriously need some perspective on this
     
  2. Dreama

    Gold Member

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    I think you need to just straight up ask him about it. In my opinion, he sounds like he's probably bi, or just likes experimentation-even straight men are compelled by transsexual porn. But you and he need to have this conversation-forget about broaching the subject correctly. I mean, be tactful, but if you're waiting for him to bring it up, he probably won't. Just be accepting, loving, and create a trusting environment. Maybe he's afraid of doing kinky things with you-that you might not accept it. Unless you tell him, he might never know.
     
  3. Drakonnen

    Drakonnen Member

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    If it weren't for the fact that he had actually been with other men, I'd just think he was someone who liked girls and "cock" but not necessarily guys. For instance, my wife has used one of her very realistic cock shaped toys on me (first just rubbing it around and later more, but never like a full on anal kind of thing), and I found that enticing, but the though of doing anything with an actual guy quite literally makes me ill to think about.

    Want to take things to the next level with him and get freaky? I'd suggest getting one of those very realistic toys if you don't have on yet. Start by using it on you, then pretend its an actual guy if you want to push the edge a bit and see if that gets him going (my wife will talk about it like its one of her ex-boyfriends, for example, describing something they've done in the past while using it on herself which might work for you). Then, if he is enjoying it, trying moving along to teasing him with it and just take it a little further and further.

    If he is game for all that, I think that, provided you'd be into it too, you should eventually work up to getting a strap on for you to use on him to feed into that transvestite, chick with a dick type of fantasy he seems to want.

    Just take the initiative though, and rather than "talk" about it, explore it in a more direct form. Sometimes its hard for people to admit things outright in words, but can admit it via what they're enjoying when actually doing it, because their horniness overrides any guilt they might feel when discussing it clinically outside of the bed.

    I hope that helps in some way! Good luck.
     
  4. saraseasprite

    saraseasprite New Member

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    I was in a similar situation. I had a wonderful, very attentive boyfriend that I discovered was into tranny porn. Our relationship was great otherwise. It is almost as if he were trying to make up for his 'issue' because I think he was fairly ashamed of it. He too had been with men in his past.

    He always made sure I was taken care of sexually, however, he had trouble orgasming inside of me and would finish himself, unless I used some sort of anal toy or we had anal sex, which I didn't like. As long as our sex had some 'gay' elements too it, he was fine.

    I realized after a time however, that I was not, and I broke up with him over the issue. Sometimes I regret it. I could have had fun bringing another guy into the mix. It was my own insecurities that got in the way. He did love me, but I did not love him enough to accept him for who he was because of my insecurity.

    That was three years ago. He has been with the same girl for about eighteen months now. I sometimes wonder how much she knows. She is a lucky girl to have him.

    My lesson from this, having been through it,....in order for this to work, you would need to accept and love him for who he is. That might mean having another man involved, using strap ons, etc., if he is willing. If you guys embrace the kinky sex together and have a trusting relationship, I think it could work.

    You would need to be a very secure person though. I know I couldn't handle it.
     
  5. saraseasprite

    saraseasprite New Member

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    double post
     
  6. cbrmale

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    For every exclusively homosexual man there are two bi men. However what you should be thinking about is not his preferences but rather your relationship now, and how it most likely will evolve in the future.
     
  7. CptNobody

    CptNobody New Member

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    I agree that you need to straight up ask him about it. If your sex life is lacking with him what can it hurt to at least find out what he is into. He must not be gay if he is with you, unless he has other intentions? Complicated.