my boyfriend wants to try anal sex?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by ElectricLight, Jan 21, 2008.

  1. ElectricLight

    ElectricLight New Member

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    When my boyfriend first started going out he brought up the idea of trying anal sex with me. He has told me he's done it a few times in the past, but at that time I was very against and told him straight out no, that i wouldnt even consider it. Since then he hasn't asked or mentioned it at all. Now about 7 months into the relationship I was thinking of trying it for him. Only it doesn't really come up and I don't know how to suggest to him we try it, and Im willing now. Any ideas?
     
    #1 ElectricLight, Jan 21, 2008
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2008
  2. cbrmale

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    It would turn me on if you fucked my arse (I love that word). It's great for us men when a women initates something raunch and naughty: so don't be shy. If you don't want the dirty talk, perhaps something like 'I love you, I love it when we have sex together, and I'd love to try something really special next time. I'd love you and I to have anal sex'.

    Remember that the practice is harder than the proposal. What worked when I've done anal was a lot of arousal of my women: lots of oral sex to her orgasm, me fingering her arse (that word again) with a couple of lubed fingers, and then some vaginal intercourse for a few minutes. The vaginal intercourse seemed to make a big difference to arousal; when we applied lube to my cock and swapped to anal there was virtually no drama in penetration.

    With first-time anal sex, position helps. One position that works really well is for you to lie on your back, your right knee pulled back near your face and held by your right arm. Your boyfriend is above missionary-style, and because of the effect of this position on your anus, penetration is relatively easy. Another one I have tried with an anal virgin was her on her stomach legs apart, me above, and it worked also. Don't try doggy-style or you on top first-up, as penetration is tight and deep, and that's not what you want.

    Remember to use enough lube, and remind your boyfriend that he must stop penetrating if you tell him to. Sometimes it can hurt for a moment, and he must stop until you are ready to take more. He must also start by thrusting very slowly. Remember that his previous partners may have been more experienced with anal sex than you, so it could be different because it's your first time.
     
  3. sarah_rslp

    sarah_rslp New Member

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    I really don't think it's going to work out trying to make the whole thing like some sordid porn movie.

    Anywho the posts been up a few hours now and in a while you're going to have some really detailed descriptions of the whole process, just like all the other anal sex threads.

    My experience (which I've talked about in other posts) was quite like yours. A bf asked me I said no, but I changed my mind a few months later basically cause he was a good guy and I wanted to do something for him. The fact that your bf hasn't mentioned it since you said no, says a lot for him.

    I didn't go down the whole route of saying "oh well I've been thinking about it and I decided I'd really love if you shoved yourself up my bum". I told him straight out I knew he wanted to do it, it wasn't my thing but I was a big girl and I'd do it for him once just so he could have the experience.

    Just for a bit of fun, I waited for a big footie match :dgrin when I made the offer, I told him he had a 10 minute window to get in the kitchen and do the business (I did see some hesitation but he didn't dare ask me to wait). I think in the end it was a better experience than watching his team get relegated.

    In my case my bf was a really good guy, but on the horizon it looked like we were going to have to split up because of our jobs. I'm not sure if you're in a very long term relationship, the affect anal sex could have.

    In my case I sorted out everything myself phsyically first, this whole thing off getting the guy to stretch your bum with toys and fingers didn't appeal to me. Without going into graphic detail I made sure that there weren't any health issues. There wasn't going to be any embarressing cleanliness issues and the penetration was going to be relatively easy.

    It does feel uncomfortable and quite strange and for me because we basically went straight to anal it lasted a little too long. But he loved it he was on top form for weeks afterwards. So I was happy he was happy.
     
  4. doreigirl

    doreigirl New Member

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    I agree with Sarah. Just let him know that you want to do this for him and that depending how it goes, it may only be a one time deal.

    I also agree that it is a good idea for your own self-consciousness to make sure things are clean down there I think what Sarah was probably referring to ("I sorted out everything physically myself") is that in the privacy of your bathroom you can always insert a finger up inside your anus to feel for any debris. If it feels empty, then that is great. Otherwise, you need to find a way to clear that out or wait for another day.

    Sorry to be gross, but it works. Since we may end up doing anal everytime we have sex, this is part of my routine. OK, now the world knows. You'll hear about girls using Fleet enemas (anal douches), but his is not the way to go, IMO. If that is what you decide, replace the contents with water and get it all done 3-5 hours before sex (otherwise things can get runny). I'm telling you...the finger is easier.

    Now unlike Sarah, I definitely think taking the time to stretch and relax the sphincter muscles is well worth the time. IMO, this is half the fun of anal. Let him explore. One finger, two fingers, and yes, three fingers. A tapered plug is great. A vibrator is better. My own fingers are best. I believe that the vast majority of women you have tried anal but never want to do it again pobably went about it the wrong way - they rushed into it (just my own suspicion). The difference between pain and having little or no discomfort during anal is how relaxed the muscles are. By the way, two glasses of wine goes a long way when you are new to this.

    I've said it before, anal isn't just for the guy's pleasure. It's something that I personally enjoy, because the intensity of the experience (and a vibe on the clit) makes for the most intense orgasms (by far for me).
     
  5. Ladysierra

    Ladysierra New Member

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    When I first decided to do anal with my guy, I practiced with my toys ahead of time to make sure I would like it. I loved it Hahaha.

    That first time, I didn't even tell him I was considering it. After my first orgasm (usually a must for me to really get into anal) I grabbed some lube and put a generous amount on him before rolling over onto my stomach and told him flat out I wanted him to fuck my ass :) That got him really wild.

    Now ever since, he knows when I grab that lube that I want anal and you can feel him get harder with excitement LOL. And once he gets in there and I have my toy rubbing against my clit it's a party for both of us. That's kind of a special treat for the two of us, not something we do every time.

    I also do the finger checking, usually right before bed in the bathroom. If there is any debris it's usually pretty easy to push out. If not than I wait for another night like said above :)
     
  6. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

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    EL, No one has said much more than be clean.
    So I will say it. From my swinging days my wife always took her
    enema bag along when going to a swinging party and she would use it
    along with a brief shower when the party was just getting started
    just in case She got into a situation where she had to do anal (She never
    did get in that situation) But She just felt more comfortable being prepared.

    And how to say you want him to do it, Well that should be easy.
    the next you are in a sexual situation with Him just get on your elbows and knees
    hand Him the lube and say Do It I think He would
    get the idea.

    Hiker
     
  7. sarah_rslp

    sarah_rslp New Member

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    Looking back on the last few posts, I have to ask the original poster does she really think turning your sex life into some sort of sordid porn video is the way to go. Do you want to carry around douche bags, give yourself enemas and get on your hands on knees for your SO and ask to be fucked in the arse?.

    If not I'd take a lot of the advice given in here especially from males with a lot of context. If you want to do something for you SO, go for it, from what you said he sounds like a decent guy who asked in a mature way for you to do something for him. But letting him take you anally doesn't mean having to surrender your dignity or demean yourself.

    Anyway I sense this thread going the same way as the other threads on anal in the not too distant future
     
  8. Bluesy

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    First off, I'd just like to say that stories like yours make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside :tup What a great guy you've got for respecting your boundaries and not pressuring you to engage in something you didn't feel comfortable doing at the time. And *kudos* to you for making this decision in your own time, based on your own personal comfort level.

    What you need to know is that anal sex is a high risk sexual activity, meaning serious damage can occur if certain precautions aren't adhered to. Most people can't nosedive into anal sex, they need to spend some time gently dilating their sphincter muscles before they're able to comfortably accept a penis. There are plenty of small, or "beginner's" anal toys on the market, or you can have him lube up a finger and slowly insert it, then simply leave it there while the sphincters relax around it (working your way up to two or more fingers during different sessions). A sex therapist by the name of Jack Morin even suggests inserting your finger into your anus daily to practice relaxing the internal sphincter (which is programmed to automatically tighten if a foreign body tries to penetrate the anus). It's vital that your sphincter muscles are 100% relaxed...there shouldn't be any resistance, and if there is, you should NEVER try to force anything into the anus. You can permanently damage your sphincters this way, and one incident is all it takes.

    Most people need to gradually work their way up to a penis-sized object, and it can even take (very rarely) years to get to that point. Don't hold yourself to a schedule and you'll be fine.

    Something else to keep in mind is how very fragile rectal tissue is in contrast to vaginal tissue. You want to avoid tearing (the rectum being replete with bacteria, it's easy for infection to occur, and if that happens surgery is often the only way to repair the damage). Use plenty of lube, use a high-quality lube that isn't going to dry up on you, and consider using one that's thicker than normal. I use California Exotic's Original Anal Lube and I love it; it stays nice and slick and is non-sticky. Not to mention, it's pretty cheap compared to some of the other quality lubes around. NEVER use something like Anal-Eze that contains a desensitizing ingredient. You want to know if there's any pain at all, you need to know so you can stop immediately before causing harm to the sphincters or rectum. And that's another caveat: NO pain is acceptable pain when it comes to anal penetration. If there is even the slightest hint, stop what you're doing and wait another day to try again.

    You can read a bit more about anal sex here: http://www.talksexwithsue.com/analsex.html

    Be safe, be gentle, and have fun! Let us know how everything goes :)
     
  9. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    I knew...

    ...I was doing something wrong.











    :dgrin
     
  10. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    Atta girl!!!

    Love your attitude! Anal sex is nasty in an intensely erotic way and being that aware of what you're doing and having a matter of fact attitude of what it takes to prepare for YOUR pleasure and YOUR enjoyment makes me want to build a statue in your honor for being so frank about it.

    :bow
     
  11. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    Anal can be tricky if you don't do things right...

    If your b/f does have experience, then he will know to go slow with you at first... and the most important thing is getting himself inside you.

    It was always tricky getting into my g/f ass, even when she was all lubed up.

    Then one day we where giving each other oil massages, and we started to rub it all over our bodies. She climbed on top of me and rode me for awhile.. I slipped my finger in her ass and played with it for awhile.

    Then I asked if we could do anal and she said ok... she got on her hands and knees, and I slipped in REALLY easy. She actually gasped and couldn't believe I slipped in so easily (neither could I).

    I think this would be your best bet... don't tell him what you are doing or he will probably rush things.

    Get massage oil that doesn't break down the condom (which means baby oil is out).

    Just start rubbing it all over your body, then his (rub alot over his dick). Then while you are having sex finger your ass to get it ready. When you feel it is time, tell him you want him to "fuck your ass" or whatever you feel will turn him on.

    Since he has done anal before, he should be able to take things from there.
     
  12. sarah_rslp

    sarah_rslp New Member

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    I think this thread is going the same way as all the other threads on anal sex.

    I don't consider anal sex as normal. It's such a male obsession that ferments itself in watching too much fucking porn. It really kills me to have to read, all these guys spouting nonsense about how erotic it is and then with a huge amount of cheek start reccomending way of dilating your sphincter, giving yourself enemas, getting on your hands and knees and asking to be fucked up the arse. (I don't mean you bluesy, god knows nobody can accuse you of being casual about the subject)

    Seriously do you really think that's the type of advice to be giving to a woman that's posted a genuine question. Maybe you spend all your time sodomising strangers in empty car parks, but it's a pretty niche lifestyle choice.

    So electric girl if you want to have anal sex, follow some of the links Bluesy gave, sort yourself out and do it. Ignore all the guys that are writing posts that read like letters to the editors of porn mags.
     
  13. Barbwire

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    Sarah, it's clear you don't like anal, we get it, but must you make it sound like such a negative thing? It's not rape for crying out loud. It's not demeaning or disgusting. Clearly, you think it is, but that's just your opinion.

    I mean, really, if you don't like it, don't do it, but don't discourage others from trying it and from learning ways to make the first time easier.
     
  14. heelfetish

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    Ditto.
     
  15. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    For the record...

    ...I have never sodomized anyone, strange or otherwise, in a parking lot.


    Except for this one time when I had just got my portable enema and douching station which I got from a dirty magazine, Azz Phuck Mania, for collecting 275,000 front covers, plus postage. I just HAD to try it out. So, I looked on line for W4M on craigslist under 'Ass banging whore' in casual encounters. Well, she shows up and I forgot the damn water.

    So, we're dumping beer in this thing and it starts bubbling all over the place. We get her hooked up and turn the thing on (solar powered), a cloud shows up right in the middle of the rinse cycles and by this time we're both convinced that this just isn't going to work. So, we pack all this crap up and head off to a bar and once we parked, she's like beer water farting every step of the way which was starting to make people stare. We ended up drinking too much, got thrown in the clink, our spouses showed up and we've never lived it down. The good part is we both swore of anal sex forever.

    Moral of the story; I'm still working on that part.

    :D
     
  16. Barbwire

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    LP, are you off your meds again? :eek
     
  17. Fliteskates

    Fliteskates Member

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    People where having anal sex long before porn or television was ever around. If you knew anything about the sexual habits of the Spartans and ancient Greeks, I doubt you would of made that statement. They didn't get their ideas from "Planet of the Gapes"

    There are also tons of women out there who enjoy anal sex. In fact, I know alot of women who love it and they told me many of their female friends do as well.

    These women don't have to "lie" to me about it because we are just friends.

    Oddly enough, I know alot of guys who hate it.

    It is a personal preference.

    Should we all call you a size queen because you said penis size is important to you?

    The funny thing is the original poster decided she wanted to do it, and asked our advice of how to go about it.

    She didn't ask if she should do it or not.

    Then you go off on the men for trying to give her the advice she asked for.

    Here is her question in case you missed it

     
  18. LPjammin

    LPjammin New Member

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    Well...


    ...now that you mention it...


    :lol
     
  19. Amateur Nudist

    Amateur Nudist New Member

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    If it was me I'd love nothing more than to have my wife with her ass in the air waiting for doggy style but when it came time for me to slide it in have her say "I want it in my ass". Not the most romantic but it would definitely turn me on. ;)
     
  20. Bluesy

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    Yeah, but....are you going to also build a statue in honor of the woman (or man) who is true to herself and says "no" to anal sex because it would be a violation of her personal boundaries to do otherwise? She (or he) is just as, if not more, deserving of accolades ya know.

    And if you don't want to, I'll build the fucking statue :p I'll make it out of solid gold...and it'll be ten times higher than yours, so *nyerhe*