My boyfriend doesn't cum!

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by ViviWannabe, Dec 5, 2003.

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  1. ViviWannabe

    ViviWannabe New Member

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    My boyfriend and I have fantastic sex. I usually cum 8-10 times each time, and I can tell he's enjoying it, but he never climaxes! I ask him if he has and he says "I don't know." That usually means no. Am I doing something wrong?

    When we met, he was a virgin and I was not. I have been trying to educate him, but I really don't know a whole lot myself, I mean I know enough, but I wonder if maybe he just has way too much stamina for me of if I'm doing something wrong.

    Any pointers on how to help it along?
  2. Just Curious

    Just Curious New Member

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    I know his pain, firsthand.

    When my girlfriend and myself first got together she had previously been sexually active with another guy and had experience. I was a virgin. I could not cum during intercourse, or with her mouth or hand's help. Even when we first did it and I experienced sex for the first time I didn't even come near a climax. But i found the problem after about a month. I have masturbated daily for about 10 years now, and when we were first going out i masturbated 3 times a day as she got me so hard by just being with her, she is so beautiful to me. But, even tho she got me so worked up, i could not get stimulated during sex. How did i fix it? I stopped masturbating. I just decided to stop one day and not start again untill i could cum during sex. It took 4 days. We had sex the night i quit masturbating and i didn't cum, and i fought the urge to masturbate after sex and wait. 3 days later we did it again and I blew after about 30 seconds, it felt soooooooooo good after waiting. I would ask your partner if this may be his problem, if not, something else might be holding him back. I learned about how to cure my disorder by doing a search on the web for delayed ejaculation. just my experience.

    Edit: One other thing i learned is that you have to be patient during sex, start real slow. Find his favorite position and let him set the pace, i like doing it doggeystyle as i love looking at my partner's rearend. I found that if she lets me do what i want it a lot easier to get off, but i take care of her first.

  3. ViviWannabe

    ViviWannabe New Member

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    I don't think that's the problem. Neither of us has felt the need to masturbate since our first time together. I think he's just too tense and worried about pleasing me. Could that have something to do with it?

    P.S. That's certainly not something he needs to worry about. He's the best sex I've ever had.
  4. Just Curious

    Just Curious New Member

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    It very well could be, i have found that it's very hard to acheive the right emotional state sometimes, and when i first started being sexually active it was kinda hard to get there for a while. I was worried about my performance, and pleasing my partner. But after a while I started feeling really comfortable with her and it's nothing at all to have sex now, i love it and her very much. How long have you been going out? If a while, has he always been this way since you've been together?
  5. ViviWannabe

    ViviWannabe New Member

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    We haven't been goingout very long. We started going out at the beginning of November, and we started having sex about 3-4 weeks ago, which is why I think it's just nerves. So will it get better with time or is there anything I can do to lessen the nerves? He always gives me multiple orgasms, I'd like to give him at least one!
  6. Just Curious

    Just Curious New Member

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    I would probably just give it time. As for being relaxed, just be open and feel comfortable with each other. It takes time, i felt kinda embarassed with my current girlfriend when we started going out and it took a while before i was comfortable being naked with her. I found that it really helps out when we're doing it if she says things like, "oh that feels good" or things like that. I have also found that my girlfriend can only have several orgasms in one position, so switching it around helps, as i can only really climax in two positions myself. He is probably just not used to being with someone and having sex as you said that he is a virgin and it took a while before i could climax every time I had sex back then too. Just be sensative with him and don't giggle when he does something wrong, just keep him focused on how good it feels and be comfortable with each other and he will get there.
  7. wholetmydawgout

    wholetmydawgout New Member

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    Totally agree with Just Curious - furthermore, I think that there should be times when you have sex just so that he completely enjoys it. Let him know as to how much you enjoying cumming and how you'd like to see him cum and let him know that this time you wanted to please him - this way, perhaps, he calms down a bit because there wouldn't be any pressure for him to perform - he's just enjoying. And trust me, if you orgasm as much as you say you do, chances are you're gonna cum a couple of times as well.
    Also, maybe try masturbating in front of each other - I mean, if he can't cum while masturbating in front of his lover who is masturbating (*drools*) then maybe he should drop by the doc for a quick visit. This way, again, he wouldn't have to worry about performing and can see you enjoy and that should turn him on a lot. Once he cums, then hopefully he'll feel a lot more comfortable about cumming in bed with you.
    Don't worry - he can't hold it in forever!
    Keep us updated.
    PS: We should title this thread "In search of the male cum" :)
  8. Mongolguy

    Mongolguy New Member

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    Ask him if he's taking any anti-depressant type drugs (zoloft, paxil, wellbutrin) Because that's one of the side effects. You can get it up, but you can't get off. And it can be DAMN frustrating! :mad
  9. ViviWannabe

    ViviWannabe New Member

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    :eek That must be it! He's on Paxil! Damn, that's not fair... I want to please him for once...
  10. LordLOC

    LordLOC New Member

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    I'm having some problems cumming myself, and it's frustrating to say the least.

    While my girlfriend is giving me head, I'll start to get soft, then get hard again. But I just can't cum, she'll do it for 2 hours and I won't cum. Also, after a period of time doing it, it feels like my bladder is about to explode.

    I'm rather frustrated about it, I may go see a doctor about it if it continues.

    P.S. I stay hard when I masturbate myself, and can cum no problem. Though I notice when I lay on a bed, I'll get soft then hard etc. Eh.
  11. Shellen77

    Shellen77 New Member

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    I'm betting it's the paxil. I swear that drug will do that to most people who take it. My ex was like that & he finally went to the doctor about it. He just had to cut the dosage in half & then there wasn't a problem. It's weird how that drug will cause men not to ejactulate...of all the side effects, why that one?
  12. Billman

    Billman New Member

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    I don't think think it's just the drugs, and that tension could be a problem also. Reassure him. Tell him you love him and that you need him to cum. He may not like it when you talk dirty, but it may be just what he needs. Beg him to cum for you. It'll work wonders.
  13. tina

    tina New Member

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    Hi, I am having a similiar problem with the guy I'm seeing... We started seeing each other mid Nov. and he is GREAT in bed but he just doesn't come. I am 32 yrs. and have my share of experience - he is 33 yrs. and has told me he really hasn't had many girlfriends and those he has had were pretty long term. I don't really consider that the problem because I have been with other guys that have found me sexually intimidating and they have been able to ejaculate. This is the first time I have found myself in this situation (where a guy I'm with doesn't ejaculate). I don't think he is on any medication so I have ruled that out, he does however smoke (wink,wink) and I sort of rule that out too because he's not the first guy I'm with that smokes out. I can go down on him for 45 minutes and NOTHING!!! and I know he's enjoying it and hard as a rock but nothing. Is it me??? I am kinda frustrated and don't know how to approach it especially since the relationhisp is kinda new. Any advise???
  14. tina

    tina New Member

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    Not sure if anyone cares but I thought I would just update that he finally did it!!!!! Yipee!!!! He came last night (in my mouth no less) but he finally did... I feel so much better now!!! And this morning too!!!

    I think maybe he feels more comfortable with me now and I took all the advice I read here and in other sites by reassuring him that I thought he was great and making him feel comfy with me etc... We had a great night of great sex - all the things I heard about brazilian men being great in bed are true!!!! :D
  15. skiboy

    skiboy New Member

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    Oi, this is a problem I know way too much about. I just turned 30, have been sexually active for 15 years, and have still NEVER been able to come with a woman. Yes you heard it right, 30 and I've never come with a partner. Sickeningly depressing, isn't it? I have no problem coming while masturbating, but it just wont happen with a partner. I have had numerous partners and 2 serious relationships in my life and it's always the same story, erection but no ejaculation. Even my live-in ex-girlfriend of 3 years, who I loved deeply, couldn't get me off, and although she never said so, I believe it was my condition that caused the relationship to end. Hell, the same thing happens in my sexual dreams too. Needless to say, this has been a source of incredible frustration and depression in my life, and it has discouraged me from seeking a new relationship. I don't think it is a medical condition (I've never taken antidepressants although this problem has me deeply depressed), it seems to be a psychological condition. It really hit home when I turned 30, all I could do was dwell on the fact that I was already 30 and have never been able to come with a partner. I am about to give up on love forever because I don't think anyone will accept this problem and it's always in the back of my head when I meet a woman. I'm sorry, I wish I could be more helpful, but nothing I've done has helped me in 15 years. I would however like to reassure any women who are with a man with this problem that it is almost definitely not the fault of the woman, the problem is usually in the guy's head, so don't beat yourself up thinking that you're doing something wrong. Nobody is to "blame" for this condition.
  16. ditchey

    ditchey New Member

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    thats really difficult guy.

    were you completely comfortable with these women?
    have you thought about exploring a different type of partner?
    have you thought about changing the context of your sexual encounters?


    these suggestions are intentionally vague.


    r.
  17. wholetmydawgout

    wholetmydawgout New Member

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    Skiboy, I think you should definitely see a sex therapist. It will hopefully get you to cum during sex and will boost your self confidence in life. Just go for it.
  18. upilogue

    upilogue New Member

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    How about (man) orgasm without ejaculation, i.e., tao sex? Will that be affected by drugs like Paxil too? The core of the thinking is that orgasm and ejaculation are two separate things, but they're so very close together that men and women have associated the two as one and the same thing. With training, it is said that a man can reach orgasm without ejaculation (and stay hard). I think I experienced this tonight, albeit still at the lower scale.

    Does everyone agree that porn has changed the modern sex life so much, for better or for worse? I mean, we now want to cum so much, and stay hard so long, and use all kinds of penis enlargement and virility pills worth $$$. Men want women to get creamed on their face. I still like a good porn for occasional escapes, but learning about Tao sex has been educational (sugg. reading - the multi-orgasmic couple, etc.). Oh well, I'm getting off topics.
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2004
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