My BF doesnt like Oral sex OR his penis being touched very much

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Biscuit, Sep 24, 2010.

  1. Biscuit

    Biscuit New Member

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    Hey all! please help
    I am worried about my new relationship, this guy has been single AND celebate for 4 yrs and we have been together for about 6 weeks now and have been having sex, its not my usual porn star/naughty, throw around the bedroom sex, its very intense and more like love making which is great I have no complaints. He is getting back into the swing of things which I understand its been a long time for him since he's been sexually active (not through looks as he is very good looking!) So I know that in time we will experement with each other more but whilst trying to do this, he told me I am not to even try to give him a BJ as he hates it so much and that he's not overly keen on me touching his penis!! Whilst I have tried to accept and respect this, it makes foreplay a little dull. He also told me that he's now suffering from performance anxiety and the last time we attempted sex, he failed to keep his erection and so he explained that he'd been worried for some time that he wasnt good enough in the bedroom department for me.. Even though I make him feel at ease and I dont pressure him, he says its 100% not me.. and that he'd been saving himself for so many years for the right person and that I was her.. (He's in his 30's by the way! Im 29) But I cant help wondering if im holding him back from meeting someone he will look forward to and want to have lots of sex with? :(
     
  2. heelfetish

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    I'm so sorry to hear of your predicament, and honestly, I have no earthly idea why he would be so against you pleasuring him that way. He obviously has some sort of hang-up about it, only he knows why. I'm guessing a bad previous experience, but hopefully he'll open up to you and let you know what's really going on.
     
  3. Biscuit

    Biscuit New Member

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    hey thanks for your reply, I have asked him if he has had a bad experience but he says no, some guys really just dont like it I guess but now I have a new worry, with his performance anxiety! just wonder if its something deeper, maybe he's asexual and doesnt realise? eeeek!
     
  4. heelfetish

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    I guess at this point you have to ask yourself if the other aspects of sex are good enough to keep dating this guy, or if this hang-up is too much for you to handle. It's unfair to expect him to change, or to pressure him into things he truly doesn't like (not that you would do that). So assuming this situation is not going to change, can you live with that in a partner?
     
  5. Biscuit

    Biscuit New Member

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    Yeah I like him enough to deal with it and not try to change him, he has said to me that I just need to be patient with him, I enjoy giving oral sex so its a shame and I love to touch down there so its difficult for me to hold back! but I am willing to restrain myself as long as he over comes his problem with anxiety, I cant cope with that forever so what can I do to help him?
     
  6. Beach

    Beach New Member

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    this may sound crazy, but have you actually seen his penis ? first thought as I read this was wondering about a std like hpv or something.
    I'm sure that's not it but.....

    Hope you guys work it out !
     
  7. Meee

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    Here are some questions that I think will help me see what's going on:

    List some of the things you do together out of the bedroom.

    What do you do for birth control and safe sex?

    Actually, I had some more, but I forgot them. So start with those.


     
  8. diesel722

    diesel722 New Member

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    First thought when a guy doesn't like receiving blow jobs is does he have a fear of reciprocating? Perhaps he is inexperienced in returning oral satisfaction so he feels bad receiving it?
     
  9. FlirtyChick

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    Hmmmmm. I have never met a man who did not like blow jobs or having his penis touched. I know that you say you can deal with this, but you are very young, and have a whole life ahead of you that should be filled with fulfilling sex. Consider long and hard whether you want to deal with this.

    Something is going on here.....please talk with him and find out why he feels the way he does. The performance anxiety should be sporadic and then go away once you two are totally comfy naked. I just dont see that this is a good situation going forward.

    Good luck, and please continue to post updates.
     
  10. igor

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    I just can't imagine not being touched there. What is he thinking?
     
  11. Lucky

    Lucky New Member

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    I never knew a man that did not like a blow job or being touched on his dick, strange dude, he must have some real issues. I would think long and hard about maintaining a relationship with him, you are obviously frustrated and that is not a good foundation for a relationship.
     
  12. Michellesoldman

    Michellesoldman New Member

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    I'm not going to offer my thoughts because all I'm seeing are negatives. I'm sorry.

    Please don't take it as I'm being rude. That's not it. I just worry that there might be WAY more to this than he's letting on.
     
  13. FlirtyChick

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    I am interested in your thoughts, as others may be. Please relent and clue us in, darlin'.....
     
  14. Michellesoldman

    Michellesoldman New Member

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    *sigh* Ok......well, I have a hard time believing that he has a hang-up about someone touching his dick. I also have a hard time with what he said about being celibate for 4 yrs. I'm more apt to believe that he's been celibate than I am to believe that he doesn't want a BJ or any touching at all.

    I'm worried that:

    1. He might have just been with another women and you might smell her on his dick if you gave him a BJ.
    2. He doesn't want you to touch his dick or give him a BJ because of a weird deformity.
    3. Maybe he's so stand-off-ish about it because he has herpes (which is WAY more common than most think).
    4. He's having difficulty maintaining an erection because he was just with someone else a few hours ago.

    See.....all hurtful negatives. I HOPE that I'm not right with any of them!

    The situation really lends itself to the possibility that he's seeing someone other than you. And as far as performance anxiety being the cause for him losing an erection--after 4 yrs of celibacy!!!!!!!??????? Is he kidding? After four yrs of celibacy, I'd be so rock-hard and ready my only anxiety would be to not cum all over the place before I even entered you......

    As I said hun, I really hope I'm wrong. And I certainly hope that my feelings about this don't hurt your relationship in the event that I'm wrong.
     
  15. FlirtyChick

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    M's Oldman, well said. These are all possibilities that the OP should consider, if she comes back to explore what we have been discussing.
     
  16. Biscuit

    Biscuit New Member

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    Hi all, thanks for your messages! I have just read them all. He's not cheating on me nor does he have an sti and we use protection and yes I have seen and touched his penis, obvioulsy, as we are having sex. He's just not that keen on me touching it when he's not hard so I find foreplay difficult. Ive spoken to other guys about the blow job thing and some have said he knows a guy that doesnt like it and another guy who isnt keen on it unless he's fresh out of the shower ;-)

    Anyway, after this weekend you wouldnt have thought there was ever any issues with his anxiety or the touching thing, we had sex numerous times and no he did not take any viagra :) still no blow job but as always, great sex with more touching! yey!
     
  17. Biscuit

    Biscuit New Member

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    We haven't really discussed that yet altho we have brushed past the subject, he has not said he has any issues giving oral:eyes
     
  18. Biscuit

    Biscuit New Member

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    Heya, we have spoke about this together and all he can think of is that he is out of practice and shy, he likes me very much and just wants to please me so he puts pressure on himself and plus, his last relationship was a bit messed up, he felt very trapped and avoided having sex with her so i think some of that has stayed with him in his subconcious, weird how the brain works but im helping him to re-train it :phat
     
  19. Michellesoldman

    Michellesoldman New Member

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    Well I'm relieved to see I was wrong.:)
     
  20. htoad

    htoad Active Member

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    What you said here is what really matters.

    Do not pressure him, but be patient. Always make it known that when he is ready to try you will be more than willing. Compliment him on the sexuality he has always displayed to you. It takes time and encouragement.

    Keep in mind that the men on forums like these tend to be very interested in sex, and to many of us the thought of not getting a blow job from ones willing partner seems insane. However, in real life there are plenty of men who, for various reasons, are anxious about their sexuality. They all are not "weird", or "or strange" or "hiding something" - they are just human, and with human insecurities in that area.

    So you take a guy like that, who meets a very willing sexual woman, and the first instinct is not to go wild - it may be to worry "how am I going to keep up with this?" I know that is how I have felt about my wife at times.

    So continue to be patient, and encourage. The short term view may seem difficult, but the long term benefit can make it well worth it.