Moving on at Different Speeds

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by thelonelyvirgin, Jun 13, 2014.

  1. thelonelyvirgin

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    My girlfriend of three years recently broke up with me; it was about six weeks ago. I recently found out that she is already making out and talking to another guy as if she's gearing up for another relationship very soon.

    Thinking about this makes me feel almost sick. I get that feeling of your stomach bottoming out, and I think some anxiety comes with it too. I still love her. Trying to place myself in her shoes I don't think I could even make out with a new girl let alone setting in motion the wheels of another relationship.

    But on the other hand, I know it is upsetting because I have no one; there is no girl to make out with. It seems so hopeless. The girl I love isn't moving on, no she's sprinting away with a new man, and here I am alone with no prospects even on the far horizon.

    This was my first serious relationship, so I don't even know how to deal with the post-breakup fallout, but it seems like the fallout in this case is particularly heavy.

    How do you deal with knowing someone you love is already with someone new?
    How do I deal with the loneliness until I go back to college which is my first real, if only theoretical, chance of getting back on the horse, so to speak.
     
  2. lbushwalker

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    First cut is always the deepest, period!
    Been there and done moping; get back on another horse and go quick gallop but refrain from doing onto others as was done onto you.
    Next time take a bit of don't give a fuck attitude which tends to keep em' attentive and above all do not show any hint of jealousy which again keep em' off balance ;)
     
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  3. 10_3XL

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    I just went through a fairly similar situation myself. Not quite as serious as it sounds your relationship was, but it was one of my few long-term and committed relationships - as well as my first fully sexual relationship. My relationship also ended for vastly different reasons, but I can at the very least sympathize if not empathize...

    There is a lot of "emotional baggage" and recovery that goes along with a breakup of that magnitude. It does seem like the end of the world, but know that it is not. There may be nobody right now, but there will be someone in the future. That depends largely on how actively you are looking, what you are looking for, and how soon you are ready to move on. Don't rush yourself - maybe take some personal time to get perspective on the situation and yourself then saddle up again.

    As I was told again and again when I posted on here not that long ago about my breakup, remember that everyone's recovery time from something like this is different. Take your time and let it happen; don't force yourself into anything, as you can end up seriously regretting it later. Play the field a bit if that's your style, or hold back and wait for that next Special Someone, or take a temporary vow of celibacy/no romance... However you choose to handle it, that is up to you - do what is best for YOU!!! All we can do here is give our personal takes on the situation - ultimately it is in your hands and your heart how to deal with your loss and what actions you take to remedy the ailment.

    Wish you all the best with this, brother. As I said above, I can relate. I'm evidence that there will be someone new as soon as you are ready. I bounced back and moved on fairly quickly - that may not be the case for you but that is perfectly acceptable and appropriate. Can't stress enough that this is your decision, your life, your actions to take, and that it is crucial you do what is in your best interests!
     
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  4. lbushwalker

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    Well said 10_3xl.
    Dude needs his space and time to toughen up emotionally but IMHO the quicker he jumps another nag after getting tossed off, the quicker his recovery.
     
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  5. 10_3XL

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    Yeah, I knocked a few casual hook-ups out (gee, that sounded bad) and then found myself in another "serious" relationship. All within the span of about 2 months. Shows what confidence, optimism, and putting yourself out there can do.
     
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  6. thelonelyvirgin

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    I recognize the importance of getting back on, but even thinking about going back to the stables fills me with a lot of anxiety by itself. I haven't had to play that game in about four years, and I've never been good at it anyway. It is what I've got to do though.
     
  7. thelonelyvirgin

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    You know I've heard of these words "confidence" and "optimism" before, but I'm not sure I know what they are haha.
     
  8. 10_3XL

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    I was the same way. Believe it or not - outside of the forums I am a pretty socially awkward/inept wreck. LOTS of social anxieties and such. I survived. I made it. "Fake it 'til you make it" actually works amazingly well. If you can convince people you're optimistic and confident then they believe it - before too long a crazy transformation and sort of osmosis will happen and you won't be faking it any more; it will be part of who you are! I know that sounds like bullshit and lots of what I said came off pretty cheesy and cliche, but it's the truth. I have confidence in you, man and am optimistic that you'll be back up and riding before you know it. :)
     
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  9. thelonelyvirgin

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    I join you in the socially awkward/inept wreck boat. "Fake it 'til you make it" is actually some sound advice. I will definitely try to instill that into my mindset. Thank you for the confidence and optimism sent my way
     
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  10. BlueCollar

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    If fake it til you make it doesn't work for you, just try the care less method. As in its cool I'm fine moving on no worries. I did after my first wife and I split up and within about 2 weeks slept with 3 different women. Lol. It's just a mindset. I was crushed for awhile and then a good friend sat me down and said look you're a great guy you're hot funny and very easy to talk to so go on with life.
    That good friend turned out to be my current wife. :)
    Best of luck
     
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  11. CaramelLady

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    Wise advice from the gentlemen here.
     
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  12. thelonelyvirgin

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    Oh to be hot and easy to talk to...
     
  13. lbushwalker

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    TLV, it might seem contradictory in a way I believe that girl did you a favour by leaving the way she did.
    Perhaps like me with my first love, because of you pure naivety you virally worshiped the ground she walked upon.
    That is heady stuff for a girls as she has untold power over you but soon she tires of that and seeks more adventurous liaisons meanwhile keeping yours puppet on a string.
    Now that it is over you are in the doldrums, self pity prevails...........woe is me, there is no other "You" in the world left for poor innocent me :(
    Ok, before slashing your wrists time for some difficult and truthful self assessments!
    Ask yourself what it is that hurts most;
    Is it really your undying love, which we easily fool ourselves to be?
    Or
    Being very candid, is it not more the feeling of "loss", the total abandonment of her supporting of the way you perceive yourself.
    Not good enough for another, lowish self esteem, lack of self confidence, marginalisation............I bet it is as it was also for me once I allowed for realisation of the reality.
    Now you are on your own it is entirely up to you to do something about all this negativity.
    Either you bury yourself further in self pity or get real and face the world bravely and bit by bit begin the process of self transformation.
    It won't be easy but really there is no choice in the matter; stop avoiding confronting situations and use all your resources to cope but above all avoid easy escapes as that teaches you naught.
    Dude I am living proof that this is all possible and if anything I may have, hum........*humble*, overcorrected ;)
    Good luck!
     
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  14. 10_3XL

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    How "hot" you are is totally irrelevant. I'm a goofy lookin' sonuvabitch and until you start to know me a bit I'm not "easy to talk to." It's like we keep telling you - confidence and optimism are key.

    I also agree with Bushwalker's little dose of tough love.
     
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  15. BlueCollar

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    It's a state of mind. If you're relaxed confident and care free it's more attractive. She said I was hot because she had a crush on me. And my clueless ass never picked up on it until a year later.
     
  16. Alwayslearningsex

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    better be done now than when you would have been farther into the relationship, like married for example.

    get well. don't rush finding someone if you're still hurting, bad idea.
     
  17. backcheck64

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    Face it, she checked out of the relationship long before she said the words. I wouldn't be surprised if she was having contact with other guys before she said those words. I know in relationships before I found my wife, I was always looking and sending "feelers" out to any attractive female I could. For it to be "right", it has to be right with both of you.... apparently it wasn't for her. Sorry.