Moving in together

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Shellen77, Jun 4, 2006.

  1. Shellen77

    Shellen77 New Member

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    I'm curious of everyone's thoughts of moving in with your mate before marriage. Any personal experiences?

    For myself, Tim & I are moving in together in July. My lease is up at the end of the July & we've decided that it would be easier to move through out the month instead of a couple of days.

    It's a huge step for us. It will soon be a year together & I can see us being together for the long haul. I think that living together will make us face the reality of what it's like for the future. If we can't live together, than in reality....we can't be together. We do great now...we spend 5 evenings a week together & 3 overnights. On the weekends, he's working but we spend those evenings together. We have set nights apart & it works great for us, but I don't think it's necessary.

    We have yet to have a fight. We have had calm discussions about things that might have upset each other but never a screaming fight. I'm sure we'll have one eventually but we're good about talking things out before it gets to that point.

    Our families are ok with the ideas of us moving in together. Tim & I had lived with our previous bf/gf in the past. We know the things that we need to work on & the things that we do good. We're hoping that we can succeed at this adventure & keep moving on towards the next.
    So.....I'm stoked about moving! I won't be in this apartment anymore & we will finally have a place to call "ours" instead of "mine".
     
  2. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Michelle, that's great news. You both are mature, self-sufficient individuals taking the next serious step. Sounds like you two have spent some good time discussing the pros and cons, and of course you both have some experience under your belts.
    Best wishes for your future! :tup

    :rose
     
  3. Thorn

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    Hey that's great Michelle! :tup From what you have posted about the relationship over the past few months I have a pretty good feeling about this move. Best of luck to you both. :toast

    I didn't realize how much Tim actually brought into the relationship until I saw that photo you posted of him in his #8 Dale Jr. boxers. What a guy! :woohoo
     
  4. Joe

    Joe
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    Congratulations!

    I'd be very hesitant to get married without first living with my chosen partner. I've only had two partners who moved in with me before marriage.

    The first partner I married after about 10 months. We were together 3.5 years total before she unexpectedly died. She originally came with the understanding that she'd stay for a month and see how it went. We never did have a heated arguement, never a cross word spoken between us. It was a wonderful time for both of us, before and after the wedding.

    My current wife and I "lived in sin" for three years before we married four years ago. I really didn't know her too well before she moved in, but she left her husband and called me to ask if she could stay with me for awhile. I was surprised but welcomed her. The relationship was a little rocky at the start. There were times I thought she was completely mad, and I think she felt the same about me. Verbal fights tapered off from monthly to every 6 months to yearly. I don't think we've had one of those since we were married 4 years ago -- probably because we know and understand each other better now. I'm glad we got past that stage before we were actually married. Being single gave us each a simple choice of keeping the relationship going or just walking away, no strings attached.

    By the time we were finally married, we knew each other pretty well, knew it was what we both wanted, and both felt confident that it would last. Probably most couples feel that way on their wedding day, but many are wrong. Why? Because living with someone is a lot different than dating. If you want to know what it would be like to live with your partner, there's really only one way to find out. Live with him/her for a year or two. At least by then there won't be many big surprises.

    Good luck, Michelle!
     
  5. Shellen77

    Shellen77 New Member

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    Thanks guys for your imput!

    Yesterday we looked at a modest townhome that we found online. It's a little small but I think it will be good for both of us. The rent is cheap ($545 + $25 for pets) & it's bigger than my apartment. The place has nice wood floors, new cabinets, new appliances (except for the fridge), has a full basement with lots of storage, washer/dryer hookups....but unfortunately it only has one bedroom. We were hoping to have a 2 bedroom to store all of our shit but since there is a basement, that will help a lot.
    The landlord was really cool & seemed to really liked us. The place is in a quiet neighborhood & is near 2 beautiful parks. The block that it is located in is primarily elderly & our neighbors are in their 70's. I really like that idea. We are not big partiers & we love our peace and quiet. The apartment style living is starting to get on my nerves....I'm so tired of loud music, vacuums running late at night & people running up the stairs.

    Anyway....we're meeting the landlord again tomorrow night to turn in our applications. Hopefully we'll find out if we get the place within the next couple of days!

    BTW....if you go to http://members.aol.com/drtownhouse/colfax.html you'll see the place. It's not THE ONE but it's almost identical to it.
    Thanks guys!
     
  6. Ryan

    Ryan Gold Member

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    Congrats on your relationship. :) If you feel you are ready to move in with him, you should do so.
     
  7. Shellen77

    Shellen77 New Member

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    You know, I thought I would have felt a little uncertain about moving in with him. It's not quite a year yet for us, but we're so damn good together. We practically live together now so I have no doubts that we'll do great living 24/7 with each other.

    I remember when my ex moved in with me. I didn't really have a say in the matter. I lived on my own (I was 21 at the time) & he decided that he was moving back home because he hated the college he was attending. He just naturally brought his stuff to my place since we had been together for 3 years already. That's when we found that we couldn't stand each other. He was a nitpicky muthafucka & didn't contribute shit. I was working 2 jobs to make ends meet while he worked 8 hours a WEEK and went to school. I started to hate him & I knew that if I couldn't stand "playing house", then there was no way I could marry him. I packed my shit & moved back home with my folks. It was the hardest thing I've done but no regrets.

    So...I've learned from the past & I know that I have to trust my heart. And right now, my heart is telling to jump head first.

    Well...wish us luck for tomorrow night. We're turning in the applications & hopefully we will get picked. I just don't see why they wouldn't want us *grins*
     
  8. Kisses

    Kisses New Member

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    Congrats! I am very happy for you. I don't have any personal experiences to tell you about as I am still trying to get Acid to think about us moving in together ;) But I think if you are both ready for that step, more power to you! Good luck.
     
  9. kbate

    kbate New Member

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    If you intend to keep the relationship - it is time to live together and find if you are compatible.

    Make sure you keep some boundary areas - each should have a room or a place to be their own, even if tiny.

    Make sure you discuss issues - toilet, dirty clothing, who does what and everything else that bothers you as you go along - keeping silent on issues that bother you leads to resentment and eventually problems.

    Congratulations and good luck.
     
  10. lbushwalker

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    Hi Michelle,
    Great news, this will be the true blue test for you guys.
    Personel experience; moved in with lover from similar basis as you but 31 years ago.
    We are still living in the same household but confess hardest part was initial sharing of the wardrobe.
    I'm tidy, she is random (messy) that has been our greatest ever bone of contension then and ever since!
    Rose said in another thread that you cannot ever, ever, but never ever change anyone and that is the darn truth of the matter.

    May you live together in harmony & happiness.
    :welcome
     
  11. Logger

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    Dear Michelle,

    Congratulations on finding a place. How is parking? Sometimes there is a shortage of extra parking, nearby. I feel extra parking is important, within reasonable walking distance.

    I am making a concerted effort to be a better roommate for my wife. I am not the best roommate, because I like to save too many things. I have some storage spaces, at other locations. I am trying to visualize a dance with my wife, as she has asked for more of my stuff to be out of more space in the house.

    I try to take the approach of finding ways to please my wife, and then work around what I have left to work with. So whenever my wife asks for something, related to the household, I try to always answer, "I am interested in pleasing you, let me see how I can work that out." Then try to work with it.

    Hope you have some smiles along the way.