movin on

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by badadan, Aug 16, 2008.

  1. badadan

    badadan New Member

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    i been with my lovely partner for 18 years, what can i say two kids, a great mother but she just does nothing for me anymore. I want to move on but feel trapped. she says all women go off sex at at some time in there live, that was 3 years ago and no change.
     
  2. sexyJ

    sexyJ New Member

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    I'm sorry!! I would say if your un happy don't stay because you have kids, It just makes it harder on them, and they see/feel the tension. And yes all women have there down periods of not wanting sex but 3 years is awhile... Has she talked with a doctor to maybe see if her hormone levels are were there supposed to be? Sometimes that can play a HUGE part in womens libido!
     
  3. loveit247

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    Ok, you want to leave your lovely partner because her sex drive has dipped? Have you actually had an indepth discussion with her about this? Have you told her how you feel?
    It is normal for a womans desire to drop with her hormone levels. My mother goes for hormone implants to assist with her sex drive. It has worked for her. Don't just throw a human being away over this!
     
  4. Barbwire

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    Can you please give us a little more information? Your post is a bit vague.

    If you still love her, then leaving her because she won't have sex with you sounds unwise. Maybe, instead of thinking about leaving, you should try to get to the root of why she's stopped wanting sex.

    She is wrong, though, some women, not ALL as your wife said, go through periods of having little to no libido. I went through myself for a few years. During that time, my husband and I did have sex, but very rarely.

    I basically had to reinvent myself and fight my way through some tough emotional battles, but I did it and I am sure my husband is glad he stuck with me through it.

    Don't give up on your wife until you try to work this thing out. Oh, and part of working out it may involve YOU changing quite a bit, too. I think a lot of the time women shut off sex with their SO's is because men have stopped making them feel wanted and loved, and take them for granted. JMHO.
     
  5. cook74

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    A good point CL, it is certainly something I have been working on.

    Although it has not helped so much as yet... It has not harmed things either and I would recommend every man take this approach first before they suggest hormone adjustment or going off the pill etc for the lady to increase her libido.

    I have to admit though that this is a damn hard problem to solve, and I have thought of running for the hills myself at times, it all depends on how much you love your partner and what you are willing to do/sacrifice to be with the people you love...
     
  6. Katprr

    Katprr New Member

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    As a parent etc... I can tell you that this sounds like a typical, normal thing that can happen at times in a marriage. Once you involve life's stressers, kids, etc.. Sex seems more like a chore. Which is should never be, have you attempted to try to change some things to help this. Stress plays a major role in peoples sex life. First off sex is ADULT PLAYTIME, most people get caught up in the routine of it "great another responsiblility" which it isnt.
    I am sure you have tried talking to her about it, how about one day, just joining her in the shower? or making her a nice warm bath, dealing with the kids tell they goto bed, and allowing her to have some alone time. A nice bath, candles, romantic song in the background, she is prolly seeing it as another job instead of the pleasure behind it.
    There also may be alot of other underlining factors playing here, since I dont know the whole story here they may be other things besides the everyday stress. Communication is key as you know to all relationships, now to play devil's advocate here, sounds like you are planning on leaving your wife due to sexual issue, please dont get me wrong but I am sure you didnt marry her etc just for sex. Have you tried professional counseling. How open is your line of communication between you to? Hopefully you are talking about the sexual issue outside the bedroom!
    What all have you tried? There are many different things you can do, just because a women doesnt have the urge to have sex doesnt mean she lost her libido, it all could be due to life stress. She may be to tired at the end of the day, she has forgotten that it is adult play etc...
    This is just my 2cents worth. I could take this soo much further but without knowing more I am stuck.
    Best wishes!!
     
  7. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Wise words, Katprr...very well said.

    BD
     
  8. Rocket Queen

    Rocket Queen New Member

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    Before you pull the pin, you need to exhaust all avenues via communication and counselling. Good Luck!
     
  9. Katprr

    Katprr New Member

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    Thank you Bassdude, I try!
     
  10. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    You're welcome, darlin'. ;)

    Badadan...I agree with a lot of the advice already. If everything else in the relationship is good...boy, that really counts for a lot, ya know? Don't just dump your wife because the sex is non-existent or not that good...that sure seems like the wrong reason to split up. You can't screw 24 hours per day...but if you get along otherwise 24 hours per day, then it sure seems like you have something worth holding onto rather than just throwing away.

    Here's a thought: What do you do when you're first seeing someone and you want to bang it out with them? (Answer: Put time and effort into seducing them. :brow) What do we tend to do as married folks when we want to bang it out with our SO? (Answer: we feel a sense of "entitlement" because we are married...right?)

    Well...why don't we seduce our spouses when we want sex? Why not, instead of just expecting it as an obligation? There's no valid reason I can think of...ya know? Sometimes I flirt, tease, and essentially keep my wife thinking about sex almost all day while she's at work. I seduce her all day. :dgrin By the time we get our daughter to bed at night, she's ready to pounce on me. :D Sex unquestionably starts in your mind, not your body.

    So, think about that...in addition to the already great suggestions, put some effort into seducing your wife. I'll bet you'll have some good results. ;)

    BD