Moral and Legal question

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by johnnyangel694u, May 4, 2008.

  1. johnnyangel694u

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    I am wondering what everyone thinks both morally and legally.

    I have 2 daughters 18 yo or older. Once in a while when they are home and not going anywhere I offer them a drink. Normally a malt cooler or frozen drinks that I make. The legal drinking age in PA is 21. If the kids don't leave the house, I am doing anything wrong?
     
  2. Dreama

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    Well, legally, yes. However, I don't see it as a big problem. I mean, if they were under 18, perhaps I'd see a moral issue, but at 18 they're adults. If you're old enough to go to war, risk your life for your country, you're old enough to have a drink, in my opinion. When I was about 18, my parents would offer me drinks because they saw me as an adult. The only stipulation was, I was not to leave the house, which I never wanted to anyway. And, when I married, my parents bought hubby and I some alcohol for our celebration. I just wouldn't go around telling authority figures you do this, though.
     
  3. cook74

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    21 till you are able to drink...:eek

    I wonder how many people have broken that law? ;)
     
  4. Puss_in_boots

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    As long as they're under your supervision and in your own home then I think it's okay. My dad used to offer me beers, wines, or cocktails when I was in my late teens. My mom was a little more strict about it and withheld anything containing alcohol until I turned 21, but after then it was offered abundantly and often.
     
  5. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    In answer to your question, practically everyone.

    The last time the Swede and I went to the US to visit my family, he was still only 20 (he's now 22), but when we went out to eat with my family, he ordered a beer from the waitress. The legal drinking age here in Sweden is 18, so he must have just forgotten. In any case, it didn't matter because the waitress never asked him for his ID. I've also been served in restaurants before I turned 21. Some places are just not as strict about it.
     
  6. johnnyangel694u

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    I would rather offer it to my kids than to have them go somewhere else or hide it. If they can't have it I think they are more likely to go looking for it. Typical teenage rebellion.
    PNB hit of something too. My wife is dead set against it so that puts a strain on things.
     
  7. ninja08hippie

    ninja08hippie Official SF Hugger
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    Agreed. Better that you give it to them because you know exactly what it is and if they're with you they won't overdo it and hurt themselves or do something stupid.
     
  8. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

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    Bingo, my thought exactly. It may be illegal, but hey so are a lot of things we do (like oral sex in many US states, for instance...none of us do that, do we? ;)). As long she is safe and being taught to be responsible with alcohol, I don't see an issue with it...it's in the privacy of your own house. It's one of those cases where there's no absolute right choice, so you are doing the least wrong of the two choices IMO, and doing it for the right reasons.

    BD
     
  9. CutiePie25

    CutiePie25 New Member

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    If you give it to her at home that means shes not going out drinking and possibly driving home. I don't think you're doing anything wrong, if anything you're saving your kids from a possibly devastating mistake.
     
  10. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    LEGALLY: I've checked a few websites, and it seems different states have different variations of the law. It seems they are in agreement in that serving minors (under 21 years old, Federally), even if it's YOUR children confined to YOUR home, is indeed illegal. Should they mention it to a friend, who mentions it to a friend.... and the authorities catch wind of it, you could come under some sort of scrutiny which could result in arrest.

    MORALLY: You know 'morality' is relative :lol I personally don't think the law should be so stringent and controlling of the family activites. Ultimately though, You have to know your own reasons, based on your priorities as a parent, and based on what you know about your children. And I suppose also based on whether you think it's important enough to take the "legal" risk.
     
  11. Joe

    Joe
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    I think it's more the example you set with your drinking (as parents) than whether or not you offer them a drink in your home. My son-in-law's father has made it a custom in his house that his kids, on their 21st birthdays, will get stinking drunk with him -- falling down, head-in-the-throne drunk. He says it's the rule. In my mind that's teaching them to abuse alcohol and I'm against it, even if they're 21 at the time.

    When my son graduated from high school at 17 we knew he and most of his friends were no strangers to beer. They were too young to buy it legally but could easily get it from older friends, older siblings of friends, etc. Rather than have them out in public drinking where they'd get into trouble, we let them party at our house. He had some pretty big parties at our expense, and we were legally wrong to allow it, but we had one rule that couldn't be broken: When you enter our front door, dad gets your keys. They were overnight parties, and no one left until morning.

    I wouldn't do it now, as the cops would somehow find out, and I'd be nicked for providing alcohol to minors, but morally I don't think I did wrong. The kids would have been drinking anyway, and by doing it in my house they were not out driving under the influence. Hopefully they learned to drink more responsibly because of it.

    I repeat, however, I'd not do it today. (That was 20 years ago.)
     
  12. bsxy420

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    i was drinking at home when i was 15...my parents theory on it was that atleast im not out on the streets doing it. and they knew what i was doing and how i was reacting to it.
     
  13. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    In retrospect, I would have done just the same, "bsxy420". I was, however, a very prudish parent (as was Thorn). It seems that we were more stringent in our 'control' over our oldest... and the result? A far more rebellious child.

    Our oldest? We never let her feel anything that was concieved as "immoral".

    When our younger children were born, we were somewhat more open to their individuality, and that gave them more pride in their grounding :shrug Our oldest had serious rebellion problems.. our two youngest seemed to meld into adulthood with grace and freedom to be real... and who they honestly are. It was 'okay' that they drank alcohol :whoa... and whatever.... they just seemed to find the ability to know their limits, sans Mom & Dad's input!

    Does that makes sense in this thread?
     
  14. decuss524

    decuss524 New Member

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    Im not sure if this applies to your state but i know in Florida it is actually legal for someone under 21 to drink in there own household as long as they are given it by their parents and they remain at the house. You are not allowed to give it to there friends.
     
  15. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    That's interesting, as I could not find a state that indicated such a parental right of authority. I think it's appropriate, as parent's SHOULD have ultimate control in their kid's upbringing pertaining to alcohol...sex...

    Thorn & I need to move to Florida... for many reasons....
     
  16. Dreama

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    Yeah, I was the oldest, and though my parents were strict on me in many ways, they loosened their hold as I got older, so that I had basically come out of high school with a 'been there, done that' attitude toward drinking and partying. I have more energy to spend toward my studies. Granted, I think I grew up really fast due to being the oldest and having many more responsibilities...I actually think my brother and sister got the short end of the stick because while they had more freedom, they weren't used to being under as much pressure, and can't handle as much of it. I'm almost afraid of my little sister graduating high school because I'm afraid she'll end up living in a box...
     
  17. Puss_in_boots

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    I was also eldest and therefore the "experimental" child. The strictness and the standards for my behavior were always the highest, and from time to time I felt resentful about that. Of course I'm mature enough now to realize that my parents were simply doing what they thought was right. After all they're only human.

    Still, I never really quite got over it when I turned sixteen and asked my mom, "So, can I start driving lessons?" and her response was, "Absolutely not!" That was it. Hands down. Non-negotiable. But then when my ten years younger sister turned sixteen she was strongly encouraged to get a driver's license as soon as possible and then given a car. My mom has never been able to give me a satisfactory explanation for that, other than: "It was just different."
     
  18. Dreama

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    That reminds me of my 16th birthday, when I of course had been told for years that I would not drive, and my parents were going to let me get my ears pierced instead...So, I got the ear piercings I had wanted for years. My little sister got hers when she was fourteen, mom basically only said that it was for reasons she didn't really think about. Oh well. Maybe having to wait so long was a reason I'm fascinated with piercings. :)
     
  19. Bluesy

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    I think the drinking age should be consistent with the age of majority. It's a little nutty when a person is legally classified as an adult and unable to purchase or consume alcohol (not that it stops anyone...I know I was partying it up as a college freshman along with the rest of my peers). Unfortunately, there's this dilemma for parents of legal adults, and I would say use your discretion. An emotionally mature 18-yr-old drinking moderately with parental supervision is nothing to get fussed over, IMO. It's a far better alternative to frat parties (and potential drunk driving incidents), at any rate.

    Any younger than 18, I would say, "No way." 18 and up, sure, why not. Just be certain that your daughters aren't driving, or leaving the house for that matter, while intoxicated.

    While we're on the subject, you can sign a petition for lowering the drinking age: http://www.petitiononline.com/AD793/petition.html

    Sadly, parenthood doesn't endow people with sound judgment. As Children and Youth Services knows all too well :(