monogamous relationships

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by StraitFacedGrin, May 31, 2007.

  1. StraitFacedGrin

    StraitFacedGrin New Member

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    I may be a little young to be so cold but I truley believe that as a society we are moving away from monogamous relationships, this is exemplified in that more than 50% of marriages end in divorce and our body's basic sexual biology's default setting isn't made for accommodating just a singular partner. I think that the meaning of life is quite simple and universal (not just to humans but all animals), to have our genes passed on (have children) and raise them to succeed in doing the same. Now with that in mind, one might assume that finding a partner, getting married and having kids would make you a success, which it would if it were that easy. But then there's the fact that less than 1% of the sperm in any given male ejaculate is designed to fertilize the female egg, most of it is designed to find and block the sperm from other males that might have been there before them. There is also the stagering statistic that approximatley 10% of all children born to married couples do not have their "father's" genes, which translates to 1 in every 10 people you meet (who come from married parents) do not actually have their real fathers, that means an awful lot of cheating wives, and a lot of broken monogamous relationships, for when the wife cheats it makes no sense for the husband to stick around a potentially raise and care for genes (children) that are not his. But by this logic if the husband were to cheat it would not be illogical for the wife to take him back because she is unharmed by his genes (children) being carried by another woman, for he can still impregnate her as well and everyone's genes are passed on, everyone is successful, everyone's happy.:) I may have gotten off topic and not proved anything, but what do you think?
     
    #1 StraitFacedGrin, May 31, 2007
    Last edited: May 31, 2007
  2. Joe

    Joe
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    I read in the local newspaper last week (AP story) that the divorce rate is going down. I also read (might have been the same article) that, according to a recent poll, the rate of infidelity among U.S. married couples is much less than was previously believed.

    The average age for marriages is higher now also, so that's likely one reason for a lower divorce rate. The article stated that more people are living together outside of marriage now than in recent history and suggested that many couples don't get married until they're ready for children.

    Whatever the case, non-monogamous relationships are certainly nothing new. Even during the Victorian Age, married men having relationships outside their marriages was commonplace.

    I think part of the reason we see marriages going to hell in a hand basket is because indiscretions are more in the open now than they used to be. There are at least a couple reasons for that. 1) Before Watergate, reporters would often look the other way when our political leaders and movie stars screwed up. Now they hunt for the story, and if they find it, it's front page news. 2) Wives put up with less crap now than they did a few decades ago. Most of them have jobs of their own and are perfectly capable of earning a good living, so they don't have to live with cheating or abusive husbands to insure a family income.

    And that's all I've got to say about that. ;)
     
  3. Bluesy

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    ITA with Joe. People talk about adultery more nowadays (it's shocking, but no longer a character assasin), and women are no longer circumscribed to the role of "housewife"--if they aren't satisfied with their marriage, they can leave. A higher divorce rate, as opposed to the divorce rate in, say, 1950, stems from a combination of factors, including a dramatic shift in societal mores as far as acceptability of divorce and singlehood, and the women's lib movement. Western civ is no longer overwhelmingly influenced by Judeo-Christian values. It's not that we're no longer fans of monogamy.

    People are biologically programmed to spend a max of four years with one partner, so monogamy is, and always has been, an unnatural arrangement, but that doesn't mean it's an impossibility or something we shouldn't try if the desire and ability to commit are present. Some people are one-person lovers and prefer monogamous relationships, others just aren't cut out for it. Thank god we're a fairly open and tolerant society that allows people to decide for themselves what sort of relationship is right for the individual. Polyamory is growing in popularity, as an example. It's important to be upfront about your personal inclinations with prospective partners, however. If you aren't hot on monogamy, it would be unscrupulous to let a woman think she may have you all to herself someday. Just be open, date others of like mind. Be true to yourself.
     
  4. HouseHunny

    HouseHunny New Member

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    Before coming to this site, I was also beginning to wonder if monogamy was a thing of the past or unnatural. Reading threads that men post stating how much they love their wives and have been waiting years to get some loving reassures that men do value monogamy and loyalty in their relationships. Sadly, there is a missing link between them and their partners that is causing stressful moments. So now I am more inclined to believe that a couple who is in good terms when it comes to every area of their relationship does have the ability to be a happy monogamous one.
     
  5. tookeyy

    tookeyy New Member

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    good post
     
  6. RainbowMuncher

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    I like your point of view, though slightly depressing..
     
  7. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Never been married, as far as im concerned probably never will.
    To me it just puts way to much un needed stress on a relationship.
    For those that do , i hope it works for you, but Marriage is something that has to be worked at , loyalty and trust love and friendship. and a deep willingness to talk through any rifts or problems will tend to make a great mariage or relationship

    Statistics are meant as a rough guide, not the utter fact.

    Sadly there isnt a guide book that will give you the perfect marriage or relationship.
    Many wil say they are in one, but behind closed doors i tend to wonder.
     
  8. CollegeGuy09

    CollegeGuy09 New Member

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    I agree with Kronnie when it comes to his outlook on marriage. If you love someone enough, why do you need to marry them? Some may say that it 'proves you're dedicated to one person', but to me, if you can devote yourself to one person without the ties of marriage, it shows that you are even more devoted to that person.
     
  9. cbrmale

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    You are quite correct in interpreting our basic biological need is to have multiple sexual partners, but in the very recent past this has become socially unacceptable. The biology is that men seek to impregnate many attractive women, thereby ensuring he will have attractive offspring to carry his line. The converse is also true, women seek to get impregnated by certain types of men, and for much of the history of humankind, society was arranged that women had a series of short-term relationships with men of their choosing.

    It is possible to be mongamous for long periods of time with the right person. Equally, it is possible to be non-monogamous and not cause harm to any of the relationships. Love for and sex with someone does not subtract from love for and sex with someone else. It isn't necessarily either / or, it can be both.

    So for me, monogamy is not a relationship-breaker. Others do not have this view, often equating sexual fidelity to emotional committment. In other cases, particularly for men, non-monogamy can be unacceptable because of jealousy and insecurity.
     
  10. Clark

    Clark Member

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    I've been married for 11 years and will continue to be dedicated to my marriage.

    That said...

    Honestly, if I found my self single again, I don't think I'd get married.

    I would, however, stay monogamous with one woman, though.

    Marriage is now a very dangerous endeavor. It is a tremendous risk of losing current and future finances, property and credit should the marriage end. I've seen too many people suffer from too many difficulties as a result of divorces, and some of those divorces may not even be their fault.

    It makes me sad to say that.
     
  11. BigDPhilly

    BigDPhilly New Member

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    Both my wife and I are on our second marriages, we've both been cheated on by our previous spouses, we both cheated on our previous spouses, and we both have a list of horror stories from past loves and affairs.

    That being said, I still believe that there is an innate yearning for people to find and bond with another human being in an intimate relationship. Granted, the animal in us sometimes hungers for new sexual partners but we're more than just animals. Hell, animals also eat their young and piss to mark their territory but I don't think many of us would accept either of these behaviors as healthy or even human.

    Monogamy is a challenge but so is parenting, being a responsible citizen, holding down a well-paying job, and all the other hundreds of things we choose to do in order to build and maintain our lives, communities, and cultures. Do I ever want to meet a strange woman and fuck her? Of course. And I'm sure my wife has seen men that she would love to sleep with but we both choose each other and I think that there is something more profound in that decision that simply tradition or fear of loneliness.
     
  12. Bluesy

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    Very well said :tup
     
  13. black king

    black king New Member

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    I personally have never cheated, while it has been tempting at times, but it seems to me that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Between any two humans, no matter how they feel about each other, there will always be some kind of conflict. A relationship with no arguments is not a healthy relationship because one person is simply backing down, instead of both people having their say. The main issue with a successful relationship is being able to have these arguments, and such like, and being able to work through them, as opposed to no arguments at all. If you can manage that, and you have enough willpower to not smoke when other people around you are smoking, then you can stay monogamous. Whether or not you choose to is your business and your partner's business.
     
  14. naughtynid81

    naughtynid81 New Member

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    I have often had the same views as well. Who says someone cant love and be intimate with multiple people
     
  15. blueyedcouple

    blueyedcouple New Member

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    Wow, this is a good thread. So many good points made!! I believe that if you don't take the vows you make seriously you don't need to make them. There is a certain honor in having/taking someone as your spouse and into your family. I also believe there is honor in having someone's child. Keep in mind that marriage is something both have to work at, it just doesn't happen..you have to WANT it. There is no need in taking those vows (getting married) if your personal beliefs stray in the beginning. My husband and I are on our second marriages also..he and his ex had at one point an open marriage that ended in her "going behind his back" and stepped out of those bounds, mine was ended in a death. Having children from other SO's is to be considered emotionally and financially, especially if you have children from multiple SO's. Life isn't just about you and your sexual beliefs, there is always the bigger picture of what you doing is going to effect someone else in the end. Not to mention STD's!! They are on the rise..