Mistakes women make when having sex

Discussion in 'Sexual Foreplay and Techniques' started by fred9989, Nov 13, 2006.

  1. fred9989

    fred9989 New Member

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    1 Behaving like he's a mind reader - or dropping "clues" about what you want

    This is a very feminine game, but it won't get you what you want. Men just don't think that way, and it's disrespectful to later blame them for something they could never figure out from such indirect communication. Drop the games, and be direct. Good communication is everything in a relationship. For example, if you want oral sex, ask him to go down on you. If you're embarrassed about it, use language which makes your meaning clear: "I'd like you to kiss my bits" will do - anything that gets your meaning across. And, though you may find it difficult, if he's working on bringing you to orgasm, he'll need feedback to make sure he carries on enthusiastically. Losing your self in your bliss and not saying anything will make him wonder if you're asleep, dead or uninterested, at which point he'll most likely stop.

    2 Resenting him when you don't get what you want

    What, didn't you read number 1 above? If you want, say, more foreplay, then you need to say so. If he charges straight into your erogenous zones after a few minutes' kissing, then you need to educate him about what you want. Men are much more quickly aroused than women on the whole, and they simply need slowing down. One great way to do this is to make sure you get an orgasm before you have intercourse (see below). And you can always distract him with a spot of fellatio, or by licking him all over. As a woman you're likely to be more creative than he is, so maybe you can apply your creative skills to sex, and improve it for both of you!

    3 Not realizing that "Women come first"!

    Well, maybe not in everything, but it's not a bad rule to follow during sex. Men lose interest very rapidly after they've ejaculated: like it or not, that's how they are biologically built (in fact they are programmed to sleep after sex) and unless they're especially sensitive, once they've come, they won't be much interested in your satisfaction. The best way to deal with this is to have extended foreplay which includes him giving you oral sex or pleasuring you with his fingers until you come.....then it's his turn. This way he'll be very turned on, and enjoy a big orgasm when he does come inside you - or in any other way. (And in case you don't know, men really do like the sight, smell and taste of your vulva!)

    4 Being much more critical of your body than he is

    It's hard for women to believe, but it is true. In general, men are much less critical of your nobody than you are. When you start hiding it during sex, or refusing to enjoy certain sexual positions because you fear what he might think of your body, he's likely to get very disenchanted, very quickly. If you need reassurance that your body is OK, remember rule number 1: ask him for it. Say, for example, "I'm feeling a bit insecure about my tits/bottom/belly/whatever. Do you find them attractive?" or, "Do you like my body?"

    5 Not being assertive during sex

    It's an old, old stereotype: men lead, women follow. Well, that certainly shouldn't be true all the time in sex. Even if you like him to be masculine and dominant during sex, or even if you like to feel as if you're being "taken" sometimes, it's just as nice for him to see your assertive side. Take the lead from time to time: give him a treat - woman on top or rear entry will push all his sexual buttons and make him wonder if his birthday has come early.

    6 Being critical of his performance

    Nothing, but nothing, will turn a man off faster (especially if he thinks he's doing well) than being critical. If he comes too soon for you, if he doesn't give you enough pleasure, if he's too rough or he touches you too hard or soft, or whatever, the answer does NOT lie in criticism! Instead, find a way of gently expressing your feelings and tell him what would like instead. For example, "When you don't look at me when you enter me I miss the feeling of intimacy with you" or "I like it when you do that, but I'd like it even more if you slowed down, touched to the side of my clitoris, thrust harder/softer...." and so on.

    7 Treating his penis as if it were your clitoris

    Which means - handle it more firmly. He'll soon tell you if you do it wrong. In general, men masturbate with much more pressure than is acceptable for a woman: her clitoris is simply too sensitive. You need to do it differently for him, especially as he approaches orgasm, when he really will like a firm touch. (Having said that, he'll still enjoy feather light touches from your well-lubed hand in the early stages of your sex play - try saliva as a quick and easy lube.)

    8 Refusing oral sex

    Well, this may be contentious, but I'll say it anyway. Most women don't really understand how important oral sex is to men. Sure, you know men like it (how could you not!), but you may not understand how important it is. And this isn't some crude male desire to dominate you. Men love oral sex because the intimacy and trust of the act is signals your love. Taking his penis into your mouth is not just a sign of accepting his penis, but also signals to him your total acceptance of him as a man: in his mind this may be an act of the greatest possible intimacy. By the way - you don't have to let him ejaculate in your mouth, let alone swallow his semen.
     
  2. Bluesy

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    Very interesting, and I'm sure there are women who will find your post illuminating. I agree that women have to be candid about what they want in the bedroom, but a good lover will pay close attention to body language and make a sincere effort to decipher it, and he'll continue to add more and more of her non-verbal language to his sexual lexicon. Women should do it, too, of course, but I think we're naturally more attuned to subtle signals. So guys have to work at it a bit, but the pay-off....well, that's definitely worthwhile ;)

    I vehemently disagree with this. Again, what separates a good lover from a mediocre/poor one is knowing what the appropriate things to do and say are at the appropriate times. A good lover compliments his woman without prompting; he tells her how she excites him and how beautiful and sexy she is. A woman who is made to feel beautiful and sexy is a confident lover--cause and effect.

    Trust me, we do ;)

    Overall, very well said. Thanks for sharing that!
     
  3. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

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    The dude's got to do his job too! One of the beautiful things about a women is her mystery! A guy should be willing to put some effort into unlocking her hidden treasures! Often girls like being "talked into it!" Watch out about laziness and expecting everything on a platter! The art of love making should be jsut that. And art!
     
  4. cbrmale

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    I like the post, some good hints for the ladies.

    I'll agree with Bluesy however, beyond sex men and women do communicate in different ways, and men need to learn and understand non verbal signals in order to satisfy thier partners. It is not as if women do this to frustrate us, women really are more attuned to body language. All men have to do is learn the signs and signals, and the rest is easy.

    Of all the gender stereotypes in sex, this is the one that pushes my buttons more than any other. Sure I love to be masculine and take charge and feel my lady melt in my arms, some of the time. Every time, and sex becomes a bit of a drag, you're setting the pace and the tempo and the moves and the positions and it gets to be quite draining.

    For me, there is nothing better than have a woman take me from time to time, I love it!
     
  5. Thorn

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    I like your warning to guys about laziness. Also if the guy is allowed to unlock some of her treasures without them being handed to him on a platter it can be a confidence builder for the guy. I know with my wife she will from time to time tell me "try this or that" but through most of our history I have figured things out pretty well and that's kind of been a turn on to her.
     
  6. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Sometimes, I see 'love making" as an elaborate dance. Two people feeling the music that their bodies are producing, and moving and flowing with every beat. When you are dancing, there are times when you talk (sharing your desires or needs), there are times when you laugh, and times when you just listen, with your soul. The same should hold true with your romp in the bed. ;)
     
  7. pirouette

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    Perhaps a list of men's mistakes would be fair play? :lol
     
  8. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    OH, HELL YEAH! LET'S ROLL, BABY!!!
     
  9. Thorn

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    Mistakes? Men? That's preposterous!
     
  10. AnonymousOne

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    A1 approves. :phat
     
  11. pirouette

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    Seems only fair! And are you inferring that the thread would be far too large for :sf ? :lol
     
  12. Hot Wheels

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    I think the biggest mistake women, and men too for that matter, make is picking the "wrong" person to have sex with in the first place.:uhh:
    Something I think most people have been guilty of at one stage or another.
     
  13. lideto8

    lideto8 New Member

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    like the post, some good hints for the ladies.
     
  14. SexyScorp

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    Here here Hot Wheels....

    And i think the second mistake is....

    picking people of the same gender to have sex with

    Jeeeez.....there are so many differences....

    I really really wished I were a lesbian or bi a times.....

    Would be so much easier....

    Women seem to know what women like and men likewise...

    How fucking infuriating for hetro folk

    lol
     
  15. SexyScorp

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    One thing I wrestle with is men with inflated egos....and who are so entrenched in their masculine side that they become lost where the art of love is concerned...

    I was raised by a very macho father, who I have learned of late is extremely sensitive inside...he had to put that macho facade forward for all those years only to find that when my mother died, he had a refreshingly feminine energy....

    Him and I used to go at it hammer and tongue....

    We are now equals....we discuss calmly...

    Do you know what he said to me once when I was a teen doubled up with menstrual pain....."whats yer problem...you are not the only woman that has periods"....

    hahahahaha.....

    He was/is in part so threatened by strong women, women who could stand up and speak, women who didnt live to please their man all the time....women who had their own views and lives...

    Ironic that he went on to raise a very strong female for a daughter...and now admits that he is proud of me...

    Karma....I thinks

    :)
     
  16. NaughtyKnickers

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    Wow, I had somehow missed this thread.

    Thanks for posting it, I'm guilty of a few on this list from time to time, myself. :ugh

    So much information is out there now on how men should be pleasuring women, which is important and good(!), but us women can sure use pointers, too.

    ..... Well, at least I can! :ugh

    Thanks for posting this! :)
     
  17. NaughtyKnickers

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    He sure ought to be, Scorp. ;) You're one special lady. :)
     
  18. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    <hanging head in shame...> You are right! Women always shout out our needs and desires (especially on forums such as this) - but for a man to say...HEY! I have needs too! And here they are...:....

    Any woman who cares will read and take notice! :)
     
  19. AnonymousOne

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    Ouch ... that hurts. :(
     
  20. Kronnie

    Kronnie Banned

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    Yep i hate egotistical , arrogent people full stop....but i learn to deal with that each day :p