Miss matched appetite

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Super Bad, Dec 11, 2013.

  1. Super Bad

    Super Bad New Member

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    Hi every one. first time to post a thread, ever. :)

    we are a married couple, 38 n 36, been married 14 years now and still very much in love but we have always had big gap in our sexual appetite. i am more like once a day kind a guy. she is more like twice a month kind a gurl which can be a bummer. sex is great, that's when we get to do it. for both off us. i don't have to guess or even ask her, its quite obvious. i can c she loved it only she doesn't feel like doin it again for a while.

    I am not the cheating type so as you must have figured out, I had to fill in the gap with a lot of wanking. I didn't terribly mind, i luv masturbating. thing is, lately just wanking is not doin it for me. you do it n couple of hours later you are horny again !!

    i know this is a common guy thing with married couple. well, is it? and any creative ideas
     
  2. HotForHoney

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    Barton goldsmith - emotional fitness for intimacy - 10 minute exercises.

    Build up the intimacy and the sex will come. Or figure out how to unleash her inner whore.
     
  3. Silverfox

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    Do you talk to her about it?
     
  4. Super Bad

    Super Bad New Member

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    ya she knows but what can she do abt it .. its not like u can have sex twice a week without actually feeling like it. she knows i wank a lot too. sometimes she helps or watches
     
  5. Anotherday

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    Has she had hormone levels checked?
    I know that a few years after our child was born my wife decided to do have hers checked and her testosterone levels were non-existent. Big improvement from just that alone.

    Are there hidden desires she may have but is afraid to talk about?
    Cliche I know, but after reading 50 Shades and delving further into erotica books, my wife's eyes were opened and she opened mine with just a few conversations. This led us to a whole new playing field for us.

    How does she view her physical self?
    A woman who does not feel sexy isn't going to be sexy.

    Does she have a wife/mother hang up?
    Many women believe that as a wife/mother they shouldn't be sexual anymore.

    How are you physically?
    Could you be in better shape your self?

    Are there stresses in her life that you could remedy?
    If so, get off the damned couch and help out. Sometimes when a woman says she's too tired, she's too tired. A tired woman is not a horny woman.

    Who takes charge in the bed room?
    A lot of woman don't want a submissive man to gently handle them with kid gloves. You may find your attitude towards sex turns her off. Many women want to be taken and dominated even if just from time to time.

    Who takes charge outside of the bedroom?
    Are there responsibilities you could take over, decisions you could make instead of her? This takes stress off of her.

    Do you have a friendship, a high level of trust between the two of you?

    Do the two of you get away or gave date nights? Get out, go to new places and enjoy a few things together.

    Not all if this may apply to your situation, but there's a lot to think about there.

    Relationships are hard work, but they should be fun work and very rewarding for both of you.
     
  6. skinnyminnie

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    My sex drive is much lower than my guy for various reasons. I simple don't have the energy to do it but in an effort to make him happy and compromise, we settled on twice a week. So maybe if you talk to her and let her know how much it means to you, she will put forth more of an effort to make you happy. Come to a happy medium. If she can visualize a number in her mind, then she can plan to make sure it happens ___ times each week. The way I think about it is it will not kill me to be a little sleepy at work tomorrow especially if I know I can get a full night's rest 5 other days in the week.

    Find out what motivates her. This sounds crazy but I love food (I'm skinny but I love food). My guy knows this so whenever we have sex, he buys me food - whatever I'm in the mood for - mcdonalds, take-out, restaurants, whatever. It's an even trade to me. So figure out what she likes and make it happen.

    He helps lighten the load by doing dishes when I cook, taking the trash out, fixing things so I don't have to which gives me extra time/energy to do him favors.

    And make sure when it does happen, it's great! So she will remember how good it was last time and what she is missing.

    Sounds crazy but from a girl with low sex drive, it works for us. Ultimately, I bet she wants to please you. You just have to find more creative ways to bring it out.
     
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  7. Silverfox

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    I like Minnie's compromise.
     
  8. Super Bad

    Super Bad New Member

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    thanks for your tips minnie. i will try what you suggested especially the help-out-more part. in her defense sometimes she do try to compromise just for my sake but life can be overwhelming especially with a job, kids and a masters degree on your plat.
     
  9. skinnyminnie

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    Yes it gets so overwhelming sometimes.

    I
     
  10. WS4

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    My wife and i worked on this issue been married 30yrs. I work evenings she works a flex schedule not her choice. So if I get home and she doesn't have to go in early she leaves the panties off and its sleep assault time. She really has to be rested and if she takes the menopause tranquilizers it turns off her buttons. We talked alot about this cause I felt kind of weird about it for a while she told me its a pussy massage and feels quite good. Sometimes she will just cuddle with me while I jerk off she laughs if she gets hit. Like tonight ill get home at midnight she got home at 5 but doesn't go in till 4pm tommorow. Ill pull the old sneak attack then after coffee in morning we go again and she gets hers. It seems to be working pretty good so far. We are in our late 40s and we have sex at min 6 times a week. Communication is the key.