Miscarriage

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Ice Cold, Jul 14, 2006.

  1. Ice Cold

    Ice Cold New Member

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    My girlfriend and I recently experienced a miscarriage (7/09). We knew she was pregnant before hand and were goin through all the steps in preparation for this. Today we went to a planned parenthood clinic to see if she did indeed have a miscarriage and was in good health. the doctor told us that she was no longer carrying a child, but there was some material left (in her womb im guessing). He told her to talk to her GYN to make sure she doesnt have an ectopic pregnancy. My gf however isscared to tell her GYN because she fears her parents finding out through the insurance bills.(she has had a bad spring semester academically, and recently lost her job, she fears disappointing her parents even more, with being pregnant) If i had more income, i would have no problem payin out of pocket for any medical charges that would come up, to make sure that she is ok, but as it is, i am very strapped for cash. We are both fairly certain that she did infact pass the child, and that she doesnt have a ectopic pregnancy, but would rather have the medical documents to confirm this (if you would like to know how we are so certain PM).

    My first issue is, how do i convince her that her parents would be more concerned with her health, than bills or disappoint and get her to go to the doctor?

    My second is, we had sex thursday night, it was a few days after she stopped bleeding so we assumed it was safe to do so. We both read lots of medical info on miscarriages, and most either said it was safe to have sex after the bleeding subsides, or nothing at all, so we assumed we were in the clear. However, after sex, with moderately deep penetration, she was in a great deal of pain in her abdomen area(she thinks it was her cervix), so much that she could barely stand, walk or talk. Even though we went to the clinic today, she was too scared to tell the doctor about the pain she was feeling, due to fear of having to get her cervix operated on. I am very concerned for her health and wish taht she would go through the neccessary requirements to make sure that she is ok. What i am asking again is, how do i convince her to look after herself, and is intense pain common after a miscarriage? I previously made a post about how much pain she would be in after sex, perhaps it is another issue that plagues her? I know you guys can't really diagnose her off of the little bit of info that i have given you here, but any advice or words on the topic would be greatly appreciated.
     
  2. BiBiBaby

    BiBiBaby New Member

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    First off, if she is in severe pain like that she NEEDS to tell her doctor.

    I had pain after my miscarraige as well, I don't know if its common, but it happens, mine felt more like a long term cramp however.

    As far as doctor bills,many schools have health service centers where women can get GYN services for free, check into that?
     
  3. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    IF a doctor is saying there is material/tissue left she really must see a doctor. If not she could face serious and DANGEROUS infections, that could risk her health and the possibility of her having children in the future. She must be convinced to see a physician!

    Now, as far as her parents, I'm not sure of her age, but the harsh reality is that she was pregnant and she has now suffered a great loss, and she is going to have to face that loss, and will need the support of all of her loved ones to get through this. Honestly. How she makes it through this difficult time in her life (college, job, relationship, miscarriage) can determine many things about her future.

    As far as the pain following sex, the cervix are affected when a woman becomes pregnant, and when she has a miscarriage, so they were likely very tender, and may be for some time. Is her pain improved now, or is she still feeling serious pain? If she is, she needs to see a doctor as soon as you can convince her to do so.

    In times like this we women lose our heads.... be her rationality, and love her enough to really get her through this. You're already doing it right by asking questions.
     
  4. Miki

    Miki Banned

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    I don't have any medical advice regards in this since my specialty isn't in gynecology or obstertics... but I must offer my condolences for your miscarriage. Listen to what other people have been posting... Consult a professional physician/doctor if your wife is experiencing pain.
     
  5. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Re-read "melicious's" post. It is all said in there.

    She has just lost a child. Unborn, sure... but as a woman, there is a definite emotional challenge ahead of her. And physically, the fact that there may be residue birth substance still in there could mean serious medical problems is not addressed.

    I had an abortion at an early teenage year. Sure, i disappointed my parents' desires, but they were more interested in making sure that i had the proper medical care to make me well, and able to go on with my life - - marriage --- children --. You would be surprised at how parents can handle the shit their kids drop on them. It all boils down to: parents love their kids, and will help them through the worst of circumstances. It's our (parents)'lot' in life. And when it's all over, we have all grown a bit stronger through the experience.

    Hope this helps.
     
  6. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    That's just what I was going to say, Rose. I'm sure your girlfriend's parents are much much more concerned for their daughter's health than they are about the fact that their daughter is sexually active and accidentally became pregnant. She needs all the help and support she can get when she's going through this difficult time, from her parents especially. I put my parents through a lot when I was around 18 and I thought they'd never forgive me, but that's what parents do. They love their kids, and they forgive 'em again and again and again. :)
     
  7. Miki

    Miki Banned

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    The loss of a baby is just very sad and emotionally straining on the parents. :( If there's been a miscarriage before and there's pain, you HAVE to be extra careful. Your experiences of having children at an early age really surprise me... I've never even had sex or considered children now. It truly is amazing at what sex can do to a person's life. I'm not so anxious anymore...
     
  8. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Sex can be a very erotic experience... but knowing the ultimate consequence is important as well. A child is a life. A responsibility. For a very long time. They are a total joy, but without proper preparation, it can mean a very hard life.

    If someone is contemplating sex, i would always encourage them to realize that a child MAY be the product of the encounter.

    Are you ready to handle that? I love my babies, and grandbabies. But being a parent is a total TOTAL role-change.

    Miki, you are well to think through the desire to have sex....
     
  9. blue

    blue New Member

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    That's very well said, Rose.

    I think that it's possible her parents would be really upset about the whole thing, but daughter is daughter, they would want the bests for her in the end, right?
     
  10. Lusty Dreams

    Lusty Dreams New Member

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    You need to get her to a doc as soon as you can. It is very important for her health, and that is all that matters right now.
     
  11. Ice Cold

    Ice Cold New Member

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    After much talk i have finally convinced her (a few days ago) to go schedule her appointment. she avoided her parents knowing the truth by tellin her mom that her nuva ring was causing breakthrough bleeding. i guess it works, but i would like her to be able to be honest with her parents, i feel bad lying to them, as i know she does too.
     
  12. BiBiBaby

    BiBiBaby New Member

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    I'm glad that she is finally going in. I do hope that you decide (sooner not later) to be open and honest with her parents. Its hard, I know. I experienced my miscarraige at 17 and didn't tell my parents for an entire year. It killed me inside hiding something like that from them, they didn't know I was sexually active but going through something like that without the support of her family is going to be hard. Even with your total support, a girl needs her mommy
     
  13. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    I just discovered this thread, however, I hope that by now you all have gotten her to a physician and that she has been examined and, if necessary treated. My wife and I went through a miscarriage several years ago so I both sympathize with you and empathize with you both. It was hard, real hard and frightening. However, as time passes, you will heal emotionally although it does leave a sort of emotional "scar" of sorts, at least, it did with me. Anyway, most importantly, I hope that you two have gotten to a Doctor by now and that all is well. Take care. I surely understand! All the best to you.