Men confuse me!

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Shellen77, Oct 18, 2003.

  1. Shellen77

    Shellen77 New Member

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    Ok, here's the scoop:
    I've been seeing a guy for about a month or so now & things were looking decent between us. I just moved to the town he lives in, so now we're able to see each other more. We hang out once in a while, but never an actual date. It never fails everytime we're together, we end up getting it on. The sex is great, but that's all that it amounts to. We talk & laugh and try to get to know each other...but once in a while he acts so cold to me.

    Like tonight, I asked him if he had plans. He said no & I told him I wasn't doing anything either. Well, we decided to see a movie..no big deal. The movie was great & we had fun talking to each other, but once we got in the car he started acting funny. I asked him if he'd like to come over & watch TV or something. He gave me an excuse of having to get up early in the morning. Fine, I can deal with that. Once I dropped him off at his house, he was out the door immediately. No kiss or anything. Just said thanks & call me when you get home.
    I wasn't expecting to hop in bed with him or anything, I was just hoping that we could chit chat more. It's awfully hard to chit chat during a movie! Once I called him when I got home, the conversation lasted 5 minutes. During the movie, he could barely sit still & if my arm barely touched his, he move it away. BUT...yet, he did grab my side like he was going to tickle me during the movie.

    Why can't dating be easy? And why do men have to be so fucking hard to read?
    I just don't know what to do. I want to get to know him more & take things from there, but I can't when he's got this wall built up on the odd days of the week!

    Sorry for the rant, I'm just confused with that man. Do you think I should email him or talk to him about this? Is he playing me or is he just playing hard to get?
    TIA!
     
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  2. Ryan

    Ryan Gold Member

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    Why not talk to him and ask him what's up, who knows.
     
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  3. bait

    bait New Member

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    Sounds like the position I’m in...cept I’m a guy and she's a girl...I’ve come to the conclusion that my girlfriend is playing hard to get this may be the same for your boyfriend - The only way to find out is to confront him about it. Good Luck.
     
  4. Shellen77

    Shellen77 New Member

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    Here's an short update for ya'll. I refused to call or email him first...maybe I'm just stubborn, but I wanted him to show me that he wanted to talk to me. He called me earlier in the week & chatted for 5 minutes. I shot off an email to him 2 days ago & got a one sentence reply. He's just so confusing to me. Why is he playing hard to get? He knows that I want him & it feels like he's enjoying me begging to be around him. Fuck that! I'm not into games & if chooses to keep playing these stupid mind games with me, it's done. I've got too much going on in my life right now with my new career- I don't have the energy to fight for this.

    Good luck Bait!
     
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  5. wholetmydawgout

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    I am not really sure if he's playing hard to get or whether he is simply not good at communicating. In my experience I don't know of any guy that plays hard to get - either he is interested or not - I think it would be appropriate to discuss what each of you are looking out for at this point in your life. Maybe he is looking for something short-term and recognizes that you want more and does not know how to approach you about it.
    In either case, I think it would be appropriate to communicate your current goals with respect to relationships is.
    Keep us updated.
    A :)
     
  6. Shellen77

    Shellen77 New Member

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    Thanks for you opinion. It's so weird though. No man has ever acted this way around me. We talk maybe once or twice a week & see each other at least once a week. One time he seems very interested in me & can't keep his hands to himself...and the next it's cold shoulder. I know he doesn't want to settle down with one gal right now & honestly I don't know what I want either. I would just love companionship & a normal relationship with a guy. I'm not looking for marriage or a long term relationship, but if it happens I wouldn't have a big problem with it. You just never know when the right guy will come along & you fall in love. What we've got is so far from love right now & I don't know if I'm ready to love again. It just seems like love bites me in the ass, but I don't let it comsume my attitude though.

    Thanks again & I'll keep you updated.:)
     
  7. bobcat

    bobcat New Member

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    He is playing games with you, and sounds like a bit of a childish dickhead.

    I mean honestly, who wants to waste their time time buggering around like that, time shouldn't be spend like that, especially when you are trying to form a relationship. Also why should you have to put up with that needless nonsence.

    Tell him to be a man, and not some obnoxious pre-schooler. Otherwise just find a normal guy, not some sulky, petulant one.
     
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  8. Hug_It

    Hug_It New Member

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    Well Shellen, my guess is he basically isn't interested in seriously dating you for whatever reason. But, he's not willing to give up having you as a sexual partner. Which wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing if you were both on the same sheet of music but that doesn't seem to be the case.

    I think if a man, or a woman for that matter, is truly interested there isn't all the game playing. It's human nature to really go after something if you know it's what you want.

    Of course that could just be me :) .
     
  9. Shellen77

    Shellen77 New Member

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    We had a blow out today. I finally just bluntly asked him what he wants out of "this". He told me that he's not ready to settle down with one gal & he's dating others now too. If I don't like that, then it's over. It really sucked, but I knew it was coming. I told him that I didn't like how he treats me at times (one minute he's cool & the next it's like I don't exist even though I'm sitting next to him). He told me that he knows what I'm talking about & he'd try not to do that anymore.
    I figure I'm just gonna have fun with or with out him. If he wants to date others, fine...so will I. He's really a great guy & I do like him a lot. Maybe he'll realize that I'm out there looking too & he'll wise up. He's the one missing out on the catch!:D
     
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  10. bobcat

    bobcat New Member

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    You're nuts, he sounds like an asshole.

    Dump him, as he will now think that you are just some desperate chick who he can get a root out of whenever he feels like it. That's why he frequently gives you the cold sholder, it's part of his overall disrespect, and show of power he belives he holds over you.
     
  11. Hug_It

    Hug_It New Member

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    Definately agree with bobcat on that... best of luck though.
     
  12. iamjustme

    iamjustme Member

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    With all respect, in my opinion he must be only part of your past. His attitude reflected a lack of respect, the respect that you deserve!

    Take care of yourself and good luck!
     
  13. Shellen77

    Shellen77 New Member

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    Thanks. After much thought, I've realized that I am stupid about it all. He obviously doesn't respect me & we don't have the same "goal" in this "relationship". I don't mind being his friend, but nothing more. Mr Right will come along someday & when I find him, I'll know it's the right move. Obviously, by having to ask or even think about his intentions is a bad sign.

    Thanks for the luck & thanks for slapping some sense into me...again!:D
     
  14. iamjustme

    iamjustme Member

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    You're welcome Michelle, don't forget you deserve only the best, and the most important person for you is yourself!
     
  15. Hug_It

    Hug_It New Member

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    Sorry it didn't work out Shellen but I think you'll save yourself a lot of grief in the long run.
     
  16. talkitive male

    talkitive male New Member

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    more observations and reflections on the post than direct comments about it

    the world is full of literally millions of individuals, each person offers a different personality, wants different things this has lead to multicultural and mulit-faced society we have come to know in the west, most "start up" relationship problems stem from two people wanting different things, with one (usually the lesser interested) achieving their goals whilst the other seeks to improve the situation for themselves so it will accommodate theirs.

    If i phoned you up and tried to sell you my car, would you buy it????, you'd ask what model it was, how much i wanted, etc.

    already we can see the questions forming about what i have to offer, what i expect in return, if it doesn't suit you, you will simply tell me your not interested and hang up,

    the point is there are as many people as their are motives for joining a relationship, some want friendship, some sexual satisfaction, surely we shouldn't comprimise too much, or take a deal we are not interested in, would you argee that we should pay more attention to the selection of our meaningful relationships than we should the selection of cars??

    I would argue we have to, it has been said

    "if you grow weary with the foot soldiers how will you fair in the swelling of babalon"

    the point???? if a relationship is so hard to start off with why should it get any stronger, why should it work better i assure you it won't, by ending such a relationship neither part has lost anything simply gained the freedom to form a more suitable and forfilling realtionship with another, and overall you are better off alone than in a bad relationship
     
  17. Logger

    Gold Member

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    Shellen

    Your posts seem to be thoughtful. I followed you to this thread you started.

    So do you still see the guy once in a while?

    I used to think that if it was love, fidelity would automatically occur. I now beleive that fidelity needs to be managed in a relationship. I've been a husband for 28 years, seem some changes.

    Negotiation could be something like, "I am doing A, B and C for you, and I would like you to do X, Y and Z for me. It does not mean a commitment into the future, but maybe a week or a month at a time. If you start to feel uncomfortable, then let's talk about it.

    Maybe, "I would really like you to do T, U and V for me, for a while. What can I do for you, so the I can count on T, U and V?"

    What is his birth date and year? I find astrology helpful to begin to understand the male-female dichotomy. Do you know where your moon is? I guess you are Cancer, if I remember my signs correctly. The moon placement is important for a woman. I have seen books that give problems and advantages of various sun-moon combinations. I once hasd an opportunity to become an astrologer, perhaps I should have taken the chance.

    Can you fill in any blanks?

    Logger
     
  18. Shellen77

    Shellen77 New Member

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    Thanks Logger for reminding me about this thread...I actually forgot all about it. As for this guy & I, we are no longer "seeing" each other. We are still friends & friends only. I actually haven't seen him in over 3 weeks since we're both very busy. We do chat once a week if possible, but there is definitely no love interest between us. I found that he has very different goals in life than I do & in all honesty, there is no way for us to mesh when it comes to that. Being 26 years old, I am thinking of my future & want specific things out of life. He only thinks of today & tomorrow and doesn't care what happens in the future at all. It just won't work between us. I'm ok with that...at least I got a good friend out of the deal.

    As for my moon...I don't have a clue. I've never really been in astrology & don't know a thing about it except for that I'm a Gemini. As for his birthdate it is 4/1/74.
    Thanks again Logger! Hope this fills in the blanks for ya.
     
  19. tina

    tina New Member

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    Good for you Shellen!!! The guy sounded like a jerk. I hate when they play those stupid games. If only men would be a little more upfront with what they want. Some of us settle for "booty calls" when we know that's all there is in the "relationship" and some of us won't especially if we really like the guy but men are so selfish that they never come out with it and gives us the choice to make.

    I was in a similiar situation but it's sort of changed a bit because he fessed up and told me he wasn't looking for a serious relationship so I also let him know what I was in the market for and I think we see a little more eye to eye now and the "relationship" is better. As far as the sex is involved, it's my choice if I want to give myself up to him now.
     
  20. SexyFantasyGirl

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    to me communications is everything in a GOOD relationship,IMO you should talk to him and fing out what's going on,if he won't do that then your not in a good relationship