meeting new people...or meeting his friends?

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by BiBiBaby, Aug 11, 2004.

  1. BiBiBaby

    BiBiBaby New Member

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    ok... in 2 weeks I will be moving to a new town and new school (jul 26). I'm super excited because I can't wait to meet people and because my boyfriend will only be 10 miles away instead of 250 (NO he is NOT the reason i'm moving, i had already decided to move there before he was even offered the job there).

    i have been seeing him exclusively for almost a year (a year sept 3) but we've only been "official" for roughly 3 months.

    my dillema is =
    each year he and his friends (guys and girls) have an annual party out on a farm, just a chance to get back together from all over the country. and he really wants me to be there, because 2 of the guys are going to kosovo in october (for 2 years) and one lives in colorado so it might be awhile before i can meet them. these are the people he considers his closest friends... however, they are ALL older, many married, closest to my age is his best friends younger sister who will be 21 in a couple weeks (i am still 18). the age range from there is up to 27 or 28 i believe.
    the same weekend, my school is sponsoring a "welcome weekend" with a dance, a chance to go to the state fair, Renisance Festival, Valley Fair amusement park, and a picnic on the outskirts of town. these would be people my age, from my college.

    so, i'm having a hard time deciding. I know how important his friends are, and he REALLY wants me to spend that weekend with him...it is the same weekend as our "one year" anniversary...but at the same time i will be in a whole new town and not know anyone my age and meeting them out of a school atmosphere would be a better indication on their personalities...

    the party is out of town, so going to a little of both is out of the question...

    any advice?
     
  2. Logger

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    Dear Bi Bi Baby,

    Like your Avatar.

    I have seen a little of the business world as a man. A trustworthy wife can be a valuable asset to a man, in his advancement. Social relationships are often important for a man to advance, and win the trust of others in the business world. One option for you is to start acting as if you are his wife. Being as trustworthy and poised as his ideal wife, could be a goal for you.

    My wife is overly congenial, and this creates problems, as several people are going to leave the party, thinking that my wife and I are going to be going to their house for dinner next week. This is a problem for me, as I need to keep some distance from most of the guys.

    You can think of the advantage you have by being young. All you have to do is smile, and your youthful beauty shows through. Just minimize what you say, and minimize being overly friendly.

    Even if it does not work out with BF, you will pick up some social graces, just by walking around, shaking hands, and being half-friendly.

    My wife will often bring up topics at parties to try to embarrass me, or at least to tease me. You could go over with BF, in advance, what topics you often discuss between yourselves, that he would prefer not to discuss at the party.

    If you are serious about BF, then friends at school will be secondary. Many women hold their man back, by not being able to smile and nod politely, but just keep distantly quiet, for the most part. A goal could be just to avoid offending anyone, and showing everyone that BF has a poised GF.

    The Hot Time should not be at the party, but when you get home alone, after you have made BF look good.

    A man appears more trustworthy if he has a poised, responsible, trustworthy wife. Business is often based on trust. Build trust, make BF successful.

    Have a glass of Tomato Juice in your hand, or nurse a beer, but do not even drink a beer. Get drunk at home. If you drink, you will think you are being sociable, but sillyness shows through alcohol. Being silly does not build trust, except rarely.

    Do it for BF. Expect big returns from him and his friends. It is the way the business world works. Trust.

    Blessings
     
  3. BiBiBaby

    BiBiBaby New Member

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    it would be easier if it were just a one night party thing, but its more of a camping trip... 3 days...i'm just very nervous of his friends not approving of me....
     
  4. Frank Grimes

    Frank Grimes New Member

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    I think you should just be yourself. Generally, my experience is that guys rarely have problems with their friends' girlfriends. The only time it's ever an issue of not approving of a girl is if they are very demanding of his time, ie, don't allow him to spend time with his friends, or if they are very bitchy.

    Don't try too hard to fit in by talking all the time or not at all. Your boyfriend obviously likes something about you very much to be with you for a year and to take you along camping to meet his friends, so if you are that same person around them, you'll be just fine. Hope that makes sense.
     
  5. Logger

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    Dear Bi Bi Baby,

    Frank Grimes says just be yourself. Since I have seen so many creative sides of you, in your posts, I am not sure what part of yourself, Frank is suggesting you display at the party.

    Frank says don't come off bitchy or overly demanding on BF's time. Seems like good advice. Frank and I are both trying to say you will do fine.

    I'm sugggesting a simple goal. Demonstrate trustworthiness. This can be done by saying almost nothing, and just smiling at appropriate times.

    Let BF's friends think you have NO PERSONALITY. Give no opininons. Don't disclose your views on Politics, Religeon, Sports or Social Justice. When asked about BF, just reply that you have good chemistry between you.

    That means, even though you have NO PERSONALITY, you are good for BF.

    Just be a good listener. Ask questions to get other people to explain their oinions. If you get others expressing their ideas, they will think you are real smart, because you understand their inermost ideas, they thought no one could understand. As long as you don't tell the guests why you think they are wrong in their opinions, you will do well.

    Some basic conversation questions:

    What would you like to do more of?

    What would you like to avoid?

    What is worth working on for the future?

    What kind of cars would you like to drive?

    What else would you like to own?

    Are you able to find little successes from day to day, week to week? Happiness?

    I want to congratulate you for asking this question. If you are thinking about these issues, rather than just reacting without planning, I would say you could be a wife in the top 10% of Quality Wives.

    Blessings
     
  6. Logger

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    Dear Bi Bi Baby,

    My ideas have turned mind blowing humor.

    For Instance:

    Someone might bring up the topic, "Isn't it disappointing that the Governor of New Jersy had a homsexual affair?"

    You could suggest an enlightened view, "Well personally I prefer guys who are bisexual. I enjoy sandwhich love. I really like to be sandwiched in between two struggling guys. I think sex is so much better with three instead of two."

    Someone might bring up the dilemna of Gay marriage.

    You could suggest an enlighted view, "Well marriage should not be limited to just two people. I think three is a really neat number for a relationship."

    One way to avoid these pifalls, is to thik of ranges of degrees of opposing ideals.

    Homsexuality.
    Certainly we want everyone to be normal, but I guess some people are just wired different. The freedom for the pursuit of happiness is not an easy ideal to implement, when people have such different standards.

    Blessings