Me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 years, still insecurity issues...

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by u0dcameron, Jun 22, 2009.

  1. u0dcameron

    u0dcameron New Member

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    it's killing our sex life, I think my girlfriend is absolutely beautiful in any and every possible way, and believe me I make sure she knows how at least in my eyes absolutely gorgeous she is and how I love everything about her including every square inch of her body.

    Buuuuuuuuuuut she's still super self conscience.

    I took her V when she was 18 and I'm her first serious relationship, we're both 20 now and I don't know what to do.

    We have less sex because of it, like we VERY RARELY have daytime sex because she won't say it outright but I know she is uncomfortable with the whole "fully lighted room" scene. She also lets me go down on her less, and I know for a fact she absolutely loves when I go down on her, I thoroughly enjoy it and take pride in what I do when I'm down there.

    So ladies have you ever felt insecure and found a way to overcome it or guys had this issue? She says she understands how amazing and beautiful I think she is but it doesn't change the way she's though of herself over the years.
     
  2. spaceforme

    spaceforme New Member

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    Well I am kind of the the same boat. I love my girlfriend, we have been dating nearly 5 years and still sometimes she is insecure about her looks. This is something that confuses me because I we have been having sex for four and a half years and it seems that its getting worse as times goes on.. At first when everything was new I could understand and then it was to pretty normal for about 3 years and since then she has been insecure.

    She doesnt like sex in some positions (even though she loves how it feels) because she doesn't feel 'right'. Sometimes she wants the lights on, sometimes she doesn't. I dont know what it is. I think part of it may be like if she is spotting or something she doesnt want me to see it. Well, its kind of hard not to see a red hint on your penis when you are done.. I dont understand that logic, but I am not sure what it is.

    Have you talked with her about it more than just telling her she looks wonderful? My girlfriend and I spoke about it because it was bothering me and it got better for awhile but shortly thereafter it fell back into the same rut?
     
  3. LuvHerHunnyPot

    LuvHerHunnyPot New Member

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    Here's my personal, albeit severely limited, experience with my wife. Granted this is one specific success story but the way in which it succeeded is not a bad way for a every man to treat a woman.

    After dating for nearly 4 months and growing quite close as friends, my girlfriend (now wife of 5 years) and I began having sex. Right away she was unusually self conscious. She would always cover the entire upper half of her body with a pillow during sex, she would not make a single sound or move her body in any way, we would only have sex missionary. And the first time she was on top she immediately started to cry and rolled off.

    Now I was and still are very respectful, loving and always a gentleman with her. So her doing these things was of great concern to me. Picking a neutral time, when the closeness was being felt by us both, I gently broached the subject. Without hesitation she confessed that all of the things were being done because the sex was so amazingly wonderful (her words, not mine) that she honestly did not know how to react. So she took the easiest way out and didn't react. Immature? Yes. But this gem among gems of a woman and her never ending devotion to the one that she's with, was taken advantage of and exploited by previous BOYfriends. I was the first MAN to treat her like a queen, worship the ground she walked on and the feet she walked on it with. All without ever having had sex yet.

    I know a mess right? Okay, still with me?

    Fast forward 5 years and I know have the most confident, sexified, adventurous, try anything once (everything thus far has been loved and repeated. and we've done A LOT), cock loving, cum loving, anal loving, dirty talking, dirty thinking...I could go on and on but I won't. My apologies if too graphic.

    My point you ask? How did we do it? The secret to turning even the most insecure, personal issue-ridden woman into your own personal porn star? Or even better than a porn star because it's real and only for you?

    Duh duh dun...

    Don't just TELL her how beautiful she is to you, MAKE her feel like she is the most beautiful woman in the world to you. Telling is easy, especially when the issue is in the bedroom. But to make the long term commitment to always be making the effort to treat her like a lady. Opening doors for her, looking her in the eyes and telling her one thing that you love about her at least once a day, cook her dinner every so often, clean house so she doesn't have to, if she has to get up off the couch or out of bed to get something at least offer to get it for her, call her at work to see how her day is going...you get the jist of it I hope. The key here is to NEVER stop treating her like this. She has to have complete trust in your motivation for the sudden change. You genuinely have to be treating her this way because that's what you feel she deserves. You want to take care of and care for the woman you are with. Don't be a manipulative, selfish jackass and only be doing it to get her to be more freaky in the bedroom. Because that's just wrong and cruel.

    Now she's feeling loved, feel cared for and enjoying the things you are doing for, now start taking baby steps towards her seeing that you view her to be the most beautiful and sexy woman in the world to you. One example would be when she's taking a shower, simply peak in with a smile on your face, give her a look up and down, then before making your quick exit you smile even wider because you are delighted with what you see. Another example would be as she watching tv or reading a book, walk over to her and hold her head in your hands and gently kiss her forehead, look her in the eyes, smile and walk away. Others would be letting her catch you checking her out from across the room, or if your out and she sees another woman enter the room and looks to you to see if you're checking out the girl and she sees you staring right back at her instead. Point taken?

    And here's the clincher! Well it was with my wife at least. When you get the opportunity to go down on her, that is all you do. Go down on her, hopefully until she orgasms and then crawl up beside her and hold her. No sex, unless she wants it of course. The point here is to not only be taking care of her with simple things, to not only be doing things to make her feels beautiful and sexy but to be completely 100% selfLESS in the bedroom. It was unconditionally, without expectation ABOUT HER. You only went down on her FOR HER.

    Now if you're truly committed and it’s for the right reasons, you'll be able to come up with things in all three areas that custom fit your relationship.

    BOTTOM LINE…make everything about them. It may not be but with a few little things here and there she will hopefully start to feel like it is.

    Take care of your ladies fellas. Chances are you’ll be the first and hopefully you will be handsomely rewarded as such.

    Just my 2 pesos for what it's worth. Who knows I may be completely off my rocker.

    PEACE!
     
  4. HardRocker

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    Good work, LHHP. Sounds like your ongoing project is a success!
     
  5. LuvHerHunnyPot

    LuvHerHunnyPot New Member

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    Thank you HR.

    I would like to add that I can only offer this advice because it just happened that way. I did not have a master plan to get this girl to be who I wanted her to be by step 1, step 2 and step 3...EVIL LAUGH!!!

    Nope not at all. I simply asked my wife one day to give some thought to her opening up sexually and how she was able to do it. And she replied a few days later with pretty much what I outlined above.

    Matter of fact some of the examples I gave are exact ones that she mentioned. She especially liked the kiss on the forehead and going down on her and then holding her. I might add that she requested that it was nice once but I had better "fuck" her after going down her.

    I LUV HER HUNNY POT!!!
     
  6. Juzjon

    Juzjon New Member

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    It was the opposite for me. I was the self conscious one. When I met my love she felt totally secure about nudity. She would shower and then simply walk around the house doing this and then that and never even seeming to care that she had no clothes on. Of course that was just great by me. On the other hand, it took me at least five years to strut around like she does and I am still a bit uneasy about it. At night, she prefers the lights on so she can visualize what is happening. We went on a vacation to St. Barts in the Caribbean and rented a private villa on the beach. Both men and women were walking up and down the beach nude. She wanted to do that but I was reluctant. I did make a 90 mph naked run at the ocean though and got greeted with a smashing wave. It left me spread eagle butt naked on the wet sand and people were laughing at me. So, I'll enjoy my new found nudism inside my own home only.
     
  7. HardRocker

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    I hope she was laughing at you too, Juz.:lol
     
  8. Juzjon

    Juzjon New Member

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    HR, She still laughs about it because I looked so silly lying there on the sand.
     
  9. crosewood

    crosewood New Member

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    your gf's just 20 and i think it's natural for young women to feel some (if not a lot) of insecurities. what with all the crap the media is feeding us about what's beautiful and what's not?! just give her time, i think :)


     
  10. daisy135

    daisy135 New Member

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    Heya, i can fully relate to your girlfriend. I too have been with my boyfriend for two years, and we have actually stopped having sex because of how insecure i feel!

    Trust me, your not the problem. No matter how many times you tell her shes beautiful, if she doesn't feel that herself it probaly wont help too much, Unfortunately i have no solution im still trying to work it out myself?
     
  11. Dreama

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    LHHP, that was a great post, I have to say. What person wouldn't feel beautiful and loved if you did those things for them, man or woman?