Maybe? Just Maybe?

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by Jayce, Jun 19, 2006.

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  1. Jayce

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    Well, the dry spell still hasn't subsided between my girlfriend and I. It's nearing about 5 months, and we've been together for several years and have done anything + everything together and feel completely comfortable with one another. I really really absolutely hate to plan things, but something just came into my mind. My girlfriend has the house to herself for a while and she asked me to spend the night. I know by the way she asked me it wasn't some seductive ooo I get to rip your clothes off for once type of things. However she joked around about me sleeping on the couch downstairs, and I said well then why even bother staying? She joked saying well, we'll figure out that when you get here.

    It was mostly due to her being away at college and me being so busy with work that originally caused our intimacy to die down a bit, but in the end I think she got kind of "meh" with it too. You see, you have to understand my girlfriend... She is the type of person that will say she doesn't like any kind of sexual attention, I guess because she isn't the type to freely talk about it offhand, but once you get her going, you can't get her to stop! And since it's been a while, it's been harder to get her going, plus with interruptions and other folks in the house whenever the opportunity arose... it just, blah...

    But like I said, I hate planning these things, but I'm sorry I can't help but to hope that her and I may re-engage in some lost wallowing that her and I once shared. Of course, I won't repeat the few past mistakes I had and end up asking her or continuously jokingly push on the subject. I mean after all, what's the rush? I'm spending the night. :brow

    I'm trying not to think about it though. I mean, I absolutely love her dearly, but this dry spell has really put a burden on me, a lot more than I thought. It has just felt like a part of us kind of died out. If I keep getting my hopes up about it, and then nothing happens, I'll only be disappointed. So I'm trying to just be like "Yeah okay we'll watch a movie, we'll go to bed, and get up for work in the morning and that's it." But, STILL... :( Then on the other hand, it is guaranteed we won't have any interruptions, which has been the death of previous situations. :brow
     
  2. pirouette

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    Need more information, Jayce. What "killed it" on other occassions when you didn't have any interruptions? Was it the stress of finally being alone????
     
  3. Jayce

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    I think majority of the time it was interruptions. When I'd be at her college and we'd be alone, her roommate would be there. The weekends when her roommate was gone, she was on her period (when she has absolutely zero sexual drive). The weekends that she was home, she would only be home for a day (maybe 10 hours) and we'd spend that at the movies or at dinner, so alone time never really crossed our minds.

    To be honest, I think we just missed being together so much that when we were together, we weren't so driven to be in bed together. I mean it would of been nice, but sometimes looking across a dinner table to see your smiling girlfriend is more romantic than cranking her in the bed to get your last drill in before she goes back to college.

    Then I think because we were intimately apart for a while, that when we did have alone time together, it wasn't such a huge drive to get in the sack.

    I just don't know sometimes. I think she goes through phases, almost like seasons. Every now and then, she'll go for a few weeks (even months) where she has zero desire to do anything, then other times she gets so horny that we'll do it 10 times a week.

    I know for a fact she doesn't masturbate either, which may come as a surprise to you but she's told me many times she just can't do to herself what I can do to her, so she'd rather wait and have it be worlds better than stress herself out over not being able to please herself. Impatient? Yeah, she definitely is. You'd think that her not masturbating would "boil it up" some more, causing her drive to be stronger, but I guess all women are different.

    I'm not asking for much. I'm not trying to be a pervert. It's just sometimes I miss the intimate times we had together. It just feels weird having something so perfect, then it vanishing. Meh. We'll see what happens.
     
  4. pirouette

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    Sounds like there are a variety of different factors interfering with your sex life. Terrible to hear, but it just sounds like "life". When I worked 70 or more hours a week, sex was the last thing on my mind. When we had a chunk of free time, we had loads of sex. Also, not having your own place (apartment, house, whatever) can really hamper things. There's a tremendous freedom in having your own pad. No one coming home unexpectedly, live by your own schedule. I suspect that if you and your gf are together for a long time, these times of sexual despair may iron themselves out. Once college is over and you've settled into some kind of schedule, things might get easier. We can only hope! :) Privacy and free time really helped us! Hope things get better.
     
  5. Jayce

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    Then she confuses me with comments like this. She told me she wasn't so sure if she wanted me to spend the night. She said that I can definitely stay there pretty late but wasn't sure if she wanted me to stay. I was like, um, why? You told me numerous times I was staying and now you tell me you're not sure... and she said "Well, I just thought you were expecting it or something."

    :(

    I ended up compromising with her, and told her I'd much rather make the drive to her house with intentions to stay instead of staying late, having to turn around to go home, and still having to get up in the morning for work.

    I think she's just a little weird about sex, yet. You see, her and I had intercourse a few months ago and we both agreed yeah okay it was great but let's tone it down and just stick to using our hands to do the magic or oral, mostly because we wanted as minimal of a chance of any slipups as possible. Then when she watched her friend give birth (she was literally right there) she was so turned off/scared by sex in general that I guess she just is shy, or even scared about it now. I think in her mind, when she thinks about us being together + intimacy, that she automatically thinks I'm after intercourse... which is actually the last thing on my mind, and I've explained this to her numerous times.

    But, oh well. I'm spending the night there tonight. We'll see if any magic happens, but if not, meh. :(
     
  6. bluenavigator

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    It sounds like being friends more than anything else. Questions come to mind. Is something bother her? Is she looking into something different but afraid to discuss it with you? Is she having trouble finding her true identify? Does she look at you more as her brother? Is she waiting for you to propose? Is she afraid of commitment? Is she afraid that she would change if something happened to her? If she think that you are after her for sex, maybe she is having trust issues. Is the communication an issue - not talking for long time then finally get together?

    Why does she want you to sleep on the couch - it is a sign that something is really bother her.

    There is a saying - "If you love the dog, you can let it go. It will come back to you if the dog loves you." Same idea with the ladies and vice versa.

    I am not saying to end the relationship abruptly. Just talk and see where it goes.
     
  7. Jayce

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    I actually talked to her about this about 2 weeks ago. Then after the conversation, I started thinking, and ended up calling her back. I told her I hate to do this now but if things are going this way and stay this way, then we're just gonna have to take a break and go our separate ways for a while. She insisted that everything was okay and she was just very stressed out with work and her summer college course is kicking her ass and she has no free time for herself, etc. She just kept telling me that she needs "me time." Which I understand, ever since she started college she grew much more independent, but still... that doesn't make sense as to why she'd ask her loyal boyfriend of 4 and a half years to sleep on the couch.

    Another thing struck me earlier. I was expecting her to call so I skipped a shower, then I got no call. I called her to make sure she was okay and she said she forgot she had to pick up the text book for her new summer class that started this week, and she had trouble finding the bookstore (it's confusing as hell to find since they don't like to spend the money to put up a few signs). So anyway, I said okay fine, I was gonna get a shower but I noticed the time and skipped it since I thought you'd be here soon. She insisted over and over that I get a shower now. I said, what? Who cares? I'll get a shower at some point whether it's later tonight at the house or 3 days from now. So, not only did she joke about me staying on the couch, but she also seemed uncomfortable with the fact that I'd be taking a shower in the same household as her.

    Yeah, we're definitely going to have a talk tonight. I know she's been faithful to me, but I'm just scared to see if something else is bothering her that's effecting our relationship. But we'll talk, and go from there.
     
  8. pirouette

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    well?

    How did it go? Did you talk to her about it? ???
     
  9. Jayce

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    Ah I didn't post a follow up. Well, we talked a little bit about it that night, but we were so deadbeat tired that we ended up not doing anything. I had so much trouble sleeping though. I was being a little playful and told her that my normal sleeping attire is nothing, she just laughed and was like fine, fine. So I did just that, slept in my normal sleeping attire of, well... nothing.

    When morning rolled around, I looked over and noticed that her shirt had ridden the entire way up her chest (she was laying on her chest) exposing her back completely. I gave her a back rub, but then she ended up rolling over as I was still rubbing her back, so I just continued rubbing. :brow

    Use your imagination how the rest of the morning went. :brow :brow :brow :brow
     
  10. pirouette

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    Oh my! You have the magic touch, it would seem. Good for you! Hope it becomes a habit.:)
     
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