May be hard to believe

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by goodshyfellow, Jul 11, 2013.

  1. goodshyfellow

    goodshyfellow New Member

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    Have not been with a woman in over 10 years. 40ish male, mildly obese, bad social anxiety, under-employed, well-educated. 100% straight, too.

    Opinions?
     
  2. Mittimer

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    What kind of opinions are you looking for? You haven't given us much to go off of. Who's fault is it that you haven't had sex? Do you not date? I understand social-anxiety but that is something you will have to work on greatly if you plan to meet people. You make yourself seem...off putting, if you understand what I mean. You say eloquently that you're an older, heavy set, shitty job but smart guy. Your sexuality has nothing to do with anything so I'm not quite sure where that one came from. I would try talking more positive about yourself rather then putting forward your "short comings".

    Why the long gap between the last person you slept with? Was it a one night stand or a relationship? Was it a marriage?
     
  3. lbushwalker

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    Ten years is a long stretch.....anywhere.
     
  4. acemike

    acemike Member

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    I have been married for 13 years and haven't had sex for 12 years, 11 months and 29 days. It is normal...
     
  5. minskminx

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    That's nearly twice as long as me!
     
  6. goodshyfellow

    goodshyfellow New Member

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    @Mittimer: Thanks for your generous response. As for opinions I was looking for, I think I was communicating a combination of dignified venting out and a feeble request for help. I more conservative than most on here, I surmise. I can't attract a good woman for a traditional courtship right now. The social anxiety probably come from traumas, bullying (not by peers), and a mild temperament. The last relationship years ago was a booty call type thing.

    @acemike: I heard of marriages that are never consummated.
     
  7. funjen

    funjen New Member

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    You really need to work on developing your social skills first. Its always gonna be hard to have sex if you don't get out there.
     
  8. goodshyfellow

    goodshyfellow New Member

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    Social skills are not rocket science. The problem with me is social anxiety.
     
  9. funjen

    funjen New Member

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    Sorry I didn't mean to belittle the problem. Just trying to help.
     
  10. kipro150

    kipro150 Member

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    finding someone online would be my recommendation. more likely to find someone who understands/has similar issues. Not everyone is an outgoing party go-er
     
  11. backcheck64

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    add alcohol, shake....then bake. I have no idea how you do it. I get pissy as hell after 10 days, 10 weeks and I'd be on a murder rampage. I had a hard time making it through the 3 weeks after the kids were born...yes it was supposed to be longer but neither of us could go any longer.
     
  12. goodshyfellow

    goodshyfellow New Member

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    Sorry if I sounded edgy. Thanks for responding.
     
  13. goodshyfellow

    goodshyfellow New Member

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    Any sites especially good? Thanks.
     
  14. LadyChristina

    LadyChristina Banned

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    I think if you make effort to overcome the social anxiety and meet women, this could change. I know anxiety isn't easy to live with but the more you test your boundaries the more comfortable you will feel in the long run. Have you seen a doctor or therapist? Do you feel comfortable approaching women and conversing with them? I would pull my hair out way before 10 years was up!
     
  15. spector

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    I can sort of relate. I'm not exactly sure how long its been for me, 3 or 4 years I think. I'm in my early 40's, single, no kids and think I'm slightly above average looking. I'm athletic-looking as I work out several times a week, although my hair is very thin on top. I think my problem the fact I've always been quiet and never did like social situations with lots of people. I tried going to a bar a couple times and hated it as I really didn't know how to approach anyone to start a conversation. I'm thinking of trying it again, but at this point I'm almost getting too "mature" to try to pick up the college girls which make up most of the clientele. I've also been trying some of the dating sites with no success in the past couple years. I don't know what the deal is to even get a response once in awhile (at least from someone I find attractive). One other problem is my work schedule as I work 3rd and don't really get a chance to go out when people are out much. Any advice?
     
  16. goodshyfellow

    goodshyfellow New Member

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    Social anxiety won't go away. Maybe I need to try harder.
     
  17. goodshyfellow

    goodshyfellow New Member

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    For me, techniques for approaching someone is the easy part. My problem is social anxiety.

    As far as the mainstream dating sites like match.com, I read women are frequently bombarded with notes from guys, so that could be why you're having trouble getting responses.

    Maybe we should try a site like adultfriendfinders. I never did and don't know whether it is bogus or not.
     
  18. spector

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    I'm not sure if adultfriendfinders is legit or not? I've been using the free sites like POF, Datehookup, ect. for a few years with only an occasional response, but nothing leading to dates recently. A couple months ago I got a "message" from a cute looking lady on Zoosk so I signed up so I could contact her and wouldn't you know it she disappeared. No better luck on there than the free sites. I recently found Doulike and a couple attractive ladies said they "liked" me, but you have to join to contact them. I'm wondering if this site is a scam too and if the women are real to take a chance of joining for a month or two?
     
  19. JD_Phoenix

    JD_Phoenix New Member

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    While I'm not in the same situation, I have battled with panic and anxiety (separation, anticipatory, generalized at varying times in life) my entire life, so I can understand the challenges. I'll also add that my wife struggles with social anxiety in specific situations, as well as one of my best friends. Very familiar with it.

    I'm not sure if going "searching" with the intent of a romantic/sexual relationship is the best idea only because it likely adds extra pressure to the relationship and your anxiety. Do you have any hobbies or interests where you could meet a girl casually? And maybe you become fast friends, then become comfortable around her, and take it from there. Just an idea out of many.

    The online idea isn't a bad one, but I don't really know what places are best.
     
  20. amale

    amale New Member

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    what is sex like ?