Masturbation Euphemisms:

Discussion in 'General Sex Discussion' started by melicious, Jul 9, 2007.

  1. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
    Gold Member

    Jul 9, 2006
    Likes Received:
    (taken from: http://www. /comedy/link. asp?site=8681)

    Accosting the Oscar Meyer
    Addressing Mr. Palmer
    Appropriate the means
    Arm aroebics
    Backstroke Roulette
    Battling the purple-helmeted warrior
    Bash the bishop
    Bash the Candle
    Beat off
    Beat Pete
    Beat the bologna
    Beat the bishop
    Beat the butter
    Beat the dummy
    Beat the meat
    Beat the stick
    Beat your meat like it owes you money
    Bequeath your genes
    Bleed the lizard
    Bleed the weed
    Bloating the vein
    Blow your load
    Bludgeon the beefsteak
    Bob the hog
    Bombing the German helmut
    Bop the baloney
    Box the Jesuit
    Boxin' the Bozak
    Boxin the Ballsack
    Break one off
    Break you off at the wrist
    Buck the bone
    Buff the banana
    Buff the mushroom
    Buff the wood
    Burp the baldman
    Burp the worm
    Bust a nut
    Butter the corn
    Caulk the tile
    Charge the rod
    Charm the serpent/snake
    Check the oil
    Chipping wood
    Choke the chicken
    Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come
    Chong your schlong
    Churning butter
    Clean your pipes
    Clean your rifle
    Closing the deal
    Come into your own
    Conking the Cardinal
    Converse with Harry Palm
    Crab tease
    Crack off a batch
    Cracking off
    Cracking the bat
    Crank the shank
    Cream the cheeze
    Cream your corn
    Cream your jeans
    Creamed beef
    Create an arch
    Crown the king
    Cuff the carrot
    Culture the American Blood Sausage
    Date Palmala Handerson
    Date Rosy palm and her 5 sisters
    Diddling the dinky
    Dilly with the willy
    Dinging the dong
    Discipline your soldier
    Discussing Uganda
    Disobey the Pope
    Doin' the Hand Jive
    Donkey Spank
    Dra en handtralla
    Drain Charles Dickens
    Drain the monster
    Dry-firing your musket
    Dunking the dolphin
    Dusting the old trophy
    Educating Peter
    Empty the cannon
    Encapsulate your probe
    Erupting Vesuvius
    Evicting the testicular squatters
    Exercise your rights
    Express yourself
    Facha la manuela
    Feed the ducks
    Feed the fist
    Fidget with your digit
    Fight the Champ
    Firing off a round
    Firing the flesh musket
    Fire the hand cannon
    Fire the Surgeon General
    Fire the wobbly warhead
    Fist fuck
    Fist kebabing
    Fist of fury
    Fist your mister
    Five against one
    Five finger discount
    Five knuckle shuffle
    Flick the dick
    Flog the bishop
    Flog the dog
    Flog the hog
    Flog the infidel
    Flog your dong
    Floggin' the Dolphin
    Floggin' the log
    Floppin' beef
    Flub the Dub
    Flute solo
    Fondle the fig
    Free Willy
    Free the slaves
    Friendly Fire
    Frothinghands' mate, Fistina
    Gallop the antelope
    Getting comfortable
    Getting in touch with your inner-self
    Give it a tug
    Givin' Yul Brenner a high-five
    Glaze the clay
    Glaze the donut
    Go a couple rounds with the champ
    Go back to the wig-wam and beat the tom-tom
    Go to war with yourself
    Going out with Mother Thumb and her four daughters
    Grab the flab
    Grab the slab
    Grease the Goofy
    Grease the pipe
    Grip the tip
    Gripping Flipper
    Hack the hog
    Hack off
    Hand job
    Hand to gland combat
    Hand work
    Have it off
    Having a whack attack
    Having a staff meeting
    Helping the python shed its skin
    Herkin the Gherkin
    Hit on Rosy Palm
    Hitchhike under the big top
    Hump the horn
    Hump your hose
    Hold the bold
    Hold the mayo
    Ignite the Lightsaber
    Infiltrate your crabs
    Innoculate the newborn
    Jack off
    Jack the corn
    Jack the sack
    Jack the joystick
    Jack your Jizz
    Jack your monkey
    Jack yourself
    Jack'n the beanstalk
    Jam the joystick
    Jerk the Gherkin
    Jerk the Turk
    Jerk your rope
    Jerkin' the noodle
    Jerkin' the wheel
    Jiggling the dice
    Juice your fruit
    Kill the Pope
    Knock on wood
    Knuckle shuffle on the old piss pump
    Launching the Tadpoles
    Lightening the load
    Lighting the candle
    Little pinky hit the slinky
    Loading the cannon
    Lope the mule
    Lube the cord
  2. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
    Gold Member

    Jul 9, 2006
    Likes Received:
    Make the bald man puke
    Make silly with the willy
    Making a six-fist
    Making duck butter
    Making oyster soup
    Manipulate the mango
    Mannin' the Cannon
    Manual override
    Manually assisted wet dream
    Massage the fireman's neck
    Massage the one-eyed monk
    Maximize your potency
    Meet Mrs. Palmer and her five daughters
    Meet your right-hand man
    Messin' with Moby
    Milk the lizard
    Milk the maggot
    Mix up a batch
    Mount a corporal and a four
    Murder the Bishop
    Mustard on the burger
    Nerk your throbber
    Oil the glove
    Onan's olympics
    One-eye target practice
    One-man show
    One off the wrist
    Oscillating the Oscar Meyer
    Pack your palm
    Packaging the ol' sausage
    Paddle the pickle
    Paint the pickle
    Paint the ceiling
    Passing math
    Pat the Robertson
    Peeling the chile
    Perm your poodle
    Petting the snake
    Petting the Wookie
    Phone the czar
    Pitch a knuckle ball
    Play with your Willy Wanker
    Playing the fiddle
    Playing the flesh trombone
    Playin' the hairy banjo
    Playing the man-flute
    Playing the pink oboe
    Playing a solo on your meat whistle
    Playing soapy Peter
    Playing with the pink Power Ranger
    Playing with your 6th finger
    Playing with your big Alien
    Playing Yahtzee
    Please your pisser
    Pluckin' your chicken
    Plunk your twanger
    Pocket pinball
    Pocket pool
    Pocket the rocket
    Polish the bayonet
    Polish the bishop
    Polish the knob
    Polish the log
    Polish the Oscar
    Polish the pole
    Polish the rocket
    Polish the shooter
    Polish the sword
    Polish the Viper
    Polish your antlers
    Polish your helmet
    Polish your horn
    Polishing Charlie Brown
    Polishing Percy
    Popping the zit
    Portuguese Pump
    Pound off
    Pound the bobo
    Pound the pelican
    Pound the pudding
    Pound your flounder
    Pound your pud
    Pow-wow with the one-eyed Redskin
    Practice the Heimlich Maneuver
    Prime the womb cannon
    Puff the one-eyed dragon
    Pull off
    Pull one out
    Pull the ducks neck
    Pull the root
    Pull the pole
    Pull the pope
    Pull your pud
    Pull the pudding
    Pull your prick
    Pulling a solo session
    Pulling on Peter
    Pulling the goalie
    Pummel the love truncheon
    Pump the monkey
    Pump the python
    Pumping gas at the self-service island
    Punching the clown
    Punchin' the Munchkin'
    Punching your puppet
    Punish the Harlequin
    Punish the penguin
    Raise the flag
    Rake your meat
    Ram the ham
    Ravage the innocent
    Read 'em his rights
    Rewinding your tape
    Ride the great white knuckler
    Ringing for the elevator
    Rolfing the piglet
    Rob the knob
    Rollig the dice
    Rolling your quarters
    Rope the goat
    Rope the pony
    Rough up the suspect
    Rub off
    Rub one out
    Rub the tub
    Rub your head
    Run a batch
    Running Peter through two-a-days
    Running the whack-a-thon
    Sailors' joy
    Salute the sailor
    Sanding the banister
    Schplitzing your schmeckel
    Shake the snake
    Shake the weasel
    Shakin' hands with little Elvis
    Shakin' hands with Mr. Winkie
    Shakin' hands with the unemployed
    Shakin' your hands at the sky
    Shakin' your own maracas
    Shifting gears
    Shine the barrel
    Shine the hose
    Shine your pole
    Shoe shine
    Shoot your squirt
    Shoot your wak
    Shooting the shark
    Shooting putty at the moon
    Shuffle the deck
    Sifting through the nest to find mama bird
    Single dingles
    Siphoning off the tank
    Slakin' the bacon
    Slammin' the salmon
    Slam the ham
    Slam the hammer
    Slam the salomi
    Slam the spam
    Slap your head
    Slappin' Pappy
    Slappin' the Cap'n
    Slapping the clown
    Slapping the salomi
    Slaying the one-eyed monster
    Sling the jelly
    Slog the log
    Smacking the sausage
    Snap the carrot
    Snap the radish
    Snap the rubber
    Snap the whip
    Snuggle the nozzle
    Soldier's toy
    Solo spit
    Spackling the ceiling
    Spam Wham
    Spank the carrot
    Spank the frank
    Spank the hangdown
    Spank the monkey
    Spank the tank
    Spank the wank
    Spank your little boy
    Spinning the record
    Spit one off
    Spit the seeds
    Spit-shining the boots
    Splat the cat
    Sprayin' the spectators
    Sprinklin' the lawn
    Squeeze the cheese
    Squeeze the lemon
    Squeezing the cream filling from the twinkie
    Squeezing the Creamy Filter
    Squeezing the squid
    Squirt one off
    Squirtin' Burton
    Straddle your paddle
    Strangle the dangle
    Stroking it
    Stroking Steven
    Stroking the Scooby
    Stroking the schlong
    Stroke off
    Stroke the dog
    Stroke the goat
    Stroke your ego
    Stroke your poker
    Stroke the purple-nosed gusset ferret
    Stroke the trumpet
    Stroke your wookie
    Strokem your scrotum
    Stuck in left field
    Suffocate the organ
    Surfing on the Milky Highway
    Taffy pulling contest
    Taffy tugger
    Take a beating
    Take a load off your mind
    Take a ride on the mean spanking machine
    Take matters into your own hands
    Take ol' stiff neck to the movies
    Take yourself in hand
    Tame the bald headed mouse
    Tame the monster
    Tame the shrew
    Teach your dog to spit
    Teach Yule Brenner some respect
    Tease the weenie
    Tenderize the meat
    Test the flashlight
    The tube of cream
    Thropping your marrow
    Throw the ball around
    Throw out
    Thump the pump
    Tickle your pickle
    Torment the Trouser Trout
    Torquing the wrench
    Toss off
    Tossing the ham javelin
    Train the Love Porpoise
    Trying to pull something off
    Tug o' war with ol' Cyclops
    Tugging the tapioca tube
    Tuning the fork
    Turn the knob
    Tweak your twiddle
    Twirl the squirrel
    Twist your turnip
    Twistin' the Piston
    Unleash the fury
    Unloading passengers from the five-car train
    Unsheathing the pork sword
    Vaccinate the baby
    Varnish the flagpole
    Visiting Rosy Palm and her five daughters
    Wack the weasel
    Walk the dog
    Walking old one-eye
    Wank the crank
    Wanking one-eyed Willy
    Wanking the one-eyed wonder worm
    Wanking the scube
    Warming up the altar boys' dinner
    Washing the goose's neck
    Washing the hog
    Wasting babies
    Wave the wand
    Wax the bean
    Wax the board
    Wax the Buick
    Wax the candle stick
    Wax the carrot
    Wax the dolphin
    Wax the musket
    Wax the womb broom
    Wax your surfboard
    Whack off
    Whack on your back
    Whack little Mac
    Whack the pud
    Whack the yak
    Whack your Magic Johnson
    Whip off
    Whip the dummy
    Whip the wire
    Whip your dripper
    Whippin' the mule
    Whippin' the pony
    Whippin' the weasel
    Whipping Dripping
    Whipping your Skippy
    Whipping your Willy
    Whizzin' Jizzum
    Whittling Dixie
    Winding the Wurlitzer
    Wonk your conker
    Work off
    Workin' the Jerkin
    Wrestle the eel
    Wrestle the bald-headed champion
    Wrestle with Cyclops
    Wring out your rope
    Wringin' the towel
    Wringin' out the tube steak
    Yang your wang
    Yank off
    Yank the crank
    Yank the plank
    Yank the yam
    Yank the Yoda (Do or do not; there is no try.)
    Yank your strap
    Yank your wank
    Yankee your Wankee
    Yuckin' your choad
  3. bighiker2003

    bighiker2003 Banned

    Jan 27, 2004
    Likes Received:
    Northern Indiana
    Mel i can't believe you would forget.

    Visiting the 4 sisters on thumbs creek.

  4. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
    Gold Member

    Jul 9, 2006
    Likes Received:
    Damn. Cuz I typed all those you know. LOL. All from this perty l'il head. Teehee.
  5. KynniB

    KynniB New Member

    Jul 7, 2007
    Likes Received:
    Color me impressed.
  6. On_Top

    On_Top New Member

    Dec 23, 2006
    Likes Received:
    Disobey the pope made me laugh lol
  7. Redspades

    Redspades New Member

    Jul 4, 2007
    Likes Received:
    Shuffle the deck.. not bad :p
  8. peta pumkin

    peta pumkin New Member

    Jul 6, 2007
    Likes Received:
    East sydney
    Melicious, grow up or go back to your school locker room!
  9. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
    Gold Member

    Feb 8, 2005
    Likes Received:
    Dixie Land
    "Making the Bald Man Puke" - I really loved that one!! :penisdance
  10. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
    Gold Member

    Jul 9, 2006
    Likes Received:
    'Scuse me?
  11. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
    Gold Member

    Apr 19, 2006
    Likes Received:
    I love this one:
    Warming up the altar boys' dinner
  12. liklicn

    liklicn New Member

    Apr 4, 2007
    Likes Received:
    Shaking hands with the unemployed sums it all up.