Married with no sex =(

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by misspsiphi, Jan 10, 2011.

  1. misspsiphi

    misspsiphi New Member

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    To whoever is reading,
    I know it has been i while i have been super busy but i thought i would go ahead and sign back on and vent because you all are great listeners.

    So since my husband and i have been married for a year and a half at the beginning of that year i was 145lbs and he thought that i was to skinny i am 5'6'' so that is a healthy weight for me. anyways when i was that weight we had a healthy sex life and relationship all together. But like most couples i got comfortable and gained alot of weight im now 210lbs and he doesnt seem to look at me the same and we don't have sex but once a month... i feel that it is because of my weight gain, however he say that he doesn't care about that weight that he still loves me. He also told me that he will tell me if i have taken it to far. I love my husband and he isnt your average man that loves the porn star look hes more interested on whats on the inside and your brain. But i cant help but feel that he would love me more if i was thinner...


    Thanks to all who listened

    ~DJ PsiPhi's Girl <3
     
  2. kdive92

    kdive92 New Member

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    If your husband really loves you, he just wants you to be happy. Now if you would be happy losing weight, then he would probably support it. But once again, there is more to a relationship then sex and I'm sure if he is how you described him, then he doesnt care about your looks more than you do. It's probably something is bothering him and you should talk it out with him. hope everything works out.
     
  3. Kermit

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    Is he the one who initiates sex or you? If it's just about the sex and you're waiting on him, why don't you try making the first move. Is this the only thing going on? You might be overlooking other issues as well, perhaps with him.
     
  4. Marcpatrick

    Marcpatrick New Member

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    What's causing you to gain weight? Sometimes it's not only the weight itself that is the problem but the 'lifestyle' associated with it. One of my ex-girlfriends put on a lot of weight by overeating on junk food and never walking/cycling anywhere, prefering to take the car for even the most shortest of journeys.
    That, in addition to her miserable outlook on the world, made her so unattractive to me that I left her for a younger and more healthy girl.

    I'm happy to say that me and my ex are still good friends and she lost 30lbs and is back to doing modelling work.

    I hate to say it but men are usually into looks. It might make us shallow, but when a woman starts neglecting her appearance, our eyes do tend to wander.
     
  5. hard2bgood

    hard2bgood New Member

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    Sex is one thing, but your health is another and that's simply not a healthy weight for a woman of 5' 6"
    Think bigger picture!
    Hope it works out.
     
  6. htoad

    htoad Active Member

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    How much has your sexual attitude (and your general outlook on life) changed along with your weight gain? When my Bunnie gained weight (about the same net gain as you), her attitude changed affected me much more than her body. She still wanted sex, but was depressed, in a dark mood, did not move much during sex, wanted to hide her body from me, stopped dressing sexy for me, etc. She also developed type 2 diabetes, which affected her outlook as well. All of that made me very concerned, and it impacted our sex life. I do not know if this is your situation. All I can say is once the attitude issues were addressed (well before she started losing weight), our sex life got back on track the way we wanted it.
     
  7. backcheck64

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    That is quite a bit of weight in a short period of time. My wife, 5'5" was around 135 from the time we started dating till she got pregnant with our first kid, about 14 yrs. After two kids in 20 months, and the altered lifestyle that goes with kids, she got up to close to 200. Yes, as you're husband, I still loved her, but a lot of the physical attraction was gone. Though I never would or did cheat, I did find my self looking at other women and it lowered my desire for my wife. Now I never thought my wife was too thin at her original weight, though. I never said anything to her, all of her family are quite large so I had resigned myself to it. After a few smaller health issues, and a couple of large health issues for her mother and sister, she decided to get healthy. I bought her all the excerciese equipment she wanted. Over about a year and a half, she dropped 72 lbs with an ultrahealthy diet and intense exercise. She continued to tighten and tone, added yoga and free weights and dropped a few more pounds, but gained muscle. She is now 45 and rocking a size 1 body that 20yr olds would kill for. I never stopped loving her, but now the attraction is back 10 fold. She looks and feels 10 yrs younger. We're back to doing everything together, cycling, hiking, skiing, golf, etc... and our marriage is stronger than ever....and sex 2 to 4 times a week (depending on the kids schedules) is back. Now this is how it panned out for us, I can't speak to what you'll encounter. Good luck.
     
  8. misspsiphi

    misspsiphi New Member

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    So thanks to all for your great incite.

    I talked to my husband this morning about just making a healthy life style change for my whole family. Im ready to be tiny again and i think we should be teaching my daughter a healthier life style as well. so he agreed and we are going to get a membership to a gym and im going to change what i make for dinner lucky for me the medication that my doctor has put me on will actually help me lose weight.

    So wish me luck i hope to be back down to my 145 by the end of the summer so that is 65lbs in 7 months! I think i can do it!

    ~DJ PsiPhi's Girl~
     
  9. CruelTease

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    Good for you sweetheart, and good luck!
     
  10. backcheck64

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    Sure you can do it.

    We thought about a gym membership, but it's much easier to get the equipment and build a home gym. You don't have to leave the house, more flexablity on times, etc. You can find a ton of hardly used equipment on craigslist or the newspaper. My wife wore out her fist treadmill, found one that listed for $1200 for $75. Got a bike trainer to use with our regular bikes for $60, list $240. We watched clearances on elipticals, got one that was $2400 when we first looked at it for $495 in clearance. Free weights are cheap. My kids come home from school and take a quick break, then hop on one of them, we don't have to be home to take them to the gym then. My wife works out at 4am....our gyms aren't even open, plus no hastle of driving there and back. Just an idea.
    We cycle a lot, get a GOOD bike, not a Walmart special-there is a huge difference between good bikes and discount crap, and find a local greenway or rail trail. We ride from out city to a various towns up the trail, usually 20 to 76 miles depending on what is going on later that day. Eating though is the big thing, 80% of weight loss is diet. The only time we eat out is on hockey road trips. We havent eatten out in our city in a year and a half. Good luck.
     
  11. misspsiphi

    misspsiphi New Member

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    I would love having my own equipment however I live in an apartment and we have no room for that stuff and there is a 24hr fitness right up the road once we get our house imma make a home gym but until then imma stick to a membership thanks so much tho
     
  12. backcheck64

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    My wife is the administrator of a medically supervised weight loss program so if you have any questions....

    I can see where a home gym wouldn't work in an appartment. Our sunporch is now an exercise room. My wife likes to watch the wildlife run around the yard as she walks on the treadmill (if you can call 5 miles an hour walking). It was a good thing she was out there one day, three teenagers were climbing the fence with towels to get in our pool...little bastards. Kids came home today and went jogging around the subdivision.... good thing, my daughter has a hockey tournament this weekend...5 games in two days and possibly another Monday. My son has three games next weekend.
     
  13. DarkJewel

    DarkJewel New Member

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    I'll let ya know
    Uh,no offense,but this can apply to men as well.
    I know ALOT of guys who drink too much beer and let themselves go too.
    It is just as unattractive to us women.
    Personally I don't mind a little extra weight though,but not showering or shaving and stuff is just as bad.

    For the OP...have you tried ALLI? It is a weight loss pill that blocks some of the fat you ingest in each meal.With an increase in exercise and cutting back on calories,it can help you lose weight without killing yourself.

    Maybe what is really going on is that you are less confident with the weight you gained and you project that onto your husband.Men like confident women,so if you lose some of the weight and feel better about yourself,perhaps things will change.
     
  14. htoad

    htoad Active Member

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    You can start exercising on the cheap by just doing more walking. My wife started on walking at least and hour a day with some friends. As you get more consistent and disciplined you can start adding equipment if you have room. I have seen too many folks get exercise equipment and rarely use them (tag sales have become great places to pick them up on the cheap).

    Also, watching what you eat is important, with that rapid weight gain you are at risk for type 2 diabetes. My wife when to a nutritionist and got a good food plan that she strictly follows. She even takes her calorie book to when we eat out to look up info and ask questions about the food preparation. You learn that you can still eat anything, but not all in the same quantity and/or frequency. Also, a good support system is important. Bunnie attends Overeaters Anonymous meetings and that has been a huge help, as overeating many times has nothing to do with food itself, but more to do with using food as a coping mechanism for other issues in ones life.
     
  15. backcheck64

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    I agree with the guys need to keep themselves up too. I cycle, skate, ski, lift, etc. Takes me two months to go through a case of beer.

    As far as ALLI, it's crap and dangerous. Ask any reputable doctor with experience in weight loss and diabetes. It blocks more than calories and has other not pleasant side effects. Watching caloric intake and regular exercise is what does it safely. Find somewhere where you can get an RMR (resting metoboic rate) done. This measures the calories you're body burns at rest, basicly to maintain you're current status. Take this number and eat 500 caloires less. You will safely drop the weight. As far as exercise, combine cardio with strength. Cardio works only while you're doing it, strenght training lasts for 12 to 24 hrs depending on intensity.
     
  16. backcheck64

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    They've found that by using a pedometer can increased walking by 27%. The target is 10K steps a day. We gave my parents pedometers and they've greatly incresed their activities. I don't use one, but I move all day along as a contractor, but my wife rings up 14K to 19K a day. One thing you can do is park further out on parking lots at stores, take the stairs as opposed to elevators/escalators. And while yes you can eat, well most things, you will learn to adapt your eating to avoid high cal high fat items. It's a lifestyle change.