Married life

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Frank84, Jun 5, 2013.

  1. Frank84

    Frank84 Member

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    Ok want to get other people's opinions on married life or mates they know who are married.

    I've been married for 2 years and lately done nothing but argue and getting a little concerned now. I love my wife and very happy we have a daughter too. but is the arguing a faze that married couples go through or more.

    We seem to argue over little things like what to watch on tv, who's grandparents are babysitting this week and money.

    I wondered if other couples had a faze of arguments early in there married life and how they got over them and move on. We talk a lot but still end up arguing
     
  2. redics_girl

    redics_girl Active Member

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    redic and i went through several months were we argued and fought and ignored each other. do something before someone gets hurt (and I don't mean physically). take a vacation, even if its just a weekend, and reconnect and remember why you guys got married.
     
  3. coastghost

    coastghost New Member

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    Being married you will argue you will talk and you will make up, welcome to married life that is what will make you closer , people that don't will not learn about truly the other person is, i hope this helps
     
  4. backcheck64

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    Married 25yrs, together 30, and never had that problem. We did have a discussion on which color the Acura was going to be, and one where to go on vacation, but that's about it.
     
  5. lbushwalker

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    F84, you need to discuss this issue with your partner because otherwise it will never get better.
    After a while of such behaviour it becomes the norm and although it may take years but eventually it will destroy your marriage.
    Both of you need to come to some consensus on give and take so as not to sweat the small stuff.
     
  6. coastghost

    coastghost New Member

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    Lord I would hate to know i had the same opinion as my wife that is not a marriage that is one having domination over the other people disagree that is a marriage
     
  7. sanaxx

    sanaxx New Member

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    discuss it with her, there may be something more to it. we found that when we were fighting all the time it was more because one or the other had a deeper issue that we didn't want to bring up.

    we've been married 20 yrs this year. and it's had it's ups and downs, for sure! but we learned that we have to talk talk talk... and each person is entitled to their opinion or feelings on the matter. sometimes you just have to agree to disagree and move on too.

    good luck.
     
  8. justaniceguy

    justaniceguy Member

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    been married 4 years and with wife for 18 years, love her to bits, tho 2 years into being married is when trouble started between us, not too bad now, but to make it work you have to have opinions and speak your mind with each other and not bottle them up, and try not to get too heated tho you will at times, its natural I think....Many marriages seem to break up over silly things and some folk just think taking the easy way out by leaving that person is the fix....No, ok in some circumstances if you really are argueing all the time, may seeing a councilor etc, that is if you really want a marriage to work....In the old days they just got on with it,
     
  9. Itouchtomuch

    Itouchtomuch New Member

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    My wife and I have been together for almost 19 years, married 18. It hasn't been all perfect, I don't believe any couple together that long will get along perfectly all the time, no matter what they say. We actually split up after four years for a short period over stupid issues. They were big issues, but stupid nonetheless and they don't even matter now. My wife threw me out of the house a few times over the years, but I never made it past the front door. Don't let the little things eat away at you, and talk talk talk.
     
  10. Metalgirl

    Metalgirl New Member

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    We've been married almost 10 years, and rarely ever argue. We did the most arguing when we were dating as teenagers. Bickering over small things is never really about the small things. Hubby and I don't have an official standard for bringing up issues, but we don't confront each other immediately after work, or while we're trying to have fun together. Don't generalize. (You always do this/ never do that). Also, we spend time apart because our schedules aren't the same. Maybe you're together too much?
     
  11. Frank84

    Frank84 Member

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    We do have a holiday booked later on in year so hopping a grandparent will have our daughter so we can reconnect and sort it out
     
  12. acemike

    acemike Member

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    One of my nephews got married last weekend...The reception was full of smiles and laughter. I told another nephew to remember the happy faces because it all goes down hill from there.
     
  13. boobjob

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    If you believe , as I do' that things that we work hardest for have the most value, then a good marriage must be something you work at. Take the advice of those who have ideas on reconnecting. It will make your love stronger.

    No athlete gets stronger without practice and hard work. If you work now, you will be stronger when life really challenges you with things like the death of a loved one or the loss of a home to natural disaster. Streeses like these can be difficult for the closest of couples and devasting for those who do not know how to disagree. Good luck. You can make it if you try.
     
  14. Sunnygirl2008

    Sunnygirl2008 New Member

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    Hi Frank84,

    I believe if you love each other, you can make your marriage work. We've been married for 8 years in 3 weeks (02.07.13).

    I know all couples are different. It took me about 5 years to work out my H's true personality and the way he ticks and what to expect in certain (stressful) situations.

    We don't argue because I DON'T let it happen :). I agree with you that arguments CAN distroy even the happiest at the beginning marriage. It's ok to discuss things even in a heated way. There are some good rules what NOT to do when you disagree and I follow them:

    1) NO name calling, always talk with respect

    2) Don't bring other issues. Discuss one thing (you are not happy about) at a time, otherwise you'll fall into a negative circle and see things only from the negative point of view.

    3) Concentrate what positive things your wife/husband has got, concentrate on them and trully APPRECIATE them

    4) Don't argue in bed (bedroom). It's your private space for happy memories, passionate love making and good sleep. Keep the bedroom energy free from emotional burden.

    5) Establish the reasons of your arguments: money, house work, holidays, relatives, diciplining your child etc Once you know what triggers your arguments you'll know how to prevent them or make the important conversations smoother

    6) When you address the problem, say how it makes you feel. Ex: 'It makes me feel sad/frustrated/annoyed ... Please could I ask you not to do it any more or do it (the way you'd like to ask)

    As for building relations, making marriage work, looking after your relations, we try to do the following:

    1) Romantic breaks - holidays, a night/weekend(s) away, cards, flowers, little even not expensive presents sometimes. Showing a bit of attention, that's what matters

    2) Ideally Always try begrateful, in real life try to express your love and appreciation - compliments, humour, praise, positive feedback.

    3) Regular good quality sex (if it's important for both of you)

    4)Always plan/have something to look forward to

    5)Have a few commont interests together that can unite you and bring a bit of variety onto your life

    I am sure other people can add a few of their own tips

    Good luck x
     
    #14 Sunnygirl2008, Jun 7, 2013
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2013
  15. rileyjane

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    I have been married a little over 20 years marriage is not always easy.. There are great times and not so great times..for us the arguing ior disagreements seem to be over petty stupid stuff.. It always helps to get away without eachother for a weekend, and when you get back you both realize how petty it was...lots of peaks and valleys in marriage..
     
  16. anotherguy

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    Hey, I've been married for just on 4yrs we don't have any children yet but are trying for some. We have fights over the stupidest crap at times, like some of the stuff you mentioned in your original post. We both love each other and never go to bed angry at each other, I think it's just something that happens.
     
  17. almostthere

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    Married 22 and with her 32 years. The sex is getting boring. I would love to try single (sex) life again
     
  18. htoad

    htoad Active Member

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    Bunnie and I have been married almost 30 years and we get along fine. We dated long enough to see each other in a range of moods and situations, so we knew what to expect before marrying - it was not perfect, but it certainly helped. We have learned to work through arguments by focusing on the topic and not extrapolating beyond that. Many times we found that arguments were the symptom of an underlying root cause. Compromise in marriage is not a bad word. Counseling also helped.

    From a sexual perspective that has not been an issue, sex is still as exciting as ever because we are both eager to please the other.

    With kids the biggest lesson we learned was to present a united front to them or else it is easy to get into arguments over them..
     
  19. FacelessGirl

    FacelessGirl New Member

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    I want to marry my girlfriend some day. I know married life will be hard, but life in general is hard.
     
  20. Trond

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    There's been quite a bit of arguing with my wife lately. Our recent move to LA triggered a few arguments. It's just the stress, hard choices and all, so it comes and goes. We have our ways to resolve things though. We usually don't stay angry for long.