Separate names with a comma.
Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by whybother, Jan 11, 2016.
Have at it, anti marriage folks. Here is your place to bash marriage.
you cant have a good marriage without a bad marriage....
oh I've been chomping at the bit for this one...I think marriage is... neutral..what's bad is the monotheistic influences that really narrow the definition of a marriage, especially when it comes to sexuality and fidelity. Patriarchy tends to make marriage bad as well. And we can't forget about internalized misogyny.
It has it's place primarily to protect offsprings from abandonment but been there and done that and never going there again!
I must admit feeling some pitty each time I see another guy getting stitched and willingly going to his fate with a stupid grin on his dial.
Kind of like buying a race horse or sailing boat, great thrills for a while until the true costs are revealed
I don't think you can label it good or bad. Just because it's something I want for my own life doesn't mean it's good for another person. To each his own.
Anyone contemplating marriage should sit down and write down the pros and cons but really answer the fundamental question; why?
Is it for the future kids? +
Is it for security? Then double question the reason.
Is it for right of passage: a ceremony that almost everyone does, the perfect romance? Like a cut flower that will fade soon enough and all that at enormous expense.
Is it to lock in or "capture" your mate?
Then right there is a red flag waving furiously.
Is it for legal reasons such as acquisition of passport or identity then that is sound business.
Whatever the reasons be sure that they add up truly positive!
I urge all those who wish to travel that well worn road to do so with eyes wide open and not blindly filled with unrealistic dreams.
You've left out getting married due to a deep love and bond that leads to a desire to spend the rest of ones life together.
I am not sure. I don't think marriage is necessary. I wish I hadn't got married.
I don't know if I would do it again. I always thought I wouldn't, but if it was important to my partner maybe.
I have to say, at least from my perspective, good. Been married 28 yrs and we are as passionate as we were when we got married. We waited 9 yrs before kids, did a lot of stuff before we settled down to have kids. We were stable and could offer the kids more attention and let them participate in more activities while not stressing our relationship. Son's in college, daughter has one more year before she goes to college, and my wife and I are planning on going back to traveling a lot. I'm happy being married to the right woman. We share interests, exercise together, though she does a lot more than I do, we like traveling, experiencing new things, have the same goals and political views, and virtually same sex drive. If something happened to her, I doubt I'd remarry, I'd never find someone so perfectly matched and cares about her health and call me shallow, looks.
I think people these days, especially young, dont realize that marriage is work. They think its all rainbows and butterflys. Sometimes there will be disagreements and arguments and you have to work through it
I've never felt I've had to work at our marriage. Very, very few disagreements, and we usually resolve them in minutes. I want to by this 81 280Z, she didn't say no, she said she'd like me to clear a few things out before taking on a project car....so I'm getting rid of the stuff. There was no NO. It's called compromise and it saves a lot of fights.
Picking and choosing your battles. I hear ya
That part does not necessitate anything legal.
Sadly, some institutional things about marriage can be a problem. The boyfriend and I have enough of a difference in our national origin and our churches to make problems with our families and the churches where we would get married. I would like a wedding in a church, but we'll probably just go to the county courthouse someday. I don't know.
You are right. We could just form a corporation and share our finances that way. Our children could be employees of the corporation.
I joke but marriage has real legal implications. For a start,
If you aren't married, you better make sure you have a will because otherwise, your SO won't be able to keep any assets that aren't in both names. That includes recovery from a wrongful death lawsuit if you die in an accident.
What about health insurance? There are others.
In the 33, almost 34 yrs we've been together, we've never had what I'd call a battle. Difference of opinion, yes, never resulted in a battle. If you've got battles in your relationship, you're in the wrong relationship.
She was my first piece at 15. Married at 18. She was pregnant within the year. Everything pointed to a short marriage. I mean, who knows who they are, much less their partner at 18? Fortunately, she turned out to be an amazing woman, mother and wife. I, on the other hand turned out to be a cheating, unemployed pot head. How does she handle all that? By also being understanding, forgiving, tolerant and very well paid. I'd have left me years ago. 36 years in June.
There are a ton of issues like the one's you've mentioned, including being able to pull the plug in a worst case condition. You also enjoy lower auto insurance. There are huge implications if kids are involved. We had a family in our hockey club that until their second child, were living together, but after problems and stigmas with school and frankly some in the hockey club, they got married. I'm not for the religious part of marriage as we are atheist, but the legal area is were it's important, especially if kids are involved.