Marital Compromises for W Headache

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Logger, Feb 24, 2004.

  1. Logger

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    So when the wife has a headache, and not interested in full particpation, what compromises can be reached, that can provide some relief to the husband, but with minimal impinging on the wife?

    How do you make a marriage work more often? What emotional blocks can come up? What are some steps to overcoming blocking emotions? What type of participation can the wife provide, that are of minimal discomfort to her, in times when her enthusiam is lacking?

    When there are important, unresolved disagreements, what types of approaches can be used to put aside the problems for long enough for foreplay, stroking and climaxing and after glow?

    When a big oppositional impulse arises, what are the magic words to cause the oppostion to melt for the moment? :sex
     
    #1 Logger, Feb 24, 2004
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2004
  2. farspark

    farspark New Member

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    Sometimes waiting (or having a quite wank somewhere) is the best solution.

    Suggesting sex as a solution to arguments can have really negative consequences, particular if you partner is not in the least horny at that point in time.
     
  3. Da_Vamp

    Da_Vamp New Member

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    In my first marriage, I made a million excuses to keep from having sex. I was very young and very stupid for staying with a man that treated me the way that he did!

    Now in my second marriage, I have NEVER and I mean NEVER said no to anything my husband wanted to do. I could be dying with the flu, but if he wanted sex, then he gets it!
    I am a FIRM believer that if you take care of your man at home he doesn't stray! (that goes for women too).
    Just my $.02 worth!!
    Vampie
     
  4. Logger

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    For the last 6 or 8 months, I have been viewing marital forums and reading marriage books, trying to treat my wife better. I have been avidoing self-gratification, so as to be ready for my wife. I can compromise with slithering some convenient place in my wife's crevices, with baby oil, and minimally impacting my wife. My wife seems to not mind my getting off by slithering in her crevices after she is sleeping, and she seems to feel loved by the concpet upon waking up, but the timing of her sleeping does not match my waking up time.

    But now, I am feeling like my schedule of productivity is more important. I find that if I squirt when waking up in the morning, I have better productivity through the day. So I am just thinking of not worrying about being overly ready for my wife. Many women are happy with once in three weeks. My wife does not accomodate my ideas, and I find it discouraging talking to her. So I am considering entering a selfish stage. My wife can let me know when she is ready for love, and I give her feeling-out aproaches occasionally, so she does not hve to be the initiator. So I need to realize the good and bad points of the marriage that I have, and make it work for me. I had been trying to build it into something more. Maybe by backing off, my wife will become intgersted in improved accommodations for each other. So that is my phrasing, to my wife, "How can we better accommodate each others ideas and our differences in opinions?"

    My wife used to have a more accomodating schedule up until about 4 months ago, then she changed her schedule to better coincide with her mother's ideas. Perhaps a phrase for that, "Have you let your mother know that your changing your scheducle for her ideas, is cutting into the workability of the marriage"

    My basic philosophy is that for every problem, there is a phraseology that can be put togehter to define the problem, and lead toward a solution. It is the complaining partner's responsibility to come up with a phrase leading to improving things.
     
  5. KoenigNazgul

    KoenigNazgul New Member

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    ouch. Shouldn't your wife care a little bit more about your opinions over such topics than her mothers? After all, she is married to you, not to her mother. Sounds like you have putting effort into the compatability issues, maybe it would be helpful if your wife was willing to give up some of her beliefs as well. Good luck with your quest Logger, where there's a will, there's a way.
     
  6. Da_Vamp

    Da_Vamp New Member

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    I agree with that, KoenigNazgul. But! Yes there's always a but, maybe we're not hearing the entire story...Like what exactly do you mean changing her schedules? Sleeping Patterns? etc...Maybe if we knew more, we could figure this out a bit better.

    logger, when the wifey has a headache, just take care of yourself. That's what I'd do...being a woman myself, I think that if my hubby just took care of himself I'd get a bit jealous and WANT to participate more...

    Just my opinion,
    Vampie
     
  7. Logger

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    Some people enjoy conflict more than harmony. I have been studying the oppostional vs. cooperative response scale. While I am going to study furhter, and I may be wrong, it seems to me that my wife more enjoys conflict than harmonoy.

    Perhaps I am misunderstanding my wife, but I am intersted in developing more harmony, and less disagreements, and less disaagreeable discussions. I would like to see a trend toward increased harmony. I am aslo looking for things that I am doing that are triggering discussions that are less than accommodating.

    Perhaps my wife, or I, could change some of our habits, and come up with more harmonious results. I hesitate to get into the details of specifics, as the issue for me is not being right or wrong, on this issue or that issue; but rather toward achieving the overall result of a symphony of harmony. :toast