[Ask a Girl] Male Virgin: Mentally experienced but not physically

Discussion in 'Ask a Guy/Girl' started by Evil_goodguy, Aug 23, 2010.

  1. Evil_goodguy

    Evil_goodguy New Member

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    Sooo I'm kind of a virgin at 22, fucked up right? But I'm not the typical shy or unattractive kind, I'm actually pretty good looking and pretty fun to be around. I had a bit of a phobia of pregnancy and STDs for awhile combined with a lack of any type of emotional connection with the girls I was with, so stuck with lots o' oral. Anyhow I'm a fucking published erotica writer with heaps of sexual book knowledge and a actively pursue intellectual conversations about sex, so yeah don't come off as a virgin. I' really don't know how to bring it up to a girl I may want to have sex with. I mean I typically attract (and am attracted to) girls who like sex and have done it quite a bit, not the goodie goodie type. Mentioning I'm a virgin with my personality type really just comes off as hypocritical and weird. I'm thinking of just doing it without saying anything because I'm fairly confident I am the best virgin at sex ever, even though that may be like saying I'm the best blind baseball player. Any advice on how to treat this situation?
     
  2. Mittimer

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    First off, don't be so cocky. That's your first step.
    Second, don't be so hostile at the fact that you're 22 and a virgin. There isn't anything wrong with that.
    Third and final, you don't have to let anyone know you're a virgin that you're sleeping with. It's really not that important. That's something that you talk about if you WANT to or when the question of sexual history gets brought up.


    Welcome to SF by the way..
     
  3. Evil_goodguy

    Evil_goodguy New Member

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    Bleh see always get mixed messages with this thing. I can either be confident and be too cocky and therefore cause mass disappointment when the time comes or I can be a shy guy and get no where with girls. I prefer the former personally, just because it makes me feel better about myself at least.
     
  4. Barbwire

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    Nope, not unless you are comparing yourself to other people and that's quite silly when it comes to sex, I think.



    Interesting. Where have you been fucking published?

     
  5. Mittimer

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    You want to know what I think your issue is? You're over thinking it.
    Sex is sex. If your having it just to lose it, it's going to be shitty and awkward. If you're having it with someone you actually love and care for, then it can be something better.

    You come off as far too cocky in GENERAL to me because you boast about being a "fucking published erotica writer" but still being a virgin. Your writing? Has zero to do with you losing your virginity. It was a choice you made when you were younger due to paranoia if I read correctly. Don't bitch and moan over a choice you made. You are 22 years old, a kid virtually. I know at 21, I sure as hell haven't quite grown up yet. You have years ahead of you to have meaningless sex with whoever you want.

    I don't like how you say being overly cocky makes you feel better about yourself? I know I for one and I'm sure a good number of other women can agree that having someone that's too boastful or cocky is just irritating and a huge turn off.

    Why is sex so important to you? Like we've told another member on here, you're going to be terribly disappointment once you do have it if you keep going on about it this way. It's not like you see it in porn, or in erotic novels. You have to make it that way. Book knowledge does not equal actual knowledge of sex. You will be confused, you'll screw up, you'll go too hard or too fast or some random thing your first time. It gets better with practice. Any man on this forum will say the same thing. (Pretty sure at least) that their first time, no matter how many books they read or porn's they watched was just down right confusing and full of blunders.
     
  6. HardRocker

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    Right about the blunders; as many as I could pack into the whole 30 seconds of my first time.:lol She was also a virgin, so that made two of us blind leading the blind.
     
  7. johnson8386

    johnson8386 New Member

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    agreed....my first 3 times were terrible. It was with the same person, it was just weird in general. after 5,6,10 times things improved so much. it was fun and rewarding learning the ropes of sex....its like learning to ride abike without training wheels..you may fall off a few times but once you get it you never forget how.
     
  8. Dragon_Fire

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    I still have the occasion blunders at my age.
     
  9. cbrmale

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    Actually, virgin at 22 can cause psychological problems later in life, so your opening statement is quite correct. The point of no return is age 21.

    As far as virginity goes, I never mentioned it, even though my partner was a dozen or more years older. Sex in the first instance, especially with an experienced woman, isn't that hard.

    I'm a writer myself, with published romantic and erotic stories. Has zero to do with anything other than I have an imagination and I'm good enough with English. One of my characters was shot in the head, another raped, but that doesn't make me a murdering rapist. So don't get carried away.
     
  10. Barbwire

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    OK, I have to call you on that one. Where did you get that information? Got a link to share, please?
     
  11. Barbwire

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    Ok, so, after doing my own research I think that maybe cbrmale's statements aren't quite the bullshit they seem to be.

    By examining the data of a study done in 1996, it appears that some people who lose their virginity later in life DO experience sexual dysfunction. The thing is, the studies are unclear if the losing of virginity late in life causes sexual dysfunction or sexual dysfunction causes someone to lose their virginity at a later age. It's kinda like the what came first the chicken or the egg question.

    I still couldn't find evidence to support cbrmale's claim that 21 is the point of no return. Also, the study that was done on the late bloomers also concluded that people that started sex at an EARLY age were more likely to suffer from sexual dysfunction.

    Here's one of the places I got my info.

    Losing Virginity Later Linked to Sexual Problems - ABC News
     
    #11 Barbwire, Aug 24, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2010
  12. Mittimer

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    I think that's bullshit really.

    Correlation is not always causation
     
  13. Barbwire

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    That's probably why there are a lot of "seems", "appears", and "mays" when the study is discussed in the article.
     
  14. Evil_goodguy

    Evil_goodguy New Member

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    I read that study. However I think the sexual problems that are caused are because the majority of older virgins either have some sort of mental problems with sex or have some kind of physical problems. Virginity is the symptom of these problems, not the cause. I do not fall into either category so I think I'm good. But yeah I did read that which makes me think I should just do it because it would be healthier for me just to get it over with with the next person I can find.

    Btw I didn't mean to sound cocky by saying I got published on an erotica site, I was just trying to emphasize I'm not a sexually closed minded person. I guess I should not have mentioned it. I just think overall most guys are virgins because they are not confident or think of sex as a dirty horrible thing and I do not feel like I quite fit into that category you know? I try to have a sense of humor about it so I don't take a very solemn tone when discussing it. I mean I just have seen so many posts where the guys just goes on and on about how ugly and stupid he is and how he'll never get laid. Well that attitude is what got you there, so I try to stay upbeat and positive, not sure why that's a bad thing to some people. Maybe I will suck at sex but I need to compose a strategy to either do it with several different girls and never talk to them again or try to do it with a girlfriend whose ok with it. The former is the more urgent strategy and if I'm convinced I should get on the ball I'll just start hitting on all the girls I see until it happens, I'd prefer not to do it that way but if I'm going to end up a eunuch or something because I didn't have more sex in my 20's well I need to force it a bit.

    Anyhow, my problem with the girlfriend option is, how the hell do you tell somebody you like that you're a virgin? Especially my type of girl who enjoys sex. Why would she want to screw a guy who is going to be a moron in bed? I'm more than willing to learn and practice but girls don't want that, I'M supposed to be the experienced one and I'M supposed to be taking lead not her. Plus she'll also think that I'm going to like want to marry her or something because she was my first time. I don't mind it but pretty sure most girls will so sometimes I think I'm better off not saying anything. Ugh don't know, could use some help but hey I'll figure it out one way or another.
     
    #14 Evil_goodguy, Aug 24, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2010
  15. HardRocker

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    I agree with you that being upbeat and positive is a good plan, however I disagree with the idea of having sex just to get it over with. If you have a job, friends,, hobbies, and a social life, you WILL meet someone you are really attracted to and that reciprocates those feelings. There isn't anything wrong with not having experienced that yet. So you're a late bloomer, no big deal. But if you don't have those things, I believe you need to persue them more than you need to persue immediate sex.
    Just my $.02.
     
  16. Evil_goodguy

    Evil_goodguy New Member

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    Well if I do have an emotional problem it's that I don't fall in love, ever. I barely even fall in "like". I mean most girls I look at and while I am attracted to her body parts and maybe even her personality, I never say "Hey I would love this girl to be MY girl" at most it's a friends with benefits relationship, which really I'm no longer interested in. I go out allot but I really never meet anyone I am interested in, I'm picky about it I guess. I've waited this long I figure I should do it with a girl I actually like. I'm fairly good at talking with girls but I'm not great at beginning conversations, you know the whole pick up deal. That is one area where I do have a bit of social anxiety. Part of it is I'm not interested enough in anyone to go up and talk to them or the situation isn't appropriate to just go up and hit on a girl. I've been going to bars/clubs allot and while I talk casually to women, I don't see much coming from it all. College seems to be my best bet and unfortunately this is my last semester.
     
  17. HardRocker

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    I never could pick up chicks either. At work and at play is a much better place to meet a good woman. Unfortunately, sometimes they do seem few and far between. Wish I could offer a better idea.
     
  18. Evil_goodguy

    Evil_goodguy New Member

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    Well *sigh* I feel like a tool but how do YOU pick up women? I mean don't get me wrong I've had a few but it's always been the same scenario. I sit next to her in crap 101 and I start some boring chit chat about how dumb the class is or something and then go from there. All the girls I have gotten sober are that one scenario and I'm pretty much a one trick pony. I'm lost outside the classroom.
     
  19. HardRocker

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    Well, I've never actually picked up a woman. Once my friend picked up two at the lake one summer day when we were in high school. He called me up and when I showed up we made a summer out of it.:lol That was my first girlfriend, and eventually my first sex. I never had another real gf, though over the next few years I did get lucky here and there, and then found one of the marrying kind at work. That was nearly 30 years ago. I sometimes dream that if I could go back and fuck and fuck and fuck it would be fun. But that would screw up a successful time line.
     
  20. Mittimer

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    Some people just don't seem to understand that sex isn't as meaningless to some of us as it is to them.

    Having sex with with random people just to get over it or having sex with as many people as possible without ever speaking to them again just to get experience is absolute bullshit in my opinion.


    Just don't try so hard.

    At the risk of sounding horribly cliche'

    Good things come to those who wait
     
    #20 Mittimer, Aug 24, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2010