Making my BF dominate?

Discussion in 'Sexual Fetishes and Fantasies' started by Slutgirl, Jan 6, 2008.

  1. Slutgirl

    Slutgirl New Member

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    I have a bit of a problem.

    I'm really into being submissive. My greatest fantasy is to be nothing but a sex slave. A few days ago I told this to my bf (we've been together for more than a year now, and we really love each other) and we acted out my fantasy. But during the entire time he was very tense and would never really get into it. Afterwards he said that it just felt wrong treating me like that (wich I thought was kinda cute) and I havent dared to ask him again. I've done it with guys before him, and I really miss doing it.

    Does any of you guys have some ideas on how to make this less scary for my bf?
     
  2. brittany1158

    brittany1158 New Member

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    I'm interesting in seeing the replies to this...I enjoy this type of thing to but my boyfriend reacts the same way. He's into it, but not THAT into it.
     
  3. Green Eyes

    Green Eyes New Member

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    I can't offer any advice on this, but I am the same way I love being controlled in the bedroom. I have had some guys that it just comes naturally with and other guys that seem to be too shy for this kind of thing.
     
  4. Dreama

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    Perhaps you should have a talk with your SO, hun. Reiterate to him that you really like it, and that he isn't doing anything wrong. I think sometimes, people might have an issue, because they wonder what if they did something and you got angry later? Make sure he knows you won't do that.
     
  5. Slutgirl

    Slutgirl New Member

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    I did explain to him just how far I would like to go, but he said that he couldn't think of me in that way, that he loves me too much.
     
  6. doreigirl

    doreigirl New Member

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    Give it time. My BF started out as Mr. Mom & Apple Pie and now he is my master in the bedroom. (We don't extend the master/slave relationship outside of the bedroom). Let him know that some girls like it rough, and you happen to be one of those girls. You're just wired that way. Next time, talk him through it. Coach him through it with things like: :Tie me up, or spank me, spank me harder, I want it rougher, or come on...I know you can do it...

    He'll get use to the idea once he knows he really isn't hurting you.
     
  7. Joe

    Joe
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    Could you, just for the sake of education, reverse the rolls that you desire? Make it a roll-playing game. If he experiences you treating him the way you want to be treated, he might feel it's okay to treat you that way too.

    I'm like your BF. I just can't bring myself to treat a woman with apparent disrespect. When I see videos of such behavior it really bothers me. But if my wife wanted to roll-play and be the master, I might get into it, and then it would be much easier to reverse the rolls. I'd know how far she wanted me to go and know that it was just a game she enjoyed.
     
  8. Barbwire

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    Good luck with that. I am the same was as you and I've been trying to get my husband, who I have been with for over a decade, take a more aggressive role. It's not happening, nope, not at all. :(

    Either they have it in them, or they don't.

    Oh, btw, I'm not talking about wanting him to be disrespectful, just play the tough guy once in a while.
     
  9. Halogen

    Halogen New Member

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    I recently started dealing with this issue. So far, it's been a successful venture. We made a core list of what's okay and what's not. I think when your partner knows where the boundaries are, he'll feel more comfortable.
     
  10. AnonymousOne

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    Something like this requires a bit of delicacy. You shouldn't just go running into things like this. I recommend you take it in steps. Rushing into something this adventurous might make him feel incredibly uncomfortable. Take steps to get to where you want to go instead of hopping on the express elevator.
     
  11. Dreama

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    Good advice, A1. I forget that sometimes with my SO in more parts of our relationship than sexually. It's generally good advice.
     
  12. Barbwire

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    I have mixed feelings about this whole thread because of the word, "making" in the title. You can't "make" anyone do anything....well, maybe you can, but they are going to resent you for it.

    A lot of times guys come here trying to get advice on getting their SO's to have anal or do facials or whatever, even after the SO has said they don't want to. The members here jump on guys like that and "shame shame" them into silence.

    The way I see this issue, its pretty much the same. If the man isn't into it and has told you as much, then don't push it.

    The fact that he tried it once, didn't like it and told you that should be your cue to just drop the subject.
     
  13. justerce79

    justerce79 New Member

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    Yeah, from a man's point of view, I have very few things off limits in the bedroom, but for whatever reason, I dont like to dominate a woman. I just feel like I am doing something wrong and cannot get into it.
     
  14. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

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    My wife has a similar fantasy of domination and like your boyfriend I am uncomfortable with it. A part of it has to do with societal conditioning which means men are to treat women as equals and not as objects. Another part is domination is probably something he is not interested in doing. Speaking from experience it is something like wanting a threesome. Some people will do a threesome and others will heavily object to even mentioning the idea. The whole BDSM spectrum which includes Domination is very similar. I will do it for my wife but if someone asked me was I into domination I would say no.

    My two suggestions that might help include show him some BDSM porn where domination is the overall theme and see if you can keep it as 'mainstream' as possible. It might help him see that there is another side to domination and it is not all people in leather :) Another suggestion I can think of includes trying to introduce the idea another way. You mentioned that former boyfriends have done this with you and if you have mentioned this to your current boyfriend it may make him more reluctant to try it.

    Finally my 'gut' instinct on this is telling me that he is probably not into this. For you will it means either you accept this eventuality or try find a way to introduce a compromise.
     
  15. MikeDog

    MikeDog New Member

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    I not a BDSM expert if that's what we are talking here. If possible find out which part is making him tense? Is it simply the leadership role he has to assume in bed or something else? Is it too much too soon for him? Maybe to start out by having him just be more generally aggressive in bed and then work into more advanced areas over time.

    Women are equals outside the bedroom but for the ones who enjoy leadership/control during sex the guy needs to step things up in the bedroom. It's perfectly fine for her to be in charge in every other room and give up control in the bedroom. One of these sex book guys, David Shade sells some books on the web about the male dominate/leadership dynamic during sex. It's more general male leadership and doesn't cross into BDSM if I remember it correctly. He covers more of the general male leadership mindset.
     
  16. ninja08hippie

    ninja08hippie Official SF Hugger
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    Have him tie you up and blindfold you. He may be just as submissive, but it will seem more passionate since you can't see what's coming.
     
  17. Slutgirl

    Slutgirl New Member

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    I think it's the leadership he has a problem with, but the iggest issue for him is the fact that I want to be humiliated. It might work if I took the dominate role first to show him how I want it in order for him to get over it, I guess I'll have to ask him.
     
  18. Bluesy

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    Some people simply don't have a BDSM steak in them. Being assertive, taking charge in the bedroom, these are things that generally come with time and experience; a person has to build up their sexual confidence before they can really let their inhibitions go. But what you're talking about, humiliation...I'm assuming that you want to be used and abused in the "sex slave" sense...you can't ask someone to breach their moral boundaries to satisfy your desires. For one thing, it's sexually unethical. For another, it's disrespectful to your lover. And if you continue to push the issue, you're going to create a sense of inadequacy and resentment in him. People need to know that they're appreciated for the qualities/ideals/expressions of love and physical intimacy that they bring to a relationship. Whenever you discover that you really aren't happy with some intrinsic trait, personality quirk, habit, sexual limitation, etc., the person with the problem is you; and the person responsible for resolving the problem is you--not them. It's not right to ask people to change for your benefit. It's controlling and manipulative, and the opposite of what a loving partner should be.

    If you really feel you need this sexual element in a relationship to be happy, you should devote some time to contemplating whether or not you've run up against a wall in your relationship, or a "deal breaker". It may simply be that the two of you are sexually incompatible, and you may need to explicitly seek out a potential mate who is into the same lifestyle.
     
  19. AnonymousOne

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    Wow ... that sounds REALLY REALLY kinky and all sorts of wrong...

    I mean what qualifies a good cut of steak to be BDSM worthy ANYWAY? is this like a new FDA approved kind of meat?!
     
  20. Bluesy

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    *tries to gather together some righteously indignant righteous indignation in between giggles...fails miserably* :lol You didn't know that the FDA was responsible for rating BDSM-quality meat? *tsk* You learn something new every day, huh? (Actually, having a BDSM-quality tube steak in you would be a "grade A" experience :brow)