Make love or have sex ?

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Tuffty, Apr 15, 2012.

  1. Tuffty

    Tuffty New Member

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    My wife always wants to make love (which is fine most of the time) , but sometimes i just want to just have sex for the hell of it ?

    My wife seems to sense this and tells me she wants to make love , i have found this more frustrating over recent months. I do understand what she is saying but i don't think i'm being unreasonable in wanting to fuck just for the hell of it sometimes infact i think it's nice that after 26 years of marridge i still want to just have her for the hell of it but maybe i'm wrong maybe i'm being a typical shallow minded male !! .......and to make things worse there is a female at work showing interest and my wicked side is thinking impure thoughts !!! .... What do you guys suggest ?
     
  2. 12barblues

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    first and foremost....DON''T CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE. once you do, your life will never be the same. if youve always been an honest man....you no longer will be. it's something you just cant take back once its done....either work it out and stay, or leave her, but dont lie and cheat on her.

    as far as the sex vs. fucking thing,? that's the age old problem you know...women have been taught their entire lives that being sexually promiscuous, or slutty, is wrong and just cant let go,even in the bedroom after their married. I believe, and this is just MY opinion, that most women want to be "taken" sexually by their man. and in their minds may fantasize about exactly that, but to bring that to reality makes them feel like a slut or something, and they think its wrong. so your goal here is to find a way to show your woman that its ok to be your slut in the bedroom and that you'll still love her, respect her and treat her like the wonderful wife she is, outside the bedroom...It's a difficult task, and it may not be possible for some. I'm lucky in that i have that now with the woman im with. She's strong enough and confident enought to let me dominate in the bedroom, but she knows that she's 100% my equal outside the bedroom...But my ex however, never could do that....an example?...after spending several days putting hardwood floors in the house, when it was all done we were sitting there and i said "you know what i wanna do now?..i wanna throw you down and fuck you across this hardwood floor..."...her response.."that's a little raunchy, im your wife, ...remember?"...Here's the interesting part, after our breakup, she said "yeah, i said that, but i was secretly hoping you'd just do it"....this is the conflict , and somehow we, as couples have to navigate through the confusion...

    i know i didnt really offer any solution here because im not really sure what the answer is.....but best of luck in working it out my friend....
     
  3. RideNaked

    RideNaked New Member

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    i agree with 12bb on the cheating thing. If you've never been there, don't do it. I also agree that for many women, just "having sex" makes them a slut etc. I don't know if this is a solution or not, but my Lady and I talk about sex a lot, and not even in a sexual way, sometimes. We're working on her letting go of some of the "demons" she's acquired from past relationships, but it's a long process ( I have my own demons, as well, but that's another story...). Both of us are involved here on SF, and that has been great, as well...

    T
     
  4. Dragon_Fire

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    Ignore the female at work!! That won't improve things at home in the slightest.

    I agree with the others that we women need a caveman occasionally, even if your wife doesn't realise it, she's probably got a cavegirl hidden in there waiting to be let loose.

    Nothing turns me on more than knowing how much my man needed me sexually. Long lovemaking is nice but can get boring if that's all we get.
     
  5. China

    China New Member

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    :cheer:tup
     
  6. Tuffty

    Tuffty New Member

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    Thx all for your replies here it's a tricky subject and i for one am unsure if there is really an answer that is correct ? I have seen many many friends have affairs and then see their marridge fall apart but i have to confess the thought and desire is very strong. You think that after so being with one woman and having never cheated i would know better but i guess some feeling stay with you regardless of age and time. The nearest i have come to cheating is online cyber which i do enjoy and find an outlet that seems to keep me sane , i suppose it also shows that most of what i desire is very much an internal thing inside my head. Damned that sweet little imagination of mine but lust and passion are so nice. LOL oh well dream on :)
    Thanks again for you time and advice here ladies and gents it's much appriciated Tuff :)
     
  7. China

    China New Member

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    Then talk to your wife Tuffty, if there's something missing, there's something missing you should try and resolve it together.

    Also remember it's not cheating if your wife has agreed
     
  8. sirindiaink

    sirindiaink New Member

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    Im the same way. Sometime I just want to fuck.
     
  9. Tuffty

    Tuffty New Member

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    China you are right in what you say about talking and i have tried but it seems to fall on deaf ears , or maybe i just don't talk right ? Either way it's her fault or mine it's just the way things are and you have to decide to stay out i guess or move on which for me is not an option so i guess i'll just have to behave and day dream about it ......lol.... ty for your comment by the way :D

    and also Sir ty
     
  10. tomakehersmile

    tomakehersmile New Member

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    Just be prepared for the fallout of your actions.. what seems small now is much bigger than you could ever imagine.. Be sure of the road that you intend to travel down because once you have lost trust and you want it back theres not much in the world that causes more pain and agony.. no exaggeration...
     
  11. Tuffty

    Tuffty New Member

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    Yep i know what your saying i'v seen enough of my mates do it and pay the price. ty for your comments all taken on bored cheers again :D
     
  12. mikeh

    mikeh New Member

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    Depends on the situation. But you can do both with the same person. Even if you just have good hard raw sex and fucking a quick cuddle after and she knows you still love her.
     
  13. one20inafiftyfive

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    When I read threads like this, I'm reminded of how fortunate I am to have the wife I have and the communication we share. One morning, the electricity had been out due to an overnight storm. I get unnecessarily worked up about such things, so I was a little frustrated. I didn't have to rush right off to to work, but I needed to leave within about 30 minutes when I suddenly got horny. My body was telling me that a little sexual release would ease the tension. However, I didn't have time for the the 2-hour lovemaking or sex romp that my wife and I have recently been partaking. She is on meds that blunt her orgasms, so I just didn't have time for the slow, yet pleasurable process that achieving her orgasms require. My wife sensed my need, so we had a quickie. It was very fulfilling to me. However, I then felt guilty. I didn't want to use my wife as a tool to "get off," and I certainly don't want her to ever feel diminished in her role as my wife. Again, my wife sensed that and assured me she was okay with it. She said that it felt good to know that she could help and make me feel better. It really made the rest of my day. I was, of course quite relaxed. But I must admit, part of the peace was from my wife's assurances and how she's in tune to my needs. Of our sexual escapades, this quickie is one of the most memorable, but not in the way one might think. It is memorable due to the selflessness my wife conveyed that day.

    To more directly answer your question, and as others have stated, don't cheat. I suspect it's not actually your intention anyway and that you're simply letting off a little steam. However, China put it best:

     
  14. thunderseed

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    isn't making love ... sex? Romantic sex can also be fun and can be lustful. That makes me wonder what your idea of sex is and what her idea of sex is.
    I would consider making love to be whatever our little hearts desired.
    Why is it that a random quickie would be any less show of appreciation and love? Maybe it's just your mind set that she doesn't like? I need clarification I think. But I also haven't read any of the rest of the thread yet.
     
  15. thunderseed

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    You have some good awareness, these things are usually a mind thing. And it's not about a physical need, because the physical happens first from a thought forming :D But enough of the psychological view point. Anyways you are right, cheating is probably not the best thing to do. Do you care about her at all? Maybe you should evaluate that, perhaps your relationship has gone stale, maybe you should move on and find someone else, or do something to fix it.
     
  16. igor

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    Geez, dude - be glad you are getting any nookie at all. Keep her happy and forget the co-worker!