make her orgasm!! tips?

Discussion in 'Sexual Foreplay and Techniques' started by bigballs69, Dec 10, 2007.

  1. bigballs69

    bigballs69 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2006
    Messages:
    79
    Likes Received:
    0
    me and my gf have been going out fro a few months now and i have tried to make her orgasm but it doesnt happen. i think it might be because she is not relaxed enough but i'm not sure. so any tips to make her orgasm, turn her on more, or make her be more relaxed???
     
  2. cook74

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2007
    Messages:
    3,859
    Likes Received:
    5,891
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sydney, Australia
    A few examples of what you have tried first might stop people advising you to do something you have already tried.

    Can she/does she orgasm on her own? Maybe she could work on masturbating while you are inside of her :shrug
     
  3. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

    Joined:
    May 18, 2007
    Messages:
    2,647
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Well, here I go again, stealing someone else's quote! Try lubricating her mind first...talk dirty to her all day before she gets home. Call her on the phone, and whisper some naughty stuff in her ear. Ask her if she wants to get naked, do tequila shots, and play twister. Tell her you're going to kiss every single pink part of her hot body. Tell her you're going to eat her pussy until she can't remember her name. Tell her you're going to screw her until she comes all over you if it takes all night and uses up you and a 12-pack of vibrator batteries. (And then deliver on your promises...if you can get her dripping wet all day, she'll likely be ready to pounce on you when she walks in the door!)

    Well...maybe tailor all this to your and her own tastes of course. ;) But, then don't be afraid to try something new. Go to your local lingerie/novelty store (or find an online supplier like adam and eve, etc.) and maybe buy her one of the Rabbit-style vibrators (and don't be cheap about it...get one of the better models), then take it home and use it on her. My wife has a Rabbit and she loves it...I like watching/assisting. I just wish I could make my dick move like that Rabbit...dayam! :D There's got to be some sort of attachment that will give me that kind of motion. But, I degress. Anyway, if you like giving oral sex (and she likes getting it), then go for that too. Lick her like you could just eat her up. Try to give her an orgasm with your mouth and/or fingers before you even think about taking your dick out of your pants.

    Try taking her to a hotel room...seriously, even one in your own town. There's something always a little exciting about having sex in a place you don't know or one that is away from home.

    Finally, talk to her about it. Let her know that you want to give her orgasms, and ask her to tell you what she likes from you. Communication is a big deal.

    Sorry, I know this is just an unorganized jumble of different thoughts, but hey, it's late.

    Dave
     
  4. brittany1158

    brittany1158 New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2007
    Messages:
    131
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Explore with toys if she has trouble coming from just you, but make sure she let's you use the toy on her.

    but perhaps she isn't ready yet to experience these things...talk with her about everything you've done: what she likes/doesn't like/desires from you/desires to do to you.
     
  5. cbrmale

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2006
    Messages:
    3,493
    Likes Received:
    291
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canberra
    You cant MAKE any girl orgasm, all you can do is help her on the way. The actual technique isn't complicated, but every woman is different, so what worked with a past lover won't necessarily work now. The number one skill beyond making your partner relaxed, comfortable and ready to come is to read body language, and reading her reaction to what you are doing. This isn't always that easy, but it comes with practice.

    You have one advantage, your girlfriend isn't coming and she isn't faking it. I've had a lot of past lovers who admitted they faked it to previous men in their lives, which shows that helping a woman to orgasm can be an elusive thing to many.
     
  6. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2006
    Messages:
    6,443
    Likes Received:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks Cbrmale, you pretty much summed up what I was going to say. There are lots of men, and doubtless women, who think that it's somehow the man's "job" to make the woman have an orgasm,..but that's simply not true. In the words of the great Betty Dobson (paraphrased) you are responsible for your orgasm and I'm responsible for mine. Then we have none of that accusatory, "You never make me orgasm!" or, "I can't make her orgasm!" That's right, you can't. All you can do it help her on her way. :)
     
  7. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

    Joined:
    May 18, 2007
    Messages:
    2,647
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina
    PIB...that's a really, REALLY good point! But that said, I *think* there are a lot of men who don't help or don't really know how to help. However, I think if you truly love your lover, then satisfying them is as important as satisfying yourself, so I think of it as a balance. Most men (not all) don't have any difficulty having an orgasm themselves...I think it's often the women who get left out. So, it's not the man's "job" per se...but I think most women still truly appreciate a considerate lover, so I guess there's a little bit of a balancing act to it.

    BassDude
     
  8. ninja08hippie

    ninja08hippie Official SF Hugger
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2007
    Messages:
    2,089
    Likes Received:
    36
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Strawberry Fields
    I was with a girl once that had never had an orgasm before, I tried a number of things and gave her her first by just making out with her and doing her with my hand. After her first one she started having them every time, maybe it's just a psychological thing. The 69 position seemed to giver her the most intense orgasms (her on top)
     
  9. blueyedcouple

    blueyedcouple New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2007
    Messages:
    83
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    USA
    I think alot of guys get so worked up themselves that they dont give the girl enough time to have the big O.And we forget that us guys are wired diffrent than the girls so we do what we "want" and expect them to want the same,which sometimes is the case but most often it is not.

    Here is a tecnique that I use on those hard to reach orgasms or when i want to get her real worked up.First tell her that you are going to worship her body.Start kissing her lips slowly.Every once in awhile work your way down to her neck kissing gently.After you have been kissing awhile and its getting steamy,start rubbing and touching her,don't go right for her tits or puss,but rub your hand down her side,rub her hips,and ass a bit,the out side of her thigh,all of this while still kissing.You can grab and rub her tit gently once in awhile at this time ,but not to much.

    When you feel that she is starting to get worked up you can kiss down to her tits.Kiss lick and maybe even suck her nipples gently,but always go back to kissing her lips.If she likes her tits played with do so but only if she likes it.Remember while you are doing this to keep kissing her lips,and keep running your hand(s) down her side,hips thighs.

    Now back to kissing her lips.Start kissing her lips and move your way down very slowly softy kissing your way down to her breasts kiss them gently.keep going kiss down her belly.When you get to her mound kiss over it gently and keep going kissing all the way to her foot.Start with her other foot kissing up till you get to her mound again.Gently spread her legsand kiss the inside of her thighs.Kiss all around her pussy and up and down her slit.Now its time to go a little deeper with you tounge and lick her clit.Slow at first,working up the speed and pressure.If she likes it faster or slower you will be able to tell and do what she responds to the most.

    If shes good and worked up you may want to use a finger now.Get you finger wet with your spit,and gently slide it in till you feel her pelvic bone slightly bend your finger and rub it slow while you are licking her clit.If she likes it you might want to add another finger remember a well lubed one(you don't want her to stick a dry rough finger up your ass so don't do it to her pussy).Rub slow and easy.If she likes her tits played with use your other hand to rub her nipples a little.

    Always react to how she responds.if she don't like something you will be able to tell.if she has never had the big O with youthis may take awhile.Your tounge will feel like its going to fall off,your wrists will cramp and hurt,,but give it time and she will probably cum for you.
     
  10. Barbwire

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
    Messages:
    9,789
    Likes Received:
    174
    Gender:
    Female
    Excellent post, there. The key is, DON'T rush her to climax. This is an issue I have with my SO and its hard to overcome. The more pressure I feel to come the harder it is to just let go and do it.
     
  11. cbrmale

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2006
    Messages:
    3,493
    Likes Received:
    291
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canberra
    The thing that worked for me in my younger days was asking someone to show me how she masturbated. I watched closely, and then I imitated her with my fingers, and then my tongue. I learned a lot from that.

    Part two, as I posted above, is that every woman responds differently. Some like it hard, some medium, some gentle. Some like it the same place in repetition, some like it to be varied. Some like tongue, some lips, some like their clit sucked, some like combinations of all of the above. But at least I had a start.
     
  12. vter

    vter New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2007
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    vt
    its simple, just eat her out... All girls like it and this is the way most can orgasm..
     
  13. MikeDog

    MikeDog New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2006
    Messages:
    815
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    I agree with much of what's been said. It's a combination of things in play on both sides. She may need to learn to when let go and better understand her body's responses and you might need help her along finding out what excites her. I agree with what bassdude said about her mind. Find out what stimulates her mind if you can. For example many women like to be led sexually such as position changes or deep thrusting. Even something simple things as where you put your hands or how you touch her can matter. Passion is a whole package of things. Generally women need to be completely comfortable and trust you completely in order to orgasm.

    I also agree with vter, oral sex and finger stimulation at the same time works wonders for bringing a women to orgasm.
     
    #13 MikeDog, Dec 29, 2007
    Last edited: Dec 29, 2007
  14. zirkmask

    zirkmask New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2006
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    I personally don't think I could put it better then blueyedcouple did. I also really want to emphasize on communicating with her, asking her what she does, ect.
     
  15. Lefty'sLefty

    Lefty'sLefty New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2007
    Messages:
    22
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Earth
    Don't rush and it's all in the tongue :p
     
  16. yorkiesmurf

    yorkiesmurf New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2006
    Messages:
    450
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Getting her to orgasm can take a lot of time, both in the number of session and the amount of foreplay needed. From my experience orgasming is an issue that young people who are just having sex encounter. For the male it requires patience and understanding not to rush foreplay. The woman needs to learn what feels good and what is the best way to bring her to orgasm.

    From a practical experience some external stimulation around the inner thighs, labia, and vulva helps. Once she becomes lubricated the stroking the outside of the vagina and the finally moving to the area around the clitoris helps. After she is properly aroused pulling back the thin sheath around the clitoris and stroking directly always seems to work especially if you are also fingering the vagina at the same time. If you are going to try that it is important that she is aroused and lubricated. Otherwise it may be painful and uncomfortable for her if you try it without the right level of arousal.
     
  17. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2006
    Messages:
    832
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The Southern Cone
    Assisted masturbation!

    Agree to a night of "assisted masturbation"! She masturbates herself, and you help by adding whatever caresses, hugs, kisses, fingerings, words of love, or whatever she wants to help her hit the jackpot! Agree to leave your own desires on the back burner for the night, and just focus on helping her enjoy!
     
  18. BassDude

    BassDude New Member

    Joined:
    May 18, 2007
    Messages:
    2,647
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Actually, that is a REALLY cool idea...gets my vote! :tup
     
  19. sarah_rslp

    sarah_rslp New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2007
    Messages:
    366
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    south of england
    In the past I was a big fan of mutual masturbation. Especially starting out having sex as its guaranteed that you both come. I've said this before it takes a while to get used to the opposite sex. I know for me it took a while to have a naked bloke wandering around my room, In a way it was more disturbing that actually having sex.

    Back on the subject of masturbation, a few years ago I had to stop having sex for about 5 weeks. I was feeling quite cranky and sorry for myself. My bf at the time was quite sex mad and I was worried about how he was going to take it. But instead of just asking me to go down on him like I expected I got awesome backrubs during which he'd masturbate himself by thrusting against my arse or shoulders and later on my tummy, I thought it was really sexy, his sex drive actually picked up and my knickers stayed on the whole time, I would orgasam by carefully masturbating myself. It was a complete change of direction.

    I just wanted to mention this again just to highlight that there are options to penetrative and even oral sex. Especially if like the original poster one of you is having problems.