Lube

Discussion in 'Sexual Foreplay and Techniques' started by melicious, Aug 25, 2006.

  1. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    I just read a delicious hint in my "The Ultimate Guide to Strap-on Sex" regarding lube. To give proper credit, you know the title of the book, and the author is Karlyn Lotney. The book rocks. Now I shall quote "Fairy Butch" (the author):

    "Dear Dried Up,
    Have you ever been elbow deep in some lovely creature while she's moaning and screaming ou the lyrics to La Traviata as you pump steadily inside her? Has your latex glove ever started to feel as dry as the Sahara? Have you grappled furiously for the lube, only to discover that your Astroglide is nowhere to be found?
    Try this handy dandy tip next time, Sugar. Put some Velcro on each of two lube bottles, and a bit more on each bedpost or on each side of the bed frame. Slap the bottles on the bed, put your girlie between the sheets, and luxuriate in the knowledge that you're primed and ready to go.
    No more lost lube bottle for you!"
     
  2. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    I prefer to fuck my wife to the strains of the Brandenburg Concertos and we would hum it along together! Since it contains sugar, wonder if chocolate syrup would work as well as sugar (MMMM - and tasty, too!)? I am also reminded of that scene, in "Last Tango in Paris", where Marlon Brando's character breaks out the butter! Makes me hungry just thinking about it!
     
  3. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    Dude, I didn't pick the music.

    And since we're talking about LUBE.....watch the chocolate syrup. It can create some intense problems for a woman with a sensitive ph balance..... lubes containing sugar or glycerin (especially flavored lubes) can lead to yeast infections.
     
  4. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    Sorry, I was just kidding. I really need to stop coming here, this is wrong for me and you all don't want me here. I am outta here! Take care, have a nice life.
     
  5. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    Hold up baby! I was just playin'.... and you are wanted here. I was just passing on Lube tips to others who might not know 'em..... sorry.
     
  6. igor

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    One thing I found out is that some lubes can eat the varnish off of furniture.
    So if you lay the bottle on the nightstand, set it on something so it doesn't drip on wood.
     
  7. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    THEY CAN EAT THE VARNISH OFF FURNITURE?! Sweet holy mother of mercy!!
     
  8. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    Sorry I reacted as I did, Mel. My wife had just had to go out on an emergency call on a bad situation. She and the police and mental health people got it under control, however, even after many years of her being in her job, it still just worries me a great deal when she is exposed to danger like that. And you're right, chocolate is probably not the best thing to smear on a woman's labia! It would taste mighty good there, however!
     
  9. melicious

    melicious The Old Maid
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    Hell yea it would taste good. I'm droolin'!!
     
  10. bigvideos

    bigvideos New Member

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    dry is better shred it
     
  11. Master9804

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    Woooooo. If it does that to Furniture just think what it would do to a penis after three hours of pumping. damm now that would really be bareback after it,s done it,s thing.. LOL

     
  12. AnonymousOne

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    I just realized you were talking about that nutcase in B'Burg .... damn you ARE close to home mate...
     
  13. igor

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    I just saw a joke about lube: Simply, it was about a researcher asking a couple what they used Vaseline for - they said they used it for sex. She asked "how do you use it for sex?" They responded "we put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out of the bedroom".
     
  14. HerHubby

    HerHubby The SF Poet Laureate
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    :rofl HA,HA,HA,HA! LOVE IT!!!
     
  15. JuicyB

    JuicyB New Member

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    Moral of the story: Know your lubes!