LTR comparison question

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Eros, Jun 29, 2005.

  1. Eros

    Eros New Member

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    Have a question for all people in LTR or serious relationships.

    I have read the answers to the penis size question - some don't care, some like size, others girth, etc... But another question arises for me at it leads to a more expansive question.

    How many people compare past lovers to present lovers. And when the present lovers don't measure up - be it size. shape, experimentation level, passion, fitness, sexual appetite, techniques, etc... what are the thoughts? Do you not think about it, focus on the gestalt of the current lover, or reminisce about the past?

    If a past lover was larger or a better lover - does it demean or lessen the respect and attractiveness of the current partner???
     
  2. Logger

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    Dear Eros,

    Mostly, it is all good for me. I enjoy memories of past loves, and past loving. I need loving now, and enjoy the love that is available to me now, and try to make the best of what I have. I focus more on changing myself to adapt to my present lover, in the most considerate manner possible. I try to fit in what I want, around what my wife is willing/able to provide, at various levels, and in various circumstances.

    As I see it, the challenge is to make the most of what my currently available lover, my wife, has to offer. Further, I try to do things that are important to W, so that I will have more of a reservoie of favors for W doing extra things for me.

    I respect the memories of past loves. I cherish those memories. But I feel I keep a healthy balance, and I feel I don't spend an excessive amout of time and energy dwelling on the past.

    Blessings
     
  3. Thorn

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    Even when we were newlyweds I never compared past lovers to my wife and I never have to this day. Although as I am now thinking back I see my wife as much better than any past gf and much better than any sex that I was involved in before. From the beginning we tried to be open and give each other exactly what they wanted in sex. It might sound kinda boring but it keeps getting better and better. :D

    Even though my wife had a whole lot more sexual partners than I did before we met she would answer just about as I did above.
     
  4. kbate

    kbate New Member

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    I don't compare, it is a fruitless activity and leads only to hurt.
     
  5. longnstrong

    longnstrong New Member

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    Eros you seem to be obsessed over your wifes past. she married the guys she is most happy with. stop worrying bout her and your past and enjoy the mariage for as long as it last.
    the only way i compare past lovers is trying to remember what they and i liked and trying to bring that into the new relationship. and try to not make the same mistakes. other then that i love the few girls that i have been with and miss them all but i when i find someone new, when ever that will happen. i know that the only thing that rating her aganst the other girls would do is stop me from enjoying her.
     
  6. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    yeah, I think you really got a good wife here. - and she brings to your bedroom some obviously great pleasures. I got a feeling she really loves the hell out of you, but you really need to deal with this lack of confidence. It could drive a wedge between you, that doesn't have to be there. It's kind of up to you.
    Alot of your posts show your pre-occupation with her past. I'm not judging you. That's what this forum is for...someday, you may have to help me past something big in my life. - But right now, this is big. And your whole future depends on it.
    I know you're in counselling and I would encourage you to stay in it. But - could you look at her experience... and enjoy it? Like longnstrong said, she married YOU. You have qualities that NO ONE in her past had. That speaks volumes about her feelings for you. Hope this helps, friend.
     
  7. Eros

    Eros New Member

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    Thanks guys - I really am trying. Dunno why this is bugging me so. My last relationships - I really didn't think about their pasts, nor cared much. Don't know why it bothers me now. Initially I thought is was because of the type of history she had but now I am realizing it is an internal problem that I need to handle. It is hard to talk to people about how they feel and it helps to hear all of your views. I have asked friends but I find the internet has the great advantage of brutal honesty of how people feel. Friends in person often curb what they say to sound nice.

    Thanks for the support.

    btw - kbate - I wish my brain worked with the succinctness of your comments, and I wish it worked with the level headedness of all of you guys ( logger, ynosoiav, kbate, longnstrong, and rose).
     
  8. Rose

    Rose Resident Sexy Grandma
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    Hey - we all got times when things don't happen the way we want. - And "y" will tell you - 10 years ago, he could NOT have handled hearing about my 'experience". Level headedness came with time - and during that time, our relationship solidified. When Marriage begins, you are both weak, and only 'time' ( AND COMMITMENT)strengthens you.
    Obviously, I am a big endorser of COMMITMENT.
    Sometimes, the only thing that helped us to go one more day, was the fact that we were committed to make this marriage work. - It goes beyond sex.
     
  9. longnstrong

    longnstrong New Member

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    hay eros i have a probelm with my dog, when ever he hopes my leg he closes his eyes. is it because i am so ungly he imagines he is with someone else. i am the only one he closes his eye on too. i am really upset and i might put him too sleep for this.
     
  10. Eros

    Eros New Member

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    LOL. They always close there eyes when they hump. I'm sure you turn him on like non other. =0)
     
  11. Thorn

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    When my son was a teen we had a family get together and our dog started humping my son's leg. My son screamms out, "OMG! I've been violated!." :phat

    To our resident vet: Even though our male dog was neutered he would still hump legs. I guess you don't need your nuts to make love? Sorry for the off topic but it's Longnstrong's fault. He started the dog humping thing above! lol! :hump
     
  12. longnstrong

    longnstrong New Member

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    actually it is not off topic cause my dog is probably camparing me to other legs he had humped. :(
     
  13. Eros

    Eros New Member

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    Funny...
     
  14. Donia

    Donia New Member

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    I don't really "compare" my husband to my past lovers, but of course, I remember them and sometimes think about things we did together, etc...
    I am very happy with what I have now though.
     
  15. eandvk

    eandvk Member

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    Im like you Donia....My wife is a great sexual partner,and am very very satisfied with her, but at times my mind wanders back to a few relationships and some of the past sexual encounters that we had. Nothing wrong with fantasizing, doesnt mean I want those exes back at all...
     
  16. Dreama

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    To compare to completely different individuals is totally unfair. Everyone is beautiful in their own ways. All that should matter is that you are happier with your current partner than you were with the others. Sex is good, but it isn't everything in a relationship. Sex can always be improved somehow, but being compatible emotionally is what really counts.
     
  17. Puss_in_boots

    Puss_in_boots Adminatrix
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    I'll say amen to that, Dreama! I'm ten years older than my boyfriend so naturally I'm more experienced than he is, but a lot of my 'experiences' are things I'm not particularly proud of doing. I don't talk about them very often but when I do, he feels kind of bad for being so inexperienced, although he doesn't resent my experiences at all. He just wishes he had some interesting stories too. On the other hand my ex thought my experiences qualified me as a slut and I should be thankful he came along and saved me from a life of shameless promiscuity. Oh well, like I said, we've all had our moments that we're not particularly proud of.

    My boyfriend and I have found someone with whom we are completely emotionally compatible...each other. And that is rare indeed, and worth holding to.
     
    #17 Puss_in_boots, May 18, 2006
    Last edited: May 18, 2006
  18. Thorn

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    Rose was much more experienced than me when we met even though she is several years younger than me. I knew about her "life of shameless promiscuity" but didn't want to here the details until a few years ago. I sort of made her tell me about her past lovers. I would ask her questions about their sexcapades as we were having sex. It was a turn on for a couple months and then she ran out of stories. I'm never watch the same movie twice and don't like TV re-runs so that was the end of that. :lol But that's cool because I get to reap the benefits of her past experiences. :p

    And amen to that Puss_n_Krof! :)
     
  19. Joe

    Joe
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    I'd amend that to "All that should matter is that you and your current partner are happy together."

    I was closer to my late wife than I'll ever be to anyone else, even though we were only together for a few years. It was one of those very rare relationships that few people ever experience. We were completely in love; sex was better than I'd ever imagined; our hopes and dreams were identical; there was never a harsh word spoken. I think our relationship was as close to perfection as possible.

    Much to my surprise I found love and happiness a second time with my current wife. If I was to compare relationships, this one is not the same at all, but it's good. We love each other and are happy together. Our sex life isn't perfect, but certainly better than it is for most couples our age. While we're not AS close as my late wife and I were, we enjoy each other's company very much, whether we're in bed or just sitting around chatting with each other. Were it not for my previous marriage, I might think this one was the ultimate, but I know it could be better, and I'm working on it.

    Unless someone (like Eros) asks me to compare, I don't think I do, at least not often. My current wife is completely different than my late wife or anyone else I've been with, and I love her exactly the way she is. :)
     
  20. Krof

    Krof New Member

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    It's easy to say that the only thing that should matter is the current relationship, when you've had many and know what it means. But when you have only been in one serious relationship, you can't compare it to anything. Which means you have no idea of how good or bad your relationship is other than your reasonable thinking. And my reasonable thinking usually tends to lean towards negativety. I'm unable to do anything negative with puss in my head, but with myself I can twist it very negatively - without realizing it ofcourse.

    So what I do, is compare myself to her exes as well as I can from the information she gives and manages to make myself into something worse in my head. Which makes me worse in reality too because I loose confidence.

    I'm insane. And why is that? I'm 20. I'm young and inexperienced.