Low sex drive

Discussion in 'Sex and Relationships' started by Jssg0708, Jul 13, 2010.

  1. Jssg0708

    Jssg0708 New Member

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    Before my hubby and I had kids our sex life was great, once I got pregnant my sex drive became pretty much extinct, with our first pregnancy we only had sex 2 or 3 times in 9 months and once we had our son, we maybe had it once a month after that. With our second pregnancy we had sex maybe 6 or 10 times and after we had our 2nd son, sex was about every other month maybe. Still to this day, I only want sex one week out of the month and my hubby is getting annoyed with it. Before kids I loved the crazy things he would do to get me in the mood, now I don't want anything to do with sexy talk, touching me or anything really. If i'm not in the mood and he says anything about sex, I am likely to really ticked off and mad at him.

    We are both 24 and our kids are 3 1/2 years old and 21 months old.

    Is there anything to do to fix this issue with out meds.
     
  2. johnnyangel694u

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    How do you feel physically? Are you tired or run down?
    do you feel like you are depressed? Are you still attracted to you husband? Do you still feel attractive? Does anything else turn you on sexually?
     
  3. Jssg0708

    Jssg0708 New Member

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    I don't like my body and my hubby knows that, he says I am perfect though thats all that matters. I am trying to get into shape by going to the gym and eating right, I have lost weight and look a little better, still don't like my body though. We get up at 5:30ish every morning for the gym and by the time he gets off work and I get the kids to bed I am dead tired, but I still can't relax because I have school work to do.

    I am attracted to my hubby, but sometimes I am not.


    There are things that turn me on sexually, but I still don't want sex even though I am turned on.

    I guess depression could be an issue, heres a little about our past.


    He cheated on me after we had been together for a little over a year. He said it was a one time thing and would never do it again, he was sorry. I forgave him. Things were going good since then. We had our 1st son in 07 other than the sex, things were going good, then we got pregnant and decided to get married, we got married in 08 and had our 2nd son a few months after we got married in 08. Well after our 2nd son, I don't know where I fell of the tracks at. I cheated on him, it was a one time thing. I felt bad and told him in May of 09 so we split up, he didn't move out though. We stayed split up for 4 months. In that time he met another girl, he was head over heals for her, they dated, he says there was no sex. We talked and we wanted to give each other another chance. So we got back together Sept. 09 and we were only together for a few days when he told me that this other girl and him were going to Washington for a week, he asked me if it was ok and I told him NO, but he said she is a friend I have to do this, I can't hurt her, don't worry it will be ok. For some reason I decided to keep him after him pulling this stunt. Now to May 2010, I wanted to break up with him because I wanted to see other guys and be on my own, I told him this. He moved with his sister, no problem. Well, as soon as we broke up this last time, he called the other girl from back in 09, right then, I mean as soon as I said we are over, he was on his phone. He told me again they are just friends, nothing to worry about. When he would come over to see the boys he wanted sex and I asked him if he had, had sex with her and he said no, so I would have sex with him. This went on for a month. Just before he said that he was willing to take me back, he told me that back in 09 the two of them were dating, but no sex, and this year they had been dating and having sex for that month. He then tells me that ever since 09 the two of them have been talking behind my back. Still I take him back. I asked him if he had done anything sexually different that what we did. He said they did everything we did and that bugged the shit out of me and still does. He said we were the same in bed expect that she could take him all the way in her, where if he goes all the way in me I am in tears and pain. This bugs me so much still to today and its gets in the way of us. Also he is now talking to this other girl that he knew from way back when, she is going through some stuff and he says he has to be there for her. They text all the time I mean 100 plus texts a day. I asked to see the texts and he has erased them, I know his phone will hold all the texts, he says I don't need to see what they are talking about. From what I know this girl is moving back to So. Cal. sometime this year, so I am nervous that they will see each other and it will only be him and her I am not allowed.
     
  4. fothermucker

    fothermucker New Member

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    He sounds pretty shady to me. I would say it's probably time to move on to someone who will treat you better and that you can actually trust. My fiancee could go through the text messages on my phone, and it wouldn't bother me one bit. It sounds like he may have something to hide, and it really sounds like there are some serious commitment issues.
     
  5. Mittimer

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    Honestly I see no reason, other then your children together as to why you are with him. For that matter, the children are NO excuse to be in a loveless and sexless relationship. If he MAKES you feel bad about yourself, which is what it sounds like, you need not be with that. It's only going to get worse. He's cheated on you, he's lied to you and he's still most likely lying to you.

    I don't like seeing women in relationships like this. I'm really sorry that you're going through this and I feel for you. If you ever need anyone to talk to, either phone, aim, text whatever, I'm willing to lend an understanding and non judging ear. Just private message me and I'll give you the contact info that you need.
     
  6. fothermucker

    fothermucker New Member

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    I was thinking along the same lines, and I think the lies and cheating may have something to do with the low sex drive. Also, keep in mind that if you are staying with him because of the children, but are unhappy, your children will pick up on it as well. If he has to hide things from you, like converations with other women, he can't be trusted. I think you would be much happier moving on to find someone else. The lies, cheating, and trust issues can have a much larger impact on your sex drive than you might think.
     
  7. Barbwire

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    Yeah, divorce the guy.

    He cheated on you, you cheated on him. What's the point of being married to someone that can't trust you and who you can't trust either?

    Take the lessons you've learned from this marriage and move on.
     
  8. Mittimer

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    Amem
    (To what Cowboy said)
     
  9. fothermucker

    fothermucker New Member

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    And yet again, I have to agree with CL. Why do you have to be right so often?:p

    It almost sounds like the rough past and the trust issues are the cause of the low sex drive. Find a new man, one who will treat you the way you should be treated. This current guy sounds like he is just treating you like a doormat. He's not even deserving of the term "man", let alone of you. Send him on his way, and move on yourself, and once you get over that, you will likely see your sex drive start to return.:tup
     
  10. cbrmale

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    Current stats are about 60% of married men have one or multiple affairs, and about 40% of married women have one or multiple affairs, and about 80% of marriages are affected by affairs. Also statistically, after affairs, the marriages which fail are mostly the ones which were failing before the affair. Affairs on their own rarely lead to divorce. For more information, read 'The Monogamy Myth'.

    Look around you: your neighbours, co-workers, friends: about half have had affairs, and 80% are in relationships affected by affairs. And yet, many of these relationships survive.

    Humans are not designed to be faithful: not now and never in the past. Most societies recognise this, except Anglo. What matters is what is in the heart, the way you treat each other, the love and affection, the romance, how you get on together, the sex that you share. The rest is the human condition.
     
  11. Barbwire

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    I'm glad I'm Anglo. I'm part of a society that thinks that cheating is wrong. Sorry to be so behind the times and backwards, unlike the societies that attribrute cheating as nothing more than part of the "human condition".



    cbrmale, you make it sound like it's perfectly acceptable to lie to your spouse and sneak around behind their backs to have sex with other people. If that's what you have to tell yourself to justify what you are doing to your wife, then so be it. It's all abotu what makes YOU happy, right?
     
  12. Mittimer

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    It's not about the cheating, it's about the honesty.

    CL has a husband and a virtual lover. Her husband knows everything about the virtual lover.
    It works for her. Why? HONESTY.

    Cheating is never ok, lying to your husband/wife, going behind their back? No, that's not OK.

    Whether we as humans are 'designed' for this or not, ITS NOT OK.